What the Hell, Eva Mendes?

And what the hell to you, too, Italian Vogue!

The European fashion sensibility, it's just different somehow . . .

More photos after the jump, moderately safe for work (which means lots of thigh but no nipples).

My garter belt days are behind me now but Italian stylists obviously don't let go of restrictive lingerie if it will give a photo a frisson of good ol' retro glow. And look at what a toughie Eva is in this shot! "I will only show you my armpits if you lay down on the floor like the worm you are!"

You can go ahead and laugh at me for saying this but some of these photos, which were all taken by Steven Meisel, capture something real about sex, as opposed to that airbrushed Barbie-doll Playboy style we've become so used to -- and incredibly bored by.

"Real" in the Susie Bright sense, when you go ahead and lie on your stomach and grab your heels because the moment somehow calls for it. Because you're having sex in the kitchen after all, so if you have to put your tummy on a cold, hard surface, well, you're probably too worked up to even notice. And is that jar under the counter full of . . . seashells?  I guess you never know when you'll have to serve food in little, tiny seashells, although personally I never do it unless all the other dishes are broken, and let's face it, when I'm having sex in the kitchen I'm smashing shit right and left, that's just how I roll. In my mind.

However, I've never really wanted to roll in a red wig, high-waisted shorts, and a neck bow with somebody's (hopefully warm)(and clean) feet mushing up my breasts out behind the garage. Seriously, the neighbors would freak if they saw me wearing orange lipstick like that.

More photos here, or you can click here to go to Italian Vogue, then click on Eva Mendes cover and that will open up a slideshow of the whole layout.