Who Cares Who Wins Hell's Kitchen?

Authored by Super Special Guest Poster and Honorary MamaPop Betch, Sarah of Sarah And The Goon Squad

Why don't I care about "Hell's Kitchen" this season? This has been bothering me for a few weeks now. I had all these thoughts floating around in my little head and I didn't know what to do with them. Then I got an e-mail about guest posting on MamaPop and it seemed perfect.

So why don't I care? This is why - There is nobody to root for this season. I don't want any of them to win. The guys? Matt is a whiny little bitch. Booby can talk trash way better than he can cook (and he doesn't talk trash that well) Petrozza? well first of all he goes by Petrozza and second of all he isn't even close to being worthy of having his own kitchen. Don't even get me started on the women. I honestly think Christina will win because she is the least hated. She is the least bad at working in the kitchen. The Queen of the Fuck Ups. Whatever. I don't care.

"Top Chef" on the other hand - the shittiest chef among them could cook circles around the best (I could really use another word for chef or cook here. Thesaurus.com is being completely unhelpful) person in "Hell's Kitchen". Clearly Richard is the one to beat but I think Stephanie and Dale are both strong candidates and Lisa (even though she has a really bad attitude) is starting to look like a dark horse.

You know why else I think "Top Chef" is better? Ted Allen and Tom Colicchio. Padma and Gail aren't bad either. Plus they have great guest judges: Anthony Bourdain, Ming Tsai, Wylie Dufrense, and Sam Talbot, That's right. Sam from season two came back. That man is so my boyfriend.

"Top Chef" is just a well done show. (Get it? Well done? Cooking show? Heh.) Even the contestants that drive you crazy are good chefs. (I'm looking at you Andrew.) Bravo, Bravo.

So my advice to "Hell's Kitchen" (besides trying to get Sam on their show) is to cast people that are good instead of people who they think will make good tv. Sure, I'm still watching it, but I probably wouldn't if I didn't have a DVR. Why wouldn't you cast good cooks on a cooking show? You already have Gordon Ramsay to create the drama but even though he is totally hot he can only yell about the risotto and Wellington (Do people really still eat beef Wellington?) so many times before I get bored and start watching the reruns of "Project Runway". Again.
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Comments

[missbanshee]

Ah, Tracey, but you forgot the best reason that Top Chef is superior: TONY BOURDAIN AS GUEST JUDGE O HAI, I WANT MILLIONS OF UR BABEES KTHXBYE!

I'm having a hard time caring about either show this season, which bums me out. Remember Season 1 of Top Chef? Man, that kicked all sorts of ass.

[missbanshee]

Oops, Sarah, my apologies. Not enough coffee yet.

[Amalah]

I agree completely about Hell's Kitchen this season. I'm watching Kitchen Nightmares reruns on BBC America to get my delicious Ramsay fix instead because I simply cannot work up the slightest bit of interest in the contestants.

The reason I love the Bravo shows is because they get people who can do things that I cannot do (design clothing in a day, cook creative gourmet meals in 15 minutes) and they are really genuinely good at those things! THIS is the formula for a good cooking-related reality show -- Hell's Kitchen is what would happen if American Idol let William Hung in the Top 10, or something.

[jenny]

The problem with Kitchen Nightmares is that they keep rerunning the same ones :(

I completely agree though that this season of Hell's kitchen has neither sympathetic or even interestingly bad characters.. it's just irritating.

so i haven't minded missing it so much since it's Stanley cup time ;)

[Cheryl]

Exactly. The Bravo shows generally feature people you can admire instead of revile. Which is refreshing. Even though they usually have a few crazies mixed in (hello Andrew "I'm either going to stab someone or cook some really great food right now" D'Ambrosi)for some fun extra flavor, their nonsense is definitely more of a side dish than the entree of the show (yes, I made a super lame food joke). I think it will come down to Richard and Stephanie (my favorite) this year, although Antonia has been really impressive lately. Lisa had a few good moments but she's been at the bottom a lot and I think she'll go in the next episode or two.

[jay]

I don't watch Hell's Kitchen...pretty much for all the reasons you cover above. I do watch Top Chef though. I feel like you get more insight and I might like it even more for the website where I can find recipes to prove that yeah, I *could* totally make that (despite my not understanding of what a Robot Coupe does differently from a regular processor...I mean, are they require to do product placement? I think I'd just say Cuisinart until people yelled at me.) and the blogs! The blogs! Ted Allen's is generally funny enough that I'm no longer allowed to drink my coffee while reading (my screen thanks me for that)...and I like it when Tom or Rocco blog as well. Nothing like a hot man that can cook and write well about it.

That said, I believe Sam might be two-timing you because I'm pretty sure he's my boyfriend too ;)

[Jen]

I wrote about this after the first episode of this season's Hell's Kitchen. It's like the Garbage Pail Kids version of Top Chef. Just incredibly awful.

And doesn't Matt look like Beeker the Muppet, the way his mouth moves when he talks? He's such an odd duck, that one.

[Robyn G]

I, too, have been getting my Ramsey fix from Kitchen Nightmares.

He's just so much more *human* on that show - not acting for the cameras, as our "reality" television dictates.

[Amber]

Wow, this post mirrors my feelings about both of these shows this season so much it's like you cribbed off my brain! I can't be bothered to care about any of the "chefs" on Hell's Kitchen this year, whatsoever. None of them deserve to be even a sous chef in a fine dining establishment. They should all be managing Popeye's franchises at best.

I think they're lamb wellingtons, but nevertheless, I have no desire to take a perfectly good piece of lamb and cover it in pastry. Bleh. That menu needs a serious revision, first off. Second, TALENT would be nice. At this point, I only continue to watch out of tradition: my friends and I gather weekly to watch and snark about the show.

Top Chef, on the other hand, has been really compelling this season. So much talent! I can't even really keep hating on smarmy Richard or tantrum-throwing Dale at this point because it's clear they're just plain gifted. I have my favorites (Stephanie and Antonia), but as long as Debbie Downer, I mean Lisa, doesn't win, I will be happy with the outcome. I know that Hell's Kitchen is going for friction as compelling TV, but I wish they would realize, as Bravo has, that watching talented people do what they're good at, can be a lot more compelling than watching a bunch of rejects back-stab each other.

[Dani]

If it weren't for an unhealthy love of Gordon Ramsay, I wouldn't be watching Hell's Kitchen this season. They all suck, and it's more of a train wreck than a competition of skill. Top Chef, on the other hand, has some actual talent, and I do think Richard should take the title. I strongly dislike Lisa's lack of interpersonal skills, so I don't want her to win. And Dale's whiny.

Thank goodness my new cable package has BBCA, even if it does appear as though I've completely caught up and there aren't any new Kitchen Nightmares for me to watch. On the bright side, I caught Gordon on Rachael Ray Monday, so that was a nice treat. Yum.