Balthazar Getty, John Edwards are the Real Homewreckers

I can't stay quiet about this any longer, about the term "homewrecker" being applied to the wrong people. Backstory. First, Balthazar Getty, a greasy-looking used car salesman of a man, frolics around on a boat (and is pictured out and about) with the always topless Sienna Miller, a woman who's acting ability is equal to that of her failure to keep her knees kissing; and then just the other day, John Edwards, former Democratic presidential candidate, admits his affair in an ABC interview.

John Edwards wins Biggest Asshole of the Year for his misdeed. He would've nabbed Biggest Asshole of the Decade but he at least had the courtesy to wait on banging New Age-y Rielle Hunter until his wife Elizabeth was in remission from BREAST CANCER - oh, but then she later received a terminal diagnosis. So yeah. He's such a nice guy.

(Cancer has ravaged my family and I have seen many strong women in my familial ranks taken down by the disease. I cannot imagine how his wife's self-image was affected after her diagnosis, their sexual relationship, et al. but after witnessing family and friends battle the disease its safe to say that she was vulnerable in those areas.)

Of course, they both released statements slapping the public's hands on the matter, how dare we, the American People, criticize what was a private matter except that DUDE RAN FOR BOTH PRESIDENT and VICE-PRESIDENT and the pair used their marriage as a selling point. It was a crucial selling point as the public wasn't warming to Teresa Heinz Kerry and John Edward's sweet little wife Elizabeth and their perfect marriage was the stuff of which Camelot dreams are made. Character is indicative of how a person will act upon assuming office, what direction he will take. I don't think John Edwards has much.

He lamely deflected blame from himself in the interview, pulling the ever-so logical "Well other people have done it, too" card, naming John McCain and hinting at Bill Clinton. Touche. Clinton got his ass kicked for it, as did McCain, even though McCain's assholery was thirty years ago, he never lied about it, he made amends with his ex, even adopted her children from her previous marriage, his wife wasn't dying, he wasn't running for a public office, and he wasn't denying a child that others are alleging is his. Contrasts a bit with the whole Edwards paternity issue. Don't doubt for a second that others would be singing a different tune had McCain committed the same mistakes. I'd have a lot more respect for Edwards had he manned up and admitted his fault instead of barricading himself in the Beverley Hilton Hotel bathroom at 2:40 in the morning so as to hide from reporters.

And then there's Getty. He steps out on the mother of his children for a third-rate actress whose only claim to fame is bagging Sadie Frost's sloppy seconds (Jude Law). Getty's claim to fame is being an heir to a fortune he hasn't yet seen and his marriage to a woman more powerful than himself. He wants privacy after cavorting around publicly with his topless mistress.

And I wonder about these men's - all of them - empathy towards their spouses. Their compassion for their children. The value they give to their vows. And I wonder why, in the press, Sienna Miller and Rielle Hunter take the brunt of the blame. Why society is so eager to spurn these women. Sure, their actions speak for themselves but all the men had to do was to say NO.

So why isn't "homewrecker" being applied to these men? They can't wreck their own homes? Are they are not responsible for them?

Comments

[Snarky Amber]

I, too, am sick and tired of people calling the other woman the "homewrecker," as though the married man who willingly slept with her is not responsible for betraying his family. I think it takes someone reasonably lacking in scruples to sleep with someone who's married to someone other than you, but I can name another party in that situation with a much larger deficit in the scruples department.

[Barbara]

Nice Dana. Hells yeah. My husband's theory is "The immature fuckwad just turned to another woman since his was all used up by chemo." Granted this was after a discussion on how fame and constant approval totally psychologically messes people up. (This is also why he believes Favre couldn't retire.) I guess it makes sense when we see these famous me do these things and leave the rest of us with our mouths gaping open in wonder how ANYONE could think that it was okay. They really believe they are above reproach period.

[Karen]

John Edwards=asshat. I never liked him, and now I know why.

I find it verrrrry interesting that while he said he was willing to take a paternity test to establish he's "not the father", the mother of that baby has refused a paternity test. I smell payoff.

I have no idea who Getty is, but yeah, he sounds like an asshat as well.

[Mamalooper]

And for me even worse than his "I waited until she was in remission" comment is the fact that it is quite likely that whatever drugs she needed to help conceive two kids in her late 40's contributed to her cancer. Mr. Class Act Edwards..

[Corrie]

My marriage ended because my ex couldn't stay faithful. He's been with his current girlfriend for 9 months longer then we've been separated. I don't consider her a homewrecker. The decision to cheat was his.

The term homewrecker should be applied to the one who is in the marriage and can't stay faithful to the vows... not the outside person. Sure the 3rd party's character needs to be questioned for becoming involved with someone who is married but the word homewrecker doesn't apply to them.

[Suzy Q]

He was all, "Yeah, I did it and Elizabeth was pissed but we got over it. The kid's not mine, so move along now."

Asswipe.

I also don't understand these wives who stick up for their cheating-ass, politically-motivated husbands when these things go public. It makes his shame hers, too.

[Amy H]

I was sad to hear this news. I voted for Kerry/Edwards in '04 but I didn't support his run this year. I could never quite put my finger on why...and now I guess I know. I just can't believe that he put the whole party in jeopardy by running for office knowing he had an affair. If he was the democratic nominee for president right now it would mean certain victory for McCain. All those people that worked for him, supported him, and gave money to him must be sick to their stomachs.

He is the homewrecker. Even though that woman he cheated with obviously KNEW he was married and participated anyway, it was ultimately Edwards who broke the vows.

his poor children.

[sils]

I think that the term homewrecker applies to pretty much all parties involved in the affair, and in some special cases even the wife at home. (I say this as someone who has had two long term relationships, with weddings planned and invitations sent, end due to a cheating male counterpart.)

However: I don't think that an affair is public information. I don't think that it has any impact on someone's ability to do a job well, or to lead (I think Clinton was a great president.) And I don't think that I can comment on the state of ANYONE'S marriage or relationship other than my own -- there are things that go on behind closed doors that no one will ever know about.

That said, I think that it does speak to the strength of a relationship that this is something that people are able to work through. Mrs. Edwards is a finer woman than I will ever be. And, the fact is, that if she feels that they have worked on their relationship enough and that he is working on himself hard enough to forge on -- who am I to judge from way the hell out here?

P.S. I get the feeling that the woman involved in the Edwards story is, in fact, a Homewrecker with a capital H as it would appear that the actual father of her child is married to someone else as well. That's not a mistake a woman makes twice unless it's intentional.

[Rose]

John Edwards is not responsible for his actions. He has narcissistic personality disorder(kind of like the "insanity defense" for depressed women who kill their children). So, let him off the hook! The snake (trial attorney) bit you, but you knew what he was when you picked him up!

[baltimoregal]

I am just tired of people thinking they can cheat on their spouse and get away with it. YOU CANNOT GET AWAY WITH IT. EVER! LEARN THAT!

[Kelly]

Amen.

[Karen]

Sils, it's not so much the affair itself that speaks to his ability to lead...it's that he out and out LIED about it while he was stumping for the presidential nomination. He was asked about the story in the Enquirer, and he dismissed it as "tabloid trash". Then when it became clear that the rumors were not going to go away, and the story wasn't going to go away, and he was caught visiting the Other Woman (and her child) at a hotel at 3 AM, he went public. Typical Asshattery---deny until it is clear you're being caught redhanded, and then come clean and get all remorseful and penitent with your faithful woman by your side.

Just like Clinton.

[sils]

I think it's easy to sit on the sidelines and claim moral supiority to someone who lies in that situation, but here's the thing: We don't know how much anyone outside Edwards, his wife, and the woman he cheated with knew. Did they tell their kids? Probably not, most parents don't in that situation. Did they tell their parents? Friends? Was it in the Christmas newsletter sent with the new family photo? I doubt it.

Odds are there was a lot of panic involved in the lying -- to protect, yes, himself but a whole slew of other people who might not have known about the issue before hand.

When I panic I tend to actually freak out and tell the truth over lying (See Also: Patti borrows her mother's car while in high school without permission while her mother is on a trip. When asked how she was upon her mother's return saying, "I borrowed your car without permission. Am I grounded now?") I can see how other people would go the opposite direction.

I don't want to sound like I'm defending him TOO much here, because for all I know he could be a man-whore who's slept around with 50 different women during his marriage -- but I don't know that. I just hate to sit here and pretend I do when I don't. I mean, I would feel better if I could spend 3 hours hashing out out with him and Mrs. Edwards, but I didn't get that kind of closure with my exes, I doubt I'll get it with them.

[MWAS]

Have always said that past actions predict future behavior, so Edwards falls in line very nicely with my theory. He's a malpractice lawyer here in NC and has made a fortune (he's the top malpractice lawyer in the state) screwing doctors in our semi-malpractice crisis state. His recent crappy behavior leads me to believe he'd screw anybody in any situation as long as it benefits him. I think character and leadership go hand in hand and he's not the kind of leader I'm looking for.

[Karen]

Sils, I see your point. It is very easy to point fingers. I asked my husband if this changed his opinion about John Edwards any, and he said, "I hate him more for continuing on his campaign for the nomination when his wife was battling incurable cancer. Family comes first, but not for this guy." He said he couldn't imagine continuing on a national campaign if his wife was going through that. I said "Even if I insisted you keep going?" He said, "Screw that. I'd be home cooking and watching the kids while you went through chemo."

I think this affair is just another part of the whole unsavory package that was John Edwards. As Mwas pointed out, his behavior as a lawyer was pretty slimy, too.

[Amy]

Here's what Edwards said about Clinton's infidelity in 1999:
“I think this president has shown a remarkable disrespect for his office, for the moral dimensions of leadership, for his friends, for his wife, for his precious daughter. It is breathtaking to me the level to which that disrespect has risen.”

Yep. Hypocrite.