Tom Leaving Katie, Preparing To Announce Search For Replacement Starlet-Stepford Wife
Apparently, OK! Magazine is about to report that Tom Cruise is going to leave Katie Holmes and take Suri with him.
Which, I'll only believe when they release the Scientology video announcing that Katie is a body-Thetan-infested tool of Xenu. Because really? Tom Cruise might be batshit crazy, but he's not stupid. He's got enough dodgy press - what with him being crazy and all - without exploding the whole carefully contrived domestic bliss/happy family man story.
The story claims that Tom is tired of Katie's inability to cope with the rigors of Scientology mind-control and the side-effects of her lobotomy such a high-profile celebrity lifestyle. It also notes that her new haircut is fug. Both of which, I'm sure, are true. But, as I noted above, Tom's not going to risk his already-tenuous grip on whatever public approval he has left.
Also, I think he likes her haircut. I think that he likes looking at her in her designer pantsuits and squinting a little bit and whispering to himself, "pretty Tommy, pretty Tommy."
So, yeah: why give that up?
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Is it just me or is Tom's body turning very "womanly"? ( narrow shoulders, wide hips?)
Posted by: Lama | April 07, 2008 at 11:07 AM
Tom's body? Oh, you mean in that photo above? THAT'S KATIE.
Posted by: Her Bad Mother | April 07, 2008 at 11:19 AM
Ya'll are mean.
I LOVE IT.
Posted by: BaltimoreGal | April 07, 2008 at 11:31 AM
I don't believe it for a second. She had to sign the pre-nup in blood, right?
Posted by: missbanshee | April 07, 2008 at 11:50 AM
Yeah, he's not going anywhere. He'd be crazy to do that.
Wait, he IS crazy.
Posted by: Isabel | April 07, 2008 at 01:45 PM
maybe katie finally got her at together and figured out that he really is the craziest person EVER and is planning on leaving him and his equally crazy staff is doing damage control by making it look like he's leaving her... ?
god, please let her be smart enough to be getting out of there...
Posted by: emily | April 07, 2008 at 02:06 PM
act. maybe katie finally got her act together.
oops... my bad!
Posted by: emily | April 07, 2008 at 02:31 PM
Spawn-Unit Katie 2007, you are now relieved of duty. Please send in your replacement! Must. Keep Procreating.
Posted by: Suzy Q | April 07, 2008 at 04:11 PM
UHMAHGAH, You know they're going to rebut this by pointing out their awesome marriage and "oh look! You can totally tell because Katie's preggers again!"
WATCH.
Posted by: Queenie | April 08, 2008 at 01:18 AM
I hope freakatie choke on her daddy's cock!
fuck her
OMG!! Tom run, get away from creepy freakatie and take Suri with you!!
Posted by: All suicide | April 23, 2008 at 06:55 AM