Heidi Montag Presents: Songs From The Hellmouth!

I'm just going to apologize right up front here: yesterday, I caused untold numbers of eyeballs to bleed by posting a paparazzi photo of Rod Stewart in mismatched pink separates perfecting his latch, and for that I'm sorry. Sorryish. It was a crazy-assed piece of celebuweirdness that I felt warranted sharing, and I make no apologies for making that celebuweirdness available for your critical analysis, but still - eyeballs were injured, and there's no getting around that. Such are the risks of celebrity gossipmongering.

And now I'm going to do it again, but this time, it's your ears that will bleed if you dare follow the link. You've been warned.

Heidi Montag - who is, I believe, clear evidence that there is a Hell and that it does from time to time spit up its spawn into the dimension of the living - has released a single from whatever toxic musical concoction she has been brewing with her boyfriend/fellow spawn Spencer. It's called 'Fashion,' and you don't need to play it backwards to hear messages from the Inferno. I couldn't make it past the opening verse, in which Heidi declares herself - in some sort of high-pitched sing-songy rap that I swear severed some nerves in my cerebral cortex - 'fabulous' and 'fierce' and then babbles some nonsense in really, really bad French, but I'm pretty sure that I could make out, in the background, choruses of demons wailing about the lack of cable in the fourth circle of Hell.

You can listen to it here, if you are very brave, very perverse or happen to have an exorcist on hand.

Comments

[Judy]

And the label is doing an album with 12 more of those.

I wasn't offended by the Rod post. I'm still chuckling at, "Don't dare. You can't unsee this shit." I didn't dare. That one pic was enough.

[Liana]

Ehhh heh heh heh. Yes, I listened to it. Uhm....hrm. Yeah. DUMB. The worst part? DEFINITELY the squeaky French rapping, OH MY HELL. EWWWW. Also, urgh. And her voice was SO edited/processed/auto-tuned/computerized/whatever...and she STILL managed to sound pretty bad.

[Maxine Dangerous]

Nicely written! :) I'm getting pretty good at controlling my mirth while reading Mamapop at work and lo, the idea of that twit singing causes much of it. :) (Am not going to listen to her "sing." I hear (ha!) replacement Eustachian tubes are pretty pricey. :))

[kristy]

Had I not been told that she was the one singing I would have thought it was a song from one of the SNL Deep House Dish skits.

[antsypantsy]

You know, I gave it a try. I really did. Alas, the beat is generic, the lyrics are mindless, and the singing is of the high school talent show variety, with the squealing after every word and the trying too hard and the what not. Even Paris Hilton's song Turn It Up is, and I'm ashamed to say this, it's catchy!

[Suzy Q]

Will. Not. Listen.

And you can't make me!

[Irma]

Ok, I'm two weeks late to this particular party, but I did want to mention that, umm, the bad French? I am completely bilingual and I couldn't understand a bloody word she said. On the other hand, I couldn't really understand the English words, either, so I guess that makes it a tie in general suckiness?