Heidi Montag Presents: Songs From The Hellmouth!

I'm just going to apologize right up front here: yesterday, I caused untold numbers of eyeballs to bleed by posting a paparazzi photo of Rod Stewart in mismatched pink separates perfecting his latch, and for that I'm sorry. Sorryish. It was a crazy-assed piece of celebuweirdness that I felt warranted sharing, and I make no apologies for making that celebuweirdness available for your critical analysis, but still - eyeballs were injured, and there's no getting around that. Such are the risks of celebrity gossipmongering.

And now I'm going to do it again, but this time, it's your ears that will bleed if you dare follow the link. You've been warned.

Heidi Montag - who is, I believe, clear evidence that there is a Hell and that it does from time to time spit up its spawn into the dimension of the living - has released a single from whatever toxic musical concoction she has been brewing with her boyfriend/fellow spawn Spencer. It's called 'Fashion,' and you don't need to play it backwards to hear messages from the Inferno. I couldn't make it past the opening verse, in which Heidi declares herself - in some sort of high-pitched sing-songy rap that I swear severed some nerves in my cerebral cortex - 'fabulous' and 'fierce' and then babbles some nonsense in really, really bad French, but I'm pretty sure that I could make out, in the background, choruses of demons wailing about the lack of cable in the fourth circle of Hell.

You can listen to it here, if you are very brave, very perverse or happen to have an exorcist on hand.