Cannes Robs Los Angeles of Promotional A-List Faces

I feel a little sorry for any celebrity trying to make the scene in L.A. right now. Trying to launch your new flagship store? Sorry, all the A-list actors are at this little film festival in the south of France, maybe you've heard of it?

"God, I need a cigarette."

Jury president Sean Penn busted out a tuxedo for the event, which takes place over the course of ten days and showcases a ton of new films from all over the world. The film they chose to show on opening night was Blindness, the story of a town that unravels when everyone in it suddenly goes blind, except for Julianne Moore.

"These two toilet brushes I'm wearing on my shoulders? Oh, they're just there to ward off comparisons to Gillian Anderson."

"Wow, who was that just punched me in the stomach, was that Julianne Moore? Bitch better step off, I've got the forces of spooky alien technology at my behest!"

"Yes, thank you, I'm still a huge star and . . . fuck you, I do NOT look like Carol Burnett!"

"I enjoy standing next to mere mortals just to remind the world of what a blessing wealth, talent, and good genes really are."

"You know those shrunken apple head dolls you get at depressing craft fairs? Man, I love those things, I just ate five of them."

The Natalie Portmanbot 9000 is a delux pleasure model with assassin capability and the ability to undermine a basic Voight-Kampff test in under ten questions.

"Tee hee!"

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Comments

[Maxine Dangerous]

*snort* Great comments! :) Loving Gillian Anderson with long hair!