Tom And Katie: Are They On, Are They Off, Or Has Someone's Cyborg Wiring Just Shorted?
Here's some shocking news for your Friday morning: Tom Cruise is denying that he and Katie are splitting up!
But let's do the math: we reported the rumor on April 7, on the same day that the rumor hit the internet, or - let's be modest here - at least within a 24-hour period of the story leaking from US Weekly. SO. Yesterday was the 17th of April. YESTERDAY one of Tom's representatives issued a denial. That's what? Ten days, give or take some hours.
TEN DAYS.
That's like a lifetime in CelebrityLand. Celebrities get pregnant and give birth in that amount time. Careers are made and destroyed. Entire universes explode into being and then collapse into themselves like a cheap Frappuccino cup being sucked empty of its contents.
Ten days to issue a denial says to me that somebody's publicists spent a lot of time pacing nervously while teams of Scientology genetic engineers chased Katie around with another turkey baster filled with Cruise-Hubbard sperm cocktail in an effort to sperminate her and kill the rumors with a pregnancy before anyone can figure out that she can't leave without her brain, which they now have locked away in one of their cryogenic freezing complexes, all the while wondering whether it wouldn't be simpler to just point out that matchy-matchy haircuts are a sure sign of eternal devotion.
If you liked this post, please support us by sharing it:
« Friday Eye Candy: Jerri Ann's Picks | Main | Photo In Search Of A Caption: Victoria Beckham »
omg you are one fucking funny beeyatch
Posted by: sweetney | April 18, 2008 at 11:22 AM
Catherine, I love you. This writing was a true mark of genius! Thanks for the wit!
BTW: does anyone else find it odd that Tom looks younger than Katie in the above pic? I mean, he's got 20-some years on her!
Posted by: DianaCLT | April 18, 2008 at 11:28 AM
You can tell by looking at her that she's leaving him. She's lost the trademark bangs. She's obviously THINKING FOR HERSELF.
What a heretic! Let the reprogramming begin!
Posted by: Poppy Buxom | April 18, 2008 at 12:45 PM
Suri looks cross-eyed.
Or stoned.
Posted by: girlplease | April 18, 2008 at 01:22 PM
I think that is her marathon picture which might be why she looks - blech.
I do hope she leaves, takes Suri with her, and thrives without him.
Posted by: Cobblestone | April 18, 2008 at 02:20 PM
Tom is starting too look more and more effeminate every time I see his pictures splashed across the interweb.
Posted by: mintea | April 18, 2008 at 09:21 PM