Idiocracy in Action: 85,000 People Audition to be Paris' New BFF

Oh people, come on.

So Paris Hilton's new reality show "My New BFF" has received 85,000 profiles and videos over at ParisBFF.com, which yeah. I'm not linking to that. You wanna see it, you go and type it out your own precious self.

Eighty. Five. Thousand.

The site only launched less than six weeks ago, but has generated 6 million hits for MTV already. And you were maybe hoping that Paris Hilton would go away soon?

HA HA! SHE'S NEVER GOING ANYWHERE! SHE'S GOT WHAT PLANTS CRAVE!

Ahem. So what exactly is Paris looking for in her BFF-to-be, who will like, so totally really be her BFF and not get dumped 20 minutes after the cameras stop rolling, and even that will be because Paris didn't hear the director yell CUT?

AP: Do you think you can find a real, lasting friendship this way? Do you have a preference of male or female?

Hilton: I just want to see the contestants and see how they are. I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, just as long as its someone I can trust, someone I can have fun with and just someone who's going to be able to like handle all the other things that are going to come with being my best friend.

AP: Like what?

Hilton: Just being in the media, just someone who's not going to care about that, just someone who cares about me.

AP: What are some of the qualities you're looking for in a new best friend?

Hilton: Just someone who's fun, someone who I can trust and just someone who, I don't know, just someone to get along with that is not going to screw me over. Just someone to have a great time with.

Just someone, you know, fun. Who just, like, says just a lot and has the IQ of a brick and like, doesn't just care about the media except just for this one reality show thing real quick and then a couple contractually-obligated paparazzi photo ops and just just just justy just.

So I think the current "winning" profile over at ParisBFF.com sounds like a perfect match for her (yeah, there's like, voting or something over there). At the top of BFF-wannabe heap is a strapping young stud (or at least his headless, limbless, bulked-up torso) who goes by the handle "closetjock."

Closetjock maintains that becoming BFFs with Paris Hilton won't change his personality in the slightest:

Being from Vegas ya learn how to keep it real. I have my Fans who love me for the Person that I am. Once you change or have to act a certain way to please others it's no longer Genuine. Like when a Gay Dude says he's Str8 Acting....It assumes he has to act and not be himself! Sooner or later you know he's gonna see a Spider and scream like a little school girl! Just Keep it Real and be Yourself and then you'll know people like you for being you and not the person you are portraying.

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