Tom Leaving Katie, Preparing To Announce Search For Replacement Starlet-Stepford Wife

Apparently, OK! Magazine is about to report that Tom Cruise is going to leave Katie Holmes and take Suri with him.

Which, I'll only believe when they release the Scientology video announcing that Katie is a body-Thetan-infested tool of Xenu. Because really? Tom Cruise might be batshit crazy, but he's not stupid. He's got enough dodgy press - what with him being crazy and all - without exploding the whole carefully contrived domestic bliss/happy family man story.

The story claims that Tom is tired of Katie's inability to cope with the rigors of Scientology mind-control and the side-effects of her lobotomy such a high-profile celebrity lifestyle. It also notes that her new haircut is fug. Both of which, I'm sure, are true. But, as I noted above, Tom's not going to risk his already-tenuous grip on whatever public approval he has left.

Also, I think he likes her haircut. I think that he likes looking at her in her designer pantsuits and squinting a little bit and whispering to himself, "pretty Tommy, pretty Tommy."

So, yeah: why give that up?

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