The Greatest Relationship Advice Column In The History Of The World By Donald Trump

Dear Anne Hathaway,

Yes. I, Donald Trump, am aware you didn't actually write a question to this, The Greatest Relationship Advice Column In The History Of The World By Donald Trump, but I, Donald Trump, am going to offer you some advice anyway. And if you want to be the next Apprentice, or get married before you turn into a dried-up old hag of 27, or be successful in life on any level, you will listen to every goddamn word I, Donald Trump, have to say.

You (*dramatic cobra hand gesture*) are disloyal. So your boyfriend gets arrested for a couple minor felonies or something, and you break up with him! Some people might think that you already gave him more than a fair benefit of a doubt by staying with him as long as you did, but I, Donald Trump, know better. You liked him enough when he had plenty of money, but after that, not as good, right? (And you can quote me on that one, Access Hollywood.)

Loyalty, Anne. It's something I value very highly here at Donald Trump World Headquarters of Awesome. It's something you are clearly lacking. You're fired.

Sincerely,
DONALD TRUMP

P.S. Tell your boyfriend that it's his turn to bring refreshments to the next Trump Tower tenants association meeting, and that per addendum four of his lease, prison is no excuse for not supplying the donuts. Trust me, we get that one all the time around here.

Source
via Celebitchy

Comments

[Tracy]

Whoa. Did I miss the moment when anybody started caring what Donald Trump said? I mean, you know, outside of who wins The Apprentice?

Also? The man has had how many marriages/relationships spawning how many children with how many different women, and he thinks he can say ANYTHING? WTH?

[Diane]

Because Anne Hathaway clearly needs a man with money to take care of her, right Donald?

I swear, Trump will do anything, say anything, if he thinks it will somehow keep him relevant. It's about time his picture was used in the "Look at me! I'm an attention whore!" meme.

[Liana]

Amalah, you are a perfect channeler of Donald Trump!
I especially love "Donald Trump World Headquarters of Awesome" and the P.S.
Beautifully done :)

[jodifur]

Is this really advice to his wife melanasaomething when he gets arrested for something? Because you just know he has some shady dealings.