Dear Hulky!

Dear Hulk,

 

I am so stressed out. I am currently balancing a reasonably new (less than one year) marriage, an almost full-time job and a full course load at school. I have no energy, ever, no time to clean my house or cook a decent meal, and I feel like crying all the time. I'm gaining weight from all the crap I eat, since I also have no time for exercise and, therefore, I'm feeling really unattractive, too. As a result, I feel too tired, fat or preoccupied most of the time to have sex with my husband, something I used to really enjoy and something I know he still enjoys. My husband has been really supportive and hasn't been pressuring me, but I am still really bothered by my diminished sex drive and the fact that I don't have time to do the things that will make me feel better, like eating right and exercising. What should I do?

 

-Amber

OH, AMBER, THAT SOUND HARD. HULK SORRY FOR AMBER! HULK ALSO SEE THAT SOMETHING GOT TO GIVE. YOU TAKE ON TOO MUCH. DOES HUSBAND WORK AND GO TO SCHOOL FULL-TIME, TOO? OR CAN HUSBAND CLEAN AND COOK? WHY THIS ALL AMBER'S RESPONSIBILITY? OTHER SUGGESTION, HIRE HOUSEKEEPER, ONCE A WEEK, SAVE MARRIAGE. AT LEAST HOUSE LOOK NICE, YOU FEEL BETTER. CLEAN DISHES LIKE APHRODISIAC! SERIOUSLY, HUSBAND MUST TAKE SOME OF DOMESTIC BURDEN, IF HE KNOW THAT COOKING HEALTHY DINNER MEAN YOU HAVE ENERGY FOR SEX, HE COOK DINNER IN A HEARTBEAT. SEX ALSO GOOD EXERCISE! HELP AMBER THINK BETTER, STUDY BETTER. THIS WHY PEOPLE LIVE IN DORMS, SO THEY DON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT CRAP LIKE THIS. AMBER CAN'T AFFORD HOUSEKEEPER? THEN AMBER AND HUSBAND HAVE TO DIVIDE WORK, ONLY FAIR THING TO DO. DON'T EXPECT PERFECT HOUSE, KEEP KITCHEN CLEAN, KEEP HEALTHY SNACKS AROUND, WALK OR RUN 30 MINUTES A DAY, GET BACK ON TRACK. YOU CAN DO IT, AMBER!

Comments

[Zelda]

oh, I love Hulky! I am sitting here in tears now, because it's so difficult to find that balance sometimes. (Also, Hulk is so sensitive and understanding! Ahem.)

I could have written this letter--hell, I *should* have written this letter, because I'm currently taking a break from washing a sink full of dishes so that I can peacefully sit down and study for finals, and then off to work for another six hours. It's not much fun, and you have all my sympathy. But you can do it--it can be done--I promise!

For me, it's usually one particular thing that sets me off down the spiral you describe. I've found it helps to ask your partner to always do that one thing (with us it's the litterbox, because the smell and the process of picking up poop is often just more than I can handle.) Having that one thing done can make the difference in my sanity.

One more thing--I read a recent study (for class! But now I can't remember where it was from, of course) that linked women's depression to our tendency to analyze situations and look for causation. It's thought that men are less likely to stay depressed because they distract themselves, often with physical activity. Taking a 20 min walk (or, er, making out with my husband) when I'm about to throw something does really help. Also don't be shy about asking for foot- or backrubs.

Sorry for the novel. I just loved this letter and response so much I couldn't help myself.