Love And Marriage: Go Together Like Emo Music And Eyeliner

According to "reliable sources" - which we all know can mean anything from someone's publicist to someone's uncle's cousin to the latte-jockey at the local Starbucks - Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are getting married this weekend.

What? You didn't get your invitation? That's because there were no invitations. Just, you know, 'save the date' notices, which are basically just a text message that you get saying 'oh hai u bzy this wknd? kul prty on frdy!!!!'

Which means, probably, also, that there's also no cake. Emo boys don't eat cake, except for maybe sometimes Black Forest cake, which doesn't lend itself well to weddings because, you know, the evocation of slaughter in all those mushy maraschino cherries. Which might be sorta cool, from emo boy's perspective, but it doesn't really matter, does it, because there were no invitations and nobody knows where the party is. Apparently, there'll be shuttles or something, but still. No invites, no cake = no fun. I'll stay home, thank you very much.

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[Marmite Breath]

These two are in second place (after Speidi) for Couple That Make Me Want To Go All Stabby.

Third place is J-Lo and Skeletor, and then TomKat.

I should get a damn life.