Tom Cruise Manages To Keep His Feet Off The Couch

We were all too busy watching Oprah's interview with Tom Cruise to actually write anything about it on Friday. And then, you know, we were kinda exhausted from the immense amount of mental energy that it took to watch that shiz and actually pay attention and pretend that Tom Cruise is an actual human being who speaks English and not just a Scientology borg who has to filter every sentence that comes out of his mouth through a Xenan-English dictionary that is implanted somewhere in his cerebral cortex. Yeah, that was tiring. For me, anyway.

And, looky here, it's already Monday and I can't think of a single intelligent thing to say about that interview, probably because there was not a single intelligent thing said in that interview. Which, you know, is to be expected, but still: one hopes for some profound insight into the banality and stupidity of the celebrity condition when one listens to Tom Cruise speak. Or at least some couch-jumping or finger-wagging or maniacal laughter accompanied by some creepy eye-rolling. None of which we got, much to my intense disappointment.

Instead, we got to hear the word 'amazing' uttered about sixteen trillion times (Katie Holmes? AMAZING. Suri? AMAZING. Being Tom Cruise? AMAZING. Living in twenty thousand square feet of log? AMAZING) and listen to him dodge questions about why Nicole Kidman never gets to see her kids anymore ("It just hasn't eventuated in that way... We share custody whenever. Whenever. That’s what it is”) and basically just watch him put every ounce of will and effort that he possesses in that little cyborg body into looking and sounding normal. Which he didn't quite achieve, but he also didn't fail as spectacularly at as he has in the past.

You can see full vid of the interview here, if you're interested, and if you happen to be among the 2 dozen people in North America who haven't seen it yet. Otherwise, you might consider just going out and renting Risky Business or Top Gun and seeing if you can't spot the moment that he got possessed by alien spirits and started going insane.

Comments

[Caroline]

Or, for the love of all that's holy, you can go to Bossy and see the amazing REENACTMENT of OPRAH'S VISIT to THE CRUISE-IVERSE.

Bossy + old Barbies + current events = HEH!!!

[missbanshee]

you could practically see the Xenu-issued cattle prod poking Tommy in the back, just waiting for him to show an actual emotion. And WHAT was up with KatieBot fleeing the house 14 milliseconds after Oprah showed up? And Suri's cupboard under the stairs? That boy just ain't right. Ain't. Right.

[Peggasus]

I am one of those two dozen who did not see it, because he creeps me out.

And now he's making up words, apparently. 'Eventuated?' WTF?

[DianaCLT]

It was all just so...staged. The words were so rehearsed. Everything in its place - I swear, even the props...er...I mean "decor" - was told to behave. The first thing I saw? The American flag. Don't get me wrong - I like our country a lot, for the most part. But Tom, Oprah, SOMEBODY made sure it was the first thing to be seen in that first shot in the front yard. And again - over the fireplace. SO staged. I just don't see Tom Cruise as the type to be draping Americana around his house.

What I want to know is, what is Tom doing for Oprah? Because...Friday? And again, today? He must be building a whole new school for her or SOMETHING! Because I just don't see Oprah as the type to lavish that much love on someone unless she's getting something in return, or actually genuinely likes the person. And Tom? Just not all that likeable, IMHO.

[sweetney]

oh holy god the discomfort.

[jodifur]

My favorite part of the interview was when Oprah would start to ask a tough question and then would back down and rephrase her question to soft ball it. It was ridiculous.

And he was lying through his teeth through most of it and his answers didn't make sense. He felt "pressed" during the Matt Lauer interview? he just started spuing crap. He and Nicole Kidman don't "have time" to be in the same room with their children for x-mas? And I felt so bad for her with his "I've never been in love before" crap."

And I'm totally watching todays.

[Lori]

I'm one of the 2 dozen people who didn't see this what with the working and not being able to stomach watching Oprah OR Tom, but, I really do need to see this. Somewhat disappointed by reports of no further couch jumping though...

[ko]

It was very uncomfortable to watch, because he's so utterly controlled.

While I'm not trying to defend him, I will say this though about he and Nicole not getting together at holidays or big family dinners... My parents divorced when I was young. Believe me, they didn't spend Christmas together again. Why should they? They're divorced! Do you really want to spend Christmas with the ex? Whom you just might privately despise although you wouldn't say it pubicly and definitely not to your kids. And when my parents remarried... having all four in the room for a holiday would just be plain uncomfortable. At weddings, graduations... sure everyone was there and pleasant with eachother.

And my brother, sister and I grew up just fine (really!) without "for the sake of the children" holidays.

I know some divorced couples can do it and good for them, but most don't in my experience.

[ko]

err... "you wouldn't say it 'publicly' NOT 'pubicly' like I wrote. Oops. I presume you wouldn't say it that way either.

[jodifur]

ko-I totally get that. I just thought the "we are too busy" excuse was lame. "We don't do that" or "we split holidays," was a better, more appropriate response. Too busy just sounded like such garbage to me. Like, they would do it, if only they could find the time.