Happy Fourth of July: Things on a Stick Edition

As you sit down to enjoy some bar-be-cue and engage in the beautiful, honored pastime of blowing stuff up, please take a moment to remember what our country is all about ...

stuff on sticks.

While some countries parade around their ice creams on a stick (we patriots scoff at such elementary accomplishments. HELLO, we stopped the world from sprechender Deutscher, I think we're beyond simple desserts on sticks, folks) we badass Americans do much more with our sticks. We've applied that tried and true American ingenuity to the stick.

Ever hear of teriyaki ostrich on a stick?

No, you didn't until America invented it! A hard boiled egg wrapped in pork sausage and fried in bread crumbs ON A STICK? Please. Ever think Italy thought to put spaghetti on a stick? Ah, how about a NO for $200 Alex? And that, dear readers, is why we're America. [Cue the most awesome theme song ever.]

Have a happy Fourth of July and remember, a toe or finger lost in the name of celebrating all that is American awesomeness with pyro is nothing short of patriotism. But like, try to be careful because patriotism can hurt.

[stuff on sticks video via]