Because You Haven't Really Arrived As A Feminist Until You've Bitched About Being Condescended To By The New York Times

So, this story is a whole THREE DAYS OLD - which is like 6 months in gossip years - but still. It's not really gossip - it's internet feminist meta-commentary, yo - and it involves US (as in we, your betches, and not the print tabloid that is a mainstay of dentists' waiting rooms and cottage privvies everywhere) and so we would be remiss to overlook it. We are, after all, nothing if not self-absorbed.

Here's the thing: you see that picture on the upper left, there? That's me. Well, actually, that's my baby, and the back of my head. A little forward, right in front of me, is the stunning Sweetney. Dana is somewhere within licking distance. And holding the microphone for me while I prattle on and on and on and on about some matter of global importance is Mom-101 (honorary betch). Why do you care? Because that picture was on the front page of the New York Times Style section. Which, depending upon how you slice it, is either mind-bogglingly cool, or a slap in the face with a cold, wet patriarchal noodle.

The picture was taken at the BlogHer conference that took place the other weekend; the accompanying article was entitled "Blogging's Glass Ceiling," and it told a story of the conference that highlighted the upkeep of the restrooms and women bloggers' tendency to whine dramatically about being marginalized as members of writing and tech communities by those communities and by the mainstream media. Oh, and I think that it might have mentioned something about lactating. And make-up. And Oprah.

Which, you know, is a semi-accurate representation of the conference experience. I wore make-up; I was lactating. I didn't see Oprah there - last I checked, she wasn't keeping up with her blog - but I'm pretty sure that I whined a little bit. Here's the thing, though: that conference - and the women attending it - was and were and are about so much more than make-up and free chocolate. And we whine for a reason. We whine because when we raise our voices? We get relegated to the Style section. We're not news, we're not tech, we're not business - we're style. Which is a little irksome.

But I'm not interested in bitching about that right now. I'm still pretty tickled to have had my name dropped anywhere in the New York Times, so it would be disingenuous of me to voice full outrage at having been dropped onto the front page of the Style section. What I am interested in bitching about: the misogynist blowhards who have been bitching about the women who have chosen to bitch.

The blowhards, apparently, have nothing better to do than to stay on the lookout for any evidence of women forgetting their place in society. Have we dared to dip our toes into the dangerous waters of business and technology? Are we trying to swim with sharks? Well, then, we should not complain when someone points their fingers at our frilly bathing costumes! We should be grateful to be noticed, we with our puffy flotation devices and our silly mom-blogging girl-blogging dog-paddle splash-splash games! Which don't deserve any recognition to begin with! So suck it up, silly girls! And maybe try growing some balls and getting a real blog! (*grab crotch here*)

To wit:

This: And as for you, you idiot HuffPo woman whining because the New York Times ran this story in the "Style & Fashion" section: Look a gift horse in the mouth, why don't you? You're lucky they even bothered to cover your stupid "BlogHer" conference.

And this: If a female blogger wants to be taken seriously, it's not at all difficult:

1.  Have at least half a brain and demonstrate that it actually functions by not writing egregiously stupid stuff.

2.  At least 75 percent of your posts should have nothing to do with you or your life.

3.  Don't post a picture or talk about your romantic life, your children or your pets. 

4.  Don't threaten to quit blogging every time anyone criticizes you. 

5. Learn how to defend your positions with facts and logic instead of passive-aggressive parthian shots fired off as you run away.

The reality is that most female bloggers aren't taken seriously because they don't merit it.

(LATE EDIT: Oh, and? We are also, apparently - or at least I am, on the basis of having written this post - "narcissistic, brainless, lactating cows"! *pumps hoof in air*)

Whatever.

Here's a thought for you gentlemen: most male bloggers aren't taken seriously. Most bloggers, as has been pointed out in nearly every post that I read on the subject, don't make enough money for gum off of their personal sites, regardless of gender. But are male bloggers courted as relentlessly as female bloggers, individually and as a community? No. Women bloggers - and especially bloggers who fall into the 'parenting' niche of the blogosphere - are actively and aggressively courted by corporations and PR firms and literary agents and media conglomerates. LOTS of us. MOST of us. So we're not bitching about Big Business ignoring us - anyone who spent a minute at the conference could see that Big Business has a big mother-effing hard-on for women bloggers - we're bitching about getting respect out of the deal. They want us - they like our missives on lactation and body image and fear and depression and love and all that girly shit. They take us plenty seriously. They know that there's a big audience for that girly shit. But they're still being coy about showing us the money. So we're doing our damnedest to support each other in getting what we deserve - full credit and decent compensation for our talent - and not just putting out for a steak dinner and an "I'll call you" note in the morning.

So when NYT does a puff 'Style' piece on us, yeah, we roll our eyes. Chocolates and flowers. Thanks, but no thanks. We'd rather not be looked at as perfumed commodities, things to fuck and exploit.  We'd like to be recognized for the force that we are.

So. That photo that was featured on the front page? It was taken during a session on the topic of whether mom-blogging is still (STILL!) a radical act. It was taken in the moment just before I stood up, babe in arms, fresh off the tit, to say that we know that mom-blogging - WOMAN-blogging - is still radical because there is still so much animosity, so much hate toward it, so much deprecation of it, so much dismissal of it, so much effort put into its marginalization. What is radical about it is that we push on, demanding to be heard, and demanding recognition of our worth as mothers, women, writers, business-people, innovators, people, against the ignorance of those who would keep us down.

Thank you, misogynist blowhards of the Internet, for helping me to demonstrate my point.

Postscript: NYT responds.

Comments

[Julie]

What Gwen said about making our own rules. There's really no reason to get angry at these nitwits, because they're betting on the wrong horse - and they're SCARED.

We'll just keep doing what we love, in the way that we want to do it.

[sweetney]

Re: Making our own rules, AGREED. I love how internet troll douchebags decide they know how things are supposed to run -- The Rules of The Internet and Blogging WRIT IN CAPITALS -- and feel they can just lay that on us and we'll take it as gospel truth. ORLY? I CALL BULLSHIT.

It's no different than the comment trolls who tried to convince me that, like, OMG, you CAN'T moderate comments! It's against the rules of the internet and stuff! WHAT? Umm no, not MY rules, asshat. Convenient that The Rules they speak of always conform to their tastes, their desires, their needs, their expectations, no? Well fuck a bunch of that. It's what men have been doing to women forever: claiming the playing field and the decision-making power as their own and expecting us to cower in submission and agree to follow what they say is The One True Way.

Guess what, blowhards? There is no One True Way anymore. Your modus operandi is obsolete, dudes. Rage and snipe all you want, I'll be over here laughing at you and your ineffectual bluster... and then TOTALLY IGNORING YOU. Because frankly I've got better things to do than pay attention to your antiquated ideas about the way the world -- and yes, the internet -- works. Welcome to our new world order.

Oh and PS: SUCK IT.

[West Coast Grrlie Blather]

Amen. Though apparently I am a defeatist, because I named my blog West Coast Grrlie Blather. Hang on...I might be ironic!

[slynnro]

Sweetney- I was at the Naked Blogging panel and that was one thing that really resonated with me and was really validating- your statement that just because you allow comments doesn't mean people are OWED comments.

[Kat]

Damn girl, you have done it again. Beautifully written - once again!

[Chicky Chicky Baby]

Oh my CHRIST, YES!

That is all.

[KrisUnderwood]

That fucking rocks. For Real. That's all

[Heidi]

i'm a super newbie blogger and not at all informed about feminist issues, but am i the only one who is bothered by the fact that the google ads at the top of the page are for 1) perfume, 2) handbags, and 3) make-up? don't get me wrong, i love me some google (and perfume, handbags, and make-up) but isn't that kinda more of the same?

[bevson]

I remember the NYT photographer being at the conference and I had such high hopes. Sigh. What was I thinking? I was also outraged that the conference was in the style section. Good Lord. While we were all snappily dressed with great shoes, I think the real news was totally missed. 1,000 women (and some men) bloggers were gathered together to talk about important issues, build a community, excel at our craft and support one another. Disappointed, I clicked away with the expletive "Idiots!" and moved on. Thank you for expressing our collective outrage. We will not be marginalized!

[Her Bad Mother]

Lisa - the blogger from that second link now has a vitriolic hate post about me and my argument above. I believe he uses the words, "narcissistic, brainless, lactating cow..."

[Megan]

You go girl! Thanks for saying everything I was thinking.

Megan

[Lilly Munster]

Who the fuck cares if they like women blogging or not? Their IS a market for for it and that is what irritates those guys. I bet they developed their dislike of women while in college-when their only "hot date" was a microwaved jar of valeline.

[Lilly Munster]

Who the fuck cares if they like women blogging or not? Their IS a market for for it and that is what irritates those guys. I bet they developed their dislike of women while in college-when their only "hot date" was a microwaved jar of vaseline.

[moosh in indy.]

Whee! It almost wants to make me burn my bra and dance around naked. Almost.
As Sam said.
I heart you so hard.

[Karen Sugarpants]

This is fantastic, Catherine. Absolutely fantastic.

[blogversary]

Well said.

[Lawyer Mama]

Catherine - I want to effin' KISS you!

I may not necessarily agree that blogging about motherhood is a radical act, but putting yourself out there and trying to change things is. And that's certainly what you've done here!

Go, YOU!

[Don Mills Diva]

Brilliant post!

[Donna]

Wow. Beautifully stated. Thank you, Catherine.

[Kimberly]

Amazing and brilliant - just like you, girl. Roar!

[Angella]

I am late to the party (per usual) but wanted to give you a HUGE high-five. Or kudos. Or hug.

LOVED THIS.

[Jack]

This is blown so far out of proportion.

[Jessica (aka Rose from It's my life...)]

YEAH!
I so wanted to comment on that blowhard's blog, but I didn't want to give him more grist for the mill. Also, didn't want to waste any more time on his site.
You, on the other hand, ROCK. Thanks for posting this!

[becky]

Resisting the urge to go over there and call the blowhard an asshat for the irritating personal attacks on Catherine. I enjoyed your post, HBM. You did a fabulous job.

[Lara]

it's things like this that make me ashamed to have such stellar taste in shoes. i think my fashion-forwardness is what put us in the style section. my apologies to you all.

okay, i'm kidding, obviously. is this not the place for a joke? i'm supposed to be taking this seriously? trust me, I AM. but i'm also not going to let some asshat douchebags convince me that i'm not allowed to be stylish AND taken seriously. if you want to write about fashion and style and how those things played out at blogher, fine. write the story, take pictures of the stylish ladies, put it in the style section. but if you want to write about issues of blogging itself, including advertising, marketing, publicity, tech issues, etc., then fucking learn to put it in the appropriate section.