Dear Hulky!

Salutations Hulk--

I just cannot believe it. What, you ask? My teenage daughter is rebelling and decided to pierce her ears on her own!! She didn't go to a professional but instead did it herself. Oh Hulk, what should I do? How do I refrain from grounding her for weeks on end? Should I only give her bread and water?

Thx,
A

BREAD AND WATER NOT ENOUGH NUTRITION FOR GROWING GIRL, POWER BARS AND BROCCOLI BETTER PUNISHMENT! NO, HULK BE SERIOUS NOW. GIRL WHO PIERCE OWN EARS VERY BRAVE GIRL, JUST IDEA OF PUSHING NEEDLE THROUGH SKIN MAKE HULK SICK. HULK THINK MOM SHOULD CUT LOSSES, ACCEPT PIERCING, EARRINGS COME OUT, NOT LIKE TATTOO. SAY, "OKAY! ME NOT LIKE THIS BUT YOU DID IT, YOU TAKE CARE OF EARS, NO INFECTIONS! ME STILL LOVE YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU PISS ME OFF." WHEN TIME TO PUNISH KIDS, HULK SAY, "HIT 'EM, THEN HUG 'EM." NOT LITERALLY HIT KID! HIT KID WITH WORDS, THEN HUG WITH ARMS. THEN CALL NEAREST TATTOO PARLOR, MAKE SURE THEY DON'T DO KIDS UNDER 18.

NEXT: OKAY TO BE NAKED AROUND KID?

 

Dear Hulky,
Since you are obviously the shining example of all things masculine, let me ask you a question about my little boy. He is almost 20 months old and we shower together every day. My question is when do I need to stop being nekid around my kiddo at the risk of scarring him? He is also still breastfeeding, so will he remember any about his Mama's bits and pieces? Hope not!. Kisses to my new favorite green man. 

Love,
Hey You

HULK NOT GREAT BIG SISSY PURITAN LIKE DEAR ABBY! HULK THINK NAKEDNESS OKAY! DEMYSTIFY HUMAN BODY, GOOD FOR SON TO BE RELAXED ABOUT BOOBS. KIDS FORGET MOST OF WHAT HAPPEN BEFORE AGE THREE. OCCASIONAL BATH WITH MOM UP TO AGE FIVE OR SIX OKAY. IF SON GET BOOB FETISH YOU TURN INTO GAME, SAY, "HERE BOOB, HERE ARMPIT, HERE TOENAIL, ALL FIT TOGETHER TO MAKE ME, MAKE YOU." TEACH SON BODY NOT SHAMEFUL! FACT, THOUGH, KIDS GET MORE MODEST THAN PARENTS EVENTUALLY, GET EMBARRASSED, TELL YOU TO COVER UP. LIFE IRONIC SOMETIMES.

Dearest Beloved,

Thank you for the attention being given to go through my mail. I am Mrs.  Muna Akram , The wife of Iraq military  Chief Lt. Colonel Haitham Akram , who was in charge of the military contracts and services.

time . I am 52 years old, I am now receiving treatment in the hospital. It's quite obvious that I won't live Longer according to my doctor as I am suffering from my kidney transplant illness, this is because my illness has gotten to a very bad stage.

My late husband was killed by American military force in Iraq  ,and during the period of our marriage we had two a children wisam and Manfi. After the death of my husband , we  inherited this fund which my late husband deposited with a safe keeping  Company in Thailand for safety. The doctor has advised me that I may not live long, so I now decided to contact you to assist my two sons to claim this money From where it was deposited and guide them for investment as you are a potential business man.

My family will be interested in doing business in your country, there fore I would like to seek your assistance and help. I am interested particularly in properties , but your advise on other areas of private sector would be highly appreciated, I am in believe that you would be of great help in guiding my two sons to a successful exploration of the investment potentials of your country , which guarantees good capital returns and human security .As a result of this, I can take you in
confidence basically due of the source of the fund , hereby believing that your assistance will be profitable to us.

The amount in question is USD$10 Million .I will appreciate your willingness to carry this transactions the gratification remark which will be determined as soon as I hear from you. As i have mapped out 20%, for your assistance and 5% would be used for the re-imbursements of any expenses that is incurred during on the process of this transaction .

Lastly, I honestly pray that this money when transferred to your country will be used for the said purpose of investing in the industry, because I have come to find out that wealth acquisition without Allah is vanity upon vanity.
I await your urgent reply to enable me up-date you with more information and how to proceed.
Do feel free to ask me any question if you wish to as my husbands death has blocked every trace of this money from us, the documentations relating to the deposit of this fund are all intact with my first son for your verification .I await to hearing from you soonest.

Best Wishes.

Mrs Muna Akram

DEAR MRS. AKRAM! HULK VERY SAD MR. AKRAM DEAD, WAR IN IRAQ TERRIBLE, HULK DISGUSTED BY SHORT-SIGHTEDNESS OF MILITARY, POWER-HUNGRY CONTRACTORS. HULK ALSO SORRY MRS. AKRAMS KIDNEYS FAILING. UNFORTUNATELY, HULK NOT SO GOOD WITH FINANCIAL ADVICE, HULK RECOMMEND MRS. AKRAM  CONTACT  ALAN GREENSPAN, HE SEEM LIKE VERY NICE MAN, HELP MRS. AKRAM SET UP 401(K) AND TRUST FUND FOR BOYS.

Comments

[Hey You]

Thanks for the advice Hulky! I tend to agree with you and will show The Husband that his idol agrees with ME! Also, Mrs. Akram must be really desperate for advice because she sent this to me too!

[Michelle]

My mom had a simple solution when we did this as kids (getting pierced under 18 without permission) - take the earrings out. Done. Holes close up, and we can get pierced when she says so.

[anne nahm]

All my youth I managed to avoid having a crush on The Hulk.

Until now. Damnit.