MamaPop™

Shout Out to Mah OG YouTube Homies: Video Fun With Margaret Seltzer

Y'all haven't forgotten about this jackass yet, right?

Harry Allen at Media Assassin has somehow managed to get his bloggy little hands on a promotional video for Margaret "Peggy" "P-Dawg" Seltzer's fake memoir Love and Consequences, in which she sits in front of some tract housing in what looks to be a very well-manicured part of South Central LA (I bet there's a Starbucks!) and spews her fake, fake gangbanger fake bullshit. Complete with big hoop earnings and an accent that veers wildly between gangsta and Southern drawl and Valley Girl and back again, girlfriend just spins lie after lie after lie, and really, she's not even that good at it, RIVERHEAD PUBLISHING.

And did I mention the BULLSHIT?

Her big homie passed a graduation card around DEATH ROW so everybody could SIGN IT for her? So death row is a lot like my old office, then! See, it ain't so hard out here fo' a pimp.

"Baby Mama" Review

Choosing which movie to view each week is a great lesson in how much pain I'm willing to subject myself to. Can I sit through two hours of the same blow up scene? No. Can I endure Owen Wilson being devoid of any sort of character or entertainment? Hell to the no. The movies are decided based upon previews and general buzz and my patented torture threshold. So when it came to Tina Fey! and Amy Poehler! Said with such exuberance like stars were going to fly out of the movie screen and light up the theater, then one feels a little compelled to go put on protective gear to go view their new! genius! comedy! For what else could we expect from two of the funniest women in Manhattan? I probably sound like I'm about to be a voice of dissent and say that the people were wrong and this movie lost its funny bone over the East River then you'd be wrong. In fact it was funny enough that when I got home, I started chuckling about a scene and thought about watching the movie right then and there and then felt a small tear roll down my cheek because that would be impossible.

Jennifer Aniston & John Mayer, Sittin' In A Tree

I guess? Supposedly? Huh.

Alrighty then. Guess I'll do the honors...

Dearest Mr. Mayer,

I know you have a reputation of being something of a cassanova and a cad, so I think I speak for all of America -- nay, civilized humanity -- when I say the following to you: dude, this ain't no easy, breezy Jessica Simpson joint. You're messing with America's reigning girl-next-door sweetheart here, who by the by already got her wittle hweart cwushed -- very publicly and dramatically -- by one celebrity super stud. We has sympathies for poor dear Jenny. DO NOT MESS WITH, YA HEAR? WE WILL BURY YOU, DUDE. CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF. kthxbai!

xoxo,
Gossip Lovers Of America

Too harsh? Not harsh enough? I'm accepting edits...

Julianne Moore Probably Hates Pam Anderson, Too

Pamela Anderson released a press statement the other day, informing everyone that she is - for the first time as an American citizen! (Ameri-cuh: F*CK YAH!) - marching on Washington to protest animal testing. She just wants us all to know, y'know, so that we can all contemplate the horrific effects of animal testing and maybe take up arms against the bunny-blinding Man ourselves.

RIP Albert Hofmann

Albert Hofmann, the Swiss scientist best known for synthesizing lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD), died yesterday at the age of 102.

Is Mariah Carey Getting Married?

Quite possibly, given the big ol' rock she's been sporting, which a source told Page Six was an engagement ring from....

Julianne Moore: Most Celebrity Do-Gooders Are Attention-Grubbing Famewhores

*uncomfortable coughing*

Wow.

So somebody - somebody famous - finally stepped up and said it.

Photo in Search of a Caption: John Travolta's Facial Hair and Some Dude

Beard? What beard? I don't have a beard. Kelly's at home with the kids.

UPDATE: You betches seriously, seriously brought it today.  This was a hard decision, but the public adoration goes to Baileyswedishfish.  Okay, and I adore the rest of you too, you sultans of snark.

PLEASE, betches, I beg of you, turn this moustache of horror into something beautiful with your snarky wiles.  I will publicly adore you at the end of the East Coast bidness day.  (Oh, and that other dude is actually Bob Iger of Disney.  Since Disney owns everything, possibly including me - one never knows with all these mergers! - I thought I'd play it safe and not leave my "some dude" standing.)

Hot Topics For Hot Mamas!

Tis time for all the MamaPopTalk news that's fit to print. Hold onto yer bee-hinds, betches!

• We have reopened registration at MamaPopTalk! YAY! Click here to register and be able to participate in open threads and our daily conversations!


• Tonight at 8 PM you can chat with Sweetney and others all about American Idol in our weekly open thread, as the remaining contestants prepare to butcher sing Neil Diamond songs. Alcohol is not required, but clearly it is strongly encouraged.


• Angela recently introduced us to a USB eyeball massager, and other various USB devices. You know you're wondering about the eyeball massager and you're kind of curious that there are massagers that plug into USB ports.


• LauraJT777 brightens up our Mondays with fun YouTube videos.


• We also divulged our favorite not-traditionally-hot celebrity crushes.


• Kristabella is talking about Rock of Love II's reunion show. Are you experiencing withdrawal yet?


• And finally, we're reintroducing ourselves. Come say hi! We only bite if you taste like chocolate. (Well, or bacon.)

Vanity Fair Stands Behind Miley Cyrus Photos

In case you missed it, there was quite a hub-bub yesterday over the photos of Miley Cyrus that appear in the June 2008 issue of Vanity Fair. In the photos, Miley appears topless-ish: she holds a loose piece of fabric over her chest as she works the camera. Miley issued an apology, there was plenty of speculation over whether photographer Annie Liebovitz had manipulated Miley and every major media outlet had their, "OMGZ SEXUALZ!!!1 SHE'S LIKE JAMIE LYNN WITHOUT THE FETUS!!!! I think?" freakouts.

Reminder: American Idol Open Thread Tonight!

We're down to FIVE. Not that Carly -- who was clearly a decorative plant of some sort and not an actual human being, at least according to MamaPop's own Jodi -- really counted or anything. cough.

Soooo...who's going down this evening, ya think? Any pre-game bets, m'ladies?

In any case, tonight we has Neil Diamondz, nom nom nom! Sadly, I know just about every song by Mr. Diamond, having grown up with a father who was borderline obsessed with the man. But then I must admit that I went on to independently purchase the Rick Rubinified "12 Songs" back in '05, if only because we cannot escape our past, my friends (incidentally that album kicks ass, so bite me).

Honestly, I cannot wait to see what DC selects from this particular catalog, and what he does with it. Also, who else is willing to bet Brooke picks "Sweet Caroline"? BO-RING.

So please to join me tonight over in the American Idol Forum starting at 8pm for all the Hell Yeahs and Cherry Cherrys and Holly Holys... See you then, betches!

Dear Khia, Please STOP

I beg you, America begs you, and your caps lock key begs you.  (It also says to tell you that it is not, contrary to what you may have heard on the internets, cruise control for cool.)  What the hell I'm talking about may be found after the jump, along with spoilers if you're not up to speed on Miss Rap Supreme on VH1.

Whoa, Dude: Cheri Oteri's Father Stabbed to Death

God, how sad. SNL alum Cheri Oteri (one of those cast members who finally put SNL back on the map in terms of being a viable vehicle for female comics), lost her father this weekend. He was murdered by his songwriting partner and roommate. He was 69 years old.

No Longer a Girl, Yet Not Quite a Woman

It's one thing to be fifteen years old and have a barely suggestive photo taken while your parents are standing ten feet away, it's quite another to be fifteen years old and actually take off your clothes. To have sex. With a married man.

Yankees pitcher Roger Clemens revealed yesterday that he'd had a ten-year-long "relationship" with country singer Mindy McCready (above, at age 23) that started when McCready was fifteen. Clemens was a married 28-year-old father of two at the time, and claims that his wife was aware of the relationship, i.e., there was nothing sexual about it. Uh, at least until she turned eighteen.

Clemens first saw McCready singing in a bar in Florida. At age fifteen?! No doubt one of her parents was standing ten feet away when she went back to his hotel room with him.

Photo in Search of a Caption: Wyclef Jean

EXACTLY. And the winner is: Jennifer! with her immortal, "Fuck you guys, I'm going home."

Thanks for playing, everyone!

Simply Red, Baby

Remember the band Simply Red? No? Okay, you are so not as old as me. (You can catch up after the jump. Know ur 80's pop musik, peeples!)

For those of you who are as old as me, or who are, simply, die-hard British alterna-pop fans who also maybe watch Family Guy, well, you might be interested to know that Mick Hucknall has a baby. A baby that nobody had seen, apparently, from the time that it was born until just the other day, but who nobody worried about because, hey, that guy from Simply Red  isn't a Scientologist and so the mysterious absence from the public eye of any child associated with him doesn't necessarily mean alien abduction or genetic experiments (*cough* SuriCruise *cough*).

Anyhoo.

Britney Spears Custody Evaluation Complete

The custody evaluation in the Britney Spears/Kevin Federline custody battle is finally done.  It was delivered to attorneys for both sides on Friday.  It is several hundred pages long and sources have said it is a "mixed bag," some parts damaging, some parts helpful to Britney.  The report was written by Dr. Jane Shatz and is extremely detailed. 

The couple are due back in court on May 6th.  It is anticipated that Britney will show, although given her track record of not actually attending court hearings, who knows?