Elegant Olga Dodged a Bullet with Dimitri

Alternate title: How Not to Pick Up Chicks.

Douche, n.: a male species of human, indigenous to various regions, often found near adult nectar watering holes. The douche is known for demonstrating virility through truly heinous methods and enjoys condescending to women as a way to force their submission. 

The story is this: some d-bag named Dimitri calls the object of his obsession affection, elegant Olga, after a brief, two-minute encounter in a San Francisco bar. Olga gives Dimitri her business card, he calls, she fails to return his call in a timely manner, hilarity ensues. Audio above.

Dimitri describes himself as "a real catch" and says things like:

"You're an extremely elegant woman. I couldn't take my eyes off you, and your friends were very jealous, even if they say they weren't..."

"I'm Greek and I'm extremely particular about what I like. So I'm giving you an opportunity here. "

He scolds her during his second call and says that he will only forgive her for not calling him if she had a major emergency but if she's sick or a head case then he's lost interest. He actually gives her a Wednesday, 3 p.m. deadline for calling him back and brags that he doesn't like timid women.

Just, OHMYGAWD. This call reminds me of a guy I went out with once, the one and only blind date I ever went on. The jerk was so condescending that I excused myself during dinner, crouched in a bathroom stall and called a friend to pick me up at the restaurant where we were dining. I snuck out through the kitchen and never returned. The date only called my gigantic late 90s cell phone once and left me a message which stated that he did not take me to a nice restaurant to sit at the table while I was in the bathroom.

(Feel free to share a story in the comments of the biggest douche you ever dated/encountered/etc.)

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Comments

[meghan]

Is HE psychologically normal??

[Lindsay]

WOW! Yikes! Scary!

That is the scariest, creeptiest, funniest thing I've ever heard. Bwahaha!

I once met a guy at a bar, had 1 date, and decided I wasn't interested. He proceeded to call me every few weeks for 6 MONTHS. Even though we hadn't spoken once and I never returned any of his calls.

He finally got the message when I finally answered one of his calls in a drunken stupor and completely went off on him. Oy.

[b]

I once had some asshat take me to the most wonderful dinner I have ever had. Everything was perfect until we were driving home and he said, "So did I just invest $230 on a really sexy and fun night or did I just blow it on a boring dinner?"

Jackass.

[Georgia]

I once met a cute guy in a bar, and in my drunkin state, gave him my number. I thought better of it the next day, just cause something seemed off about him, so I didn't answer when he called the next day.

He proceeded to call and text me for weeks on end, somehow found my myspace even though he didn't know my last name, and wrote me myspace messages even though I had wrote him back telling him I wasn't ready to date. The last time I heard from him a few months ago, he texted me "I hate you" in the middle of the night. Scary shit.

[Tina]

I had sent the audio link of Dmitri's messages to Olga to my college age daughter and her friend exhorting them to AVOID AT ALL COSTS this kind of guy. That he would be totally unacceptable as a son-in-law if he made it to the church without me killing him first.

[Jessica]

On my first date, like, ever, when I was 16, the kid PROPOSED.

Uhhhhhhh I said no.

p.s. SWEATY STACHE

[Sils]

So, the worst part is that this appears to be real. I was so hoping it was not.

http://www.hollywoodgrind.com/tag/james-sears/

[Suzy Q]

Holy fuck!

I went out with a psycho last year, who seemed normal at first, but then it got weird with all of his BS stories. So, I met him for lunch to "break up" with him (after one date, several phone calls and emails and an alleged hospitalization, that is). He started crying, so I wussed out and said I would think about it. One second later, I was still sure I did not ever want to see him again. I waited a week and then sent him a very nice email with all of the verbal stroking men seem to require.

I got a return email from his Mr. Hyde personality, full of vitriol. Which I suppose I should have let pass. But, you do NOT attempt to smack me down in writing and expect to live. So, I wrote him back enumerating each and every thing I found to be odd/suspect/false/turn-offy about him. It wa a real bitchslap of an email. He wrote back, EXTREMELY chastised, which I ignored.

And then, a few months later, I got one of those "I'm interested" thingies from him via the dating site I met him through. As if he didn't even know who I was! Psycho!!

[Caroline]

Holy shit!

Toronto newspapers identified Dimitri as James Sears, who is a former doctor stripped of his medical license after he was criminally convicted of sexually assaulting female patients.

http://www.hollywoodgrind.com/tag/james-sears/

His website, and the CARTOON... holy shit! This guy's a great candidate for chemical castration. No, on second thought... rusty fork castration. What a pig.

[George]

Dimitri is a perfectly sane specimen of malehood who would like to get together with Olga, who is elegant. He leaves her two voicemail messages in an attempt to woo her into his loving, perfectly sane arms. The message itself is rather lengthy so I extracted the best part.

[joedogjoe]

"... Olga, after a brief, two-minute encounter in a San Francisco bar. Olga gives Dimitri her business card ... "

Olga's an idiot.

[katelin]

This guy seriously gives all guys a bad name.

[Zep]

I am getting four or five calls a day(no message) from a guy I don't want to "be friends" with. I wish ATT had a silent ringtone I could download and assign to this guy's number.

[Dave]

I'm on Team Olga!
http://www.cafepress.com/dimitriandolga