Jennifer Aniston & John Mayer, Sittin' In A Tree

I guess? Supposedly? Huh.

Alrighty then. Guess I'll do the honors...

Dearest Mr. Mayer,

I know you have a reputation of being something of a cassanova and a cad, so I think I speak for all of America -- nay, civilized humanity -- when I say the following to you: dude, this ain't no easy, breezy Jessica Simpson joint. You're messing with America's reigning girl-next-door sweetheart here, who by the by already got her wittle hweart cwushed -- very publicly and dramatically -- by one celebrity super stud. We has sympathies for poor dear Jenny. DO NOT MESS WITH, YA HEAR? WE WILL BURY YOU, DUDE. CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF. kthxbai!

xoxo,
Gossip Lovers Of America

Too harsh? Not harsh enough? I'm accepting edits...

SO ANYWAY, US Magazine reports that Mayer and Aniston

"...lunched together at Michael's restaurant in Miami, Florida Friday.

The actress and the singer then met up for dinner at Casa Tua on South Beach.

"They were affectionate – definitely touchy, feely," a source [said] about their dinner. "The room they ate in was almost empty. They both drank Belinis."

Their lunch "definitely seemed like a date."

Hmm. Sounds speculative (ahahahaaaaa! O RLY? US MAGAZINE SPECULATIVE? DO GO ON! snort.), yet definitely suspicious. Yes indeedy, moderately questionable. Sigh. Well, in any case, I for one look forward to Jen finding someone NOT douchebaggy (I'm looking at you, Vince Vaughn) to settle down with. She deserves a little happiness after that heartbreaking and sordid [whisper]Brad and Angelina[/whisper] debacle. Think Johnny boy could be the real thing, or something like it?

Okay, okay, but before we get ahead of ourselves here, let's keep in mind John's not only dated Jessica "Chicken O' The Sea" Simpson recently, but also spent some quality time with Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Love Hewitt in the past. Call me a cynic, but somehow those partner selections just don't seem to bode well for relationship longevity. I mean, if you're dating Jessica Simpson, are you someone who's really looking for a deep, meaningful relationship?

I'm for reals, dude. BURY YOU.

source

Comments

[Sarah Lena]

Am I the ONLY one who thinks he looks like he's missing a very important chromosome?

[Nora]

Maybe they will be the next Warren/Annette, or Brad/Angelina (just sayin) that no one thought would make it but then they CHANGE and commit and become pillars of society.

[Sils]

Is he really a cad? I hadn't heard that.

I know he flipped out on Simpson because she wouldn't stop bothering him... but I hadn't heard he was a cad.

[emily]

sarah lena, i totally agree with you. my girlfriend jennifer aniston is much, much too pretty for his homely, whiny-singer ass.

[rednexmama]

OK, ok, missing chromosome or not, the crap he says to the paparazzi is FRICKIN' AWESOME!!! And as I've oft mentioned, am a sucker for the funny men... God, I'm a lost cause... But honestly, when he told the paps he was "sort of a douchebag" I started laughing so hard I almost peed myself. Seriously, check out the John Mayer updates on TMZ: Comedy GOLD!

[Sonia]

rednexmama, I am SO WITH YOU! I'm not a fan of his music, and I prefer my men to look like....my husband. ANYWAY. But the little video clips I've seen of him playing to the paps just kill me. Recently he was on his cell phone and talking about a rash, lol. SO FUNNY!
Sweetney, I agree. John Mayer? You are funny and have eeked out a successful music career. If you even THINK about screwing our Jen over, be afraid of dark alleys homey. Just sayin'.