Did You Just Eat Lunch? Then Don't Read This.

Consider this our highbrow post of the day. It has to be highbrow! It's about Cannes! And FILMS! FILMESES!

It's also about the "Macaulay Culkin group sex film." Oh, God. Here's the trailer! You are welcome!

The Spout Blog has a first-hand report of Sex and Breakfast, a truly...uh...important film (so important the entire damn thing is available on DVD and YouTube already) that stars Macaulay Culkin and Eliza Dushku (oh. DEAR. really?). It's about sex and swinging and sex with swingers and it stars MACAULAY CULKIN.

The plot, according to Spout:

The basic thrust of the story (ah, puns): Culkin can’t make his sexpot girlfriend come, so she suggests they go to a sex therapist who specializes in proscribing polygamy. Meanwhile, in some alternate universe section of Los Angeles where everyone not only takes cabs, but hails them on the street, Eliza Dushku gets upset when her hunky boyfriend with an identifiable foreign accent admits that he masturbates, and they go to the slut shrink, too. Dr. Orgy (a woman of maybe 70, which might be a Dr. Ruth reference, or might just be to make sure we know that sexual experimentation is a bad idea from the get go, because it’s associated with the idea of old ladies fucking) eventually hooks the two couples up, of course, but she takes almost the entire film to do it. This leaves a lot of time for long dialogue scenes, in which Culkin gets to say things like “What’s important? Pussy, and lots of it!” and Dushku attempts to repair her boyfriend’s ego by saying things like, “Shut up, I love your penis!” The couples do finally get around to Doing It, but it’s the most boring sex scene of all time, all above-the-shoulders shots of one swapped couple kissing intercut with the meaningful stares of the other couple from across the room.

Oh. Right. SPOILER ALERT! on the above paragraph, and all that.

I'm not sure I get why the film is being screened at Cannes if it's already a straight-to-DVD reject AND available on YouTube so people can skip directly to the eyeball-bleachy sex scene. (Note: I have NOT watched the eyeball-bleachy sex scene, which is available here, and dude, I'm staying so far away from this one that I just copied the link by right-clicking, lest I actually click through and the thing starts AUTOPLAYING, NO NO NO.) I suppose we can all rest easy knowing that the film doesn't actually contain any nudity, but...well, that just makes even LESS SENSE, in a way.

Source: Spout Blog via Defamer

Comments

[Liana]

Ewwww! And, Eliza Dushku? Ack ack ack! What is she DOING? She is WAY better than such....I don't even know what to call it, but she was in Buffy! That's way better! Even "Bring it On" (which I secretly love) is way better!

[Jambera12]

I actually saw this movie on Netflix online (What can i say, i still love macaulay) It wasn't terrible but it wasn't a good movie either. The plot didn't really make a whole lot of sense. And the sex featured in it was minimal. Eliza and Maculay made the movie bearable.

[Suzy Q]

Oh, great. Now you've done SPOILED it for me!

("Bring It On" rocked!)