Stuff My Hairdresser Swears Is True (But Probably Isn’t)

Authored by Super Special Guest Poster and Honorary MamaPop Betch, Jenny of The Bloggess

Sweetney asked if I wanted to write something for MamaPop, and I figured she must be high because all I know about celebrity gossip is the rambling diatribe I pick up from my hairdresser who probably needs medication... but then I realized that I *did* actually have something to share.

Stuff my hairdresser swears is true but probably isn’t:

Britney Spears is pregnant.

Ellen Degeneres is pregnant.

Angelina Jolie is not pregnant but is faking being pregnant because she wants to adopt some white babies and feels guilty about it.

The chick that plays Hermione Granger is secretly 39 years old and stays young-looking by bathing in pig placentas.  Also, she’s pregnant.

The Iron Man movie was based on a true story being suppressed by the US Government.  In fact, the whole thing was funded by the Department of Homeland Security so that when you complain to the police about how Iron Man is wire-tapping you without a search warrant they will just think you’re drunk again.

“The Office” is a real documentary and the people who are on it don’t realize that they are on TV.

Kirstie Alley is actually skinny and just wears fat suits for attention.

Mary Kate Olsen is not actually related to Ashley.  When Ashley's mom realized that she was sitting on a goldmine she adopted another baby who looked just like Ashley so could charge “Full House” double the money.  Then when the girls got older one of them started looking different so she had to have plastic surgery which accidentally damaged her “smiling muscles”.  Now the other one doesn’t smile either so it won’t look suspicious.

Kirsten Dunst is narcoleptic and is never more than 70% awake at any time.

Kirsten Dunst used to be a man.

Kirsten Dunst had the vampire teeth she used in “Interview with a Vampire” surgically implanted in her jaw to remind herself never to work with Tom Cruise again.

Kirsten Dunst is pregnant.

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Please visit Jenny at The Bloggess