DEAR HULKY!

Dear Hulk,

I know that you are not a woman and probably will never have this problem, but I hope you can help.

I am currently pregnant (just leaving first trimester) and in a comfortable but boring job. It looks like I am very close to getting a new, more exciting, better paying job with a shorter commute. Here are my dilemmas:

The new job will be a lot of hard work, and what if I'm not up for it, given that I am pregnant and sleepy all the time? How to I tell them that I'm pregnant and I want a 12-week maternity leave without making them mad?

Help me, Hulky. You seem so smart.

-H

HULK PRETTY SMART, THAT TRUE.

HULK UNDERSTAND IT IMPORTANT TO GET BETTER JOB, PEOPLE SPEND ONE-THIRD OF LIFE WORKING, WANT JOB THAT NOT MAKE THEM WANT TO STAB THEMSELF IN EYE WITH PENCIL.

PROBLEM HERE IS TIMING! BABY ON THE WAY! NO WAY TO TAKE NEW JOB WITHOUT TELLING NEW BOSS. IN TWO MONTHS BOSS NOTICE YOU'RE PREGNANT, WHAT DO YOU SAY, "OOPS! FORGOT TO MENTION I WILL BE WANTING THREE MONTHS OFF RIGHT DIRECTLY?" BOSS FEEL DUPED, DIFFICULT TO REGAIN TRUST. IT NOT LEGAL TO FIRE WOMAN BECAUSE SHE PREGNANT, BUT BOSS COULD FIND OTHER REASON.

BEST TO BE UP FRONT. SAY, "I REALLY WANT THIS JOB, I BE GOOD AT IT, GIVE YOU MY BEST FOR MANY YEARS! IS THERE A WAY TO ARRANGE FOR A TEMP OR LET ME WORK PART-TIME FROM HOME FOR LITTLE WHILE AFTER I RECOVER FROM BIRTH?" BE WILLING TO NEGOTIATE. IF JOB START NOW YOU WILL BE FULLY TRAINED BY THE TIME BABY COME. IF BOSS REALLY LIKE YOU, JOB MAY WAIT FOR YOU.

OTHER THING TO THINK ABOUT: DO YOU WANT HARD NEW JOB WHILE DEALING WITH INFANT BABY WHO MAYBE WON'T SLEEP? MIGHT BE TOO MUCH, MAKE YOU SNAP. MAYBE BETTER TO KEEP BORING JOB FOR ANOTHER YEAR. THEY ALREADY KNOW YOU ARE PREGNANT? THEY LIKE YOU? FIRST MONTHS WITH BABY HARD WORK, MIGHT BE BETTER FOR YOU TO KEEP EASIER, MORE FORGIVING JOB.

YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT. BEING AN ADULT SUCK, SOMETIMES HAVE TO MAKE SAFE, BORING CHOICE.

HULK'S FINGERS CROSSED FOR YOU. HULK KNOW YOU DO THE RIGHT THING.

ALSO, SLEEPINESS NORMALLY GO AWAY IN SECOND AND THIRD TRIMESTER. THEN COME THE BLOAT!

Comments

[Heidi]

THEN COME THE BLOAT is my new favorite phrase. I heart you, Hulky.

[Q]

Eeeeeeeeek this is spooky timing. I just found out I'm pregnant this weekend, and I'm in the middle of a job search. I hate hate hate my current job. They are awful. People disappear with no explanation or chance for a goodbye--including the only woman to ever get pregnant. And yet there's no way I can compete with an equally qualified non-pregnant job candidate. My husband thinks I shouldn't tell because it's none of their business. I am torn.

[Steve]

I'll disagree about offering that information. There is no need to negotiate when you hold all the cards. Cards that a lot of people have fought pretty hard to acquire over the last few decades, I might add. Absorbing some of the costs of worker pregnancy is something that employers are required to do whether they like it or not.

So I think you're on solid ground ethically. Tactically, hard to say without more information...

[Mrs. Kennedy]

Employers are required to absorb some of those costs, absolutely, but having been fired soon after ending my own maternity leave I'm afraid that employers will ultimately do what's best for them and I'd be worried that something equally as catastrophic would happen to H in a new, unknown company.

[Mrs. Kennedy]

Okay, how about this: wait until you're actually offered the job to disclose your pregnancy and see how they react. That will be a good time to judge how family friendly the new work environment really is.