What the Hell, Eva Mendes?

And what the hell to you, too, Italian Vogue!

The European fashion sensibility, it's just different somehow . . .

More photos after the jump, moderately safe for work (which means lots of thigh but no nipples).

My garter belt days are behind me now but Italian stylists obviously don't let go of restrictive lingerie if it will give a photo a frisson of good ol' retro glow. And look at what a toughie Eva is in this shot! "I will only show you my armpits if you lay down on the floor like the worm you are!"

You can go ahead and laugh at me for saying this but some of these photos, which were all taken by Steven Meisel, capture something real about sex, as opposed to that airbrushed Barbie-doll Playboy style we've become so used to -- and incredibly bored by.

"Real" in the Susie Bright sense, when you go ahead and lie on your stomach and grab your heels because the moment somehow calls for it. Because you're having sex in the kitchen after all, so if you have to put your tummy on a cold, hard surface, well, you're probably too worked up to even notice. And is that jar under the counter full of . . . seashells?  I guess you never know when you'll have to serve food in little, tiny seashells, although personally I never do it unless all the other dishes are broken, and let's face it, when I'm having sex in the kitchen I'm smashing shit right and left, that's just how I roll. In my mind.

However, I've never really wanted to roll in a red wig, high-waisted shorts, and a neck bow with somebody's (hopefully warm)(and clean) feet mushing up my breasts out behind the garage. Seriously, the neighbors would freak if they saw me wearing orange lipstick like that.

More photos here, or you can click here to go to Italian Vogue, then click on Eva Mendes cover and that will open up a slideshow of the whole layout.

Comments

[Michelle]

Is it just me or are those feet manicured? And smooth legs? Man or woman??

[DianaCLT]

Thank you thank you THANK YOU for the fantabulously hysterical commentary! Snorting and snotting all over the place!

[Mrs. Kennedy]

You're welcome! And I like the fact that those legs are kind of ambiguous -- they first read as manly for me, but then I look again and they're mighty smooth and is that nail polish on those toes? Awesome.

[Teresa]

Okay, let me just say that I have this thing with feet... I don't like them. So I was as thrown by the sea shells in the kitchen as I was by the size her feet look in the first photo. The angle of the foot and that damn blue shoe make her feet look huge.

[Deb on the Rocks]

I has occurred to me that I would have better luck getting into some asanas if I were wearing stilettos, and this confirms it.

I love the one where she's loving her female lover's feet, but that's pretty uninspired. But the first one where she's sucking her own is the keeper.

[Susie Bright]

Wow. I am going to run right out and get this copy and pore over it for days. I've always been enchanted with Mendes, but this takes the cake. She is devastating, and the design is mouthdropping. Thank you so much for invoking me, of all people. I am honored!

[melissaS]

Personal Favorite.

"....although personally I never do it unless all the other dishes are broken, and let's face it, when I'm having sex in the kitchen I'm smashing shit right and left, that's just how I roll. In my mind."

[Kristin]

Oh, please don't doubt yourself. I've been surfing blogs all night, and THAT was the funniest thing I've stumbled across (through Fussy...) in weeks! Too funny. You rock!

[Sils]

And fetishists have something to drool over for months...

[Mrs. Kennedy]

OMG Susie Bright left a comment? EEEEE!

[Lina]

WoW...
I watched Eva Mendes full Sex Video http://celeb-film.com
and
Eva Mendes hot Sex Tape http://newhotpeople.com

[gwen]

I prefer to think they're her own feet. Hey, it would be easier to explain than her choice of scarf.

[Sonia]

GAAAAAAH! All the feet?! *shudder* DO NOT WANT!!! I got to meet Eva once, at the Gramercy Park Hotel in NYC. I was smashed drunk and stupid, and she was quite polite with my rude drooling ass.