Katie Holmes, Stop Trying to Make Tightrolling Happen Again

I have been trying to avoid this, Katie.

Unfortunately, I keep seeing photo after photo of you in these heinous jeans (which are NOT Tom's, by the way. The two of you have the same size waist, nay, these are a MAN'S JEANS) with the ankles ... dare I say? TIGHT-ROLLED.

Katie, I don't know about you, but where I come from, tight-rolling jeans was, and is still, an art. A totally out-dated and hideous art, but an ART nonetheless.

Can we discuss your cuffs for a moment? Do you not realize that tight-rolling is a form of tapered ankle and that your lumpy rolls do nothing to suspend the disbelief between what we are actually seeing and the fantasy of a tapered ankle? I could roll those rolls WITH MY FEET. Did Suri do those for you? No. She's beautiful and always stylish and she would have rolled perfect two-inch rolls her first try.

I was known to STAPLE my tight rolls. Like, I broke out the ruler and stuff. My rolls were not rolls but rather perfectly aligned cuffs. Sometimes, to make it fancy, I wore leggins underneath with lace on the ankle so that the lace would stick out from underneath the tightroll. I know. FANCY.

But that's just the kind of girl I am, Katie. GLAMOUR. My tight rolls, as were the rolls of other skilled rollers of my acquaintance, were cuffs. There were no lumps where the jean was tucked into the fold. How much money do you have? You couldn't pay some out-of-work older Gen Y-er or X-er to do this for you? Or bribe Suri with Teddy Grahams and that Scientology barley water?

Also, I am not a fan of the baggy male jean on either men or women, but especially women. I personally like tailored, fitted looks. I want to see ass. Besides, tapered ankles on loose-fit jeans make you look as though you're wearing clown pants.

So Katie, stop trying to make tight-rolling "happen" again. It's not. Thank gawd. And even if it were, it would take better tightrolls than those to resuscitate the trend. And please wear a different pair of pants once in awhile while you're out and about in NYC.

Thanks.

Comments

[missbanshee]

I used to peg my jeans so tightly that I lost circulation in my feet. Katie, UR DOIN IT RONG.

[Barbara]

Damn straight. CUFFS, DO YOU HEAR US KATIE?? Unless this woman is participating in a "Do it Yourself" home project we must stop her insanity. We must rebel against this horrific attempt at wearing big pants with NOT VERY TIGHT tight rolls. We must put her back into her pencil skirts because you can't tight roll a pencil skirt.

But her Mr. Roger's sweater makes me happy b/c this is my rainy day comfort item.

[Snarky Amber]

Oh god, THANK YOU, Dana. This needed to be addressed, but I didn't know how to do it. This tight-rolling insanity must end.

[missbanshee]

Oh, and I didn't staple my pegs, but you better believe I safety pinned them.

[baltimoregal]

I was able to roll them so tightly and perfectly that they needed no staples, no pins. I was an expert. Of course, I have short legs so I had a lot to work with. And this was high school/early college. ALMOST 20 YEARS AGO.

[Cobblestone]

This cannot come back. It is not ok. My long legs and jean length dysfuntion plus a cuff just brings back all of my private insecurities. OMG I just flashed to a pair of high school jeans with a patterned fabric at the high waist before it got to the pleats - the horror.

No to cuffs. no no no

[Mrs. Flinger]

I honest-to-god have a post in draft (which may or may not ever make it out) that is a picture of my rolled jeans. I saw this and crapped myself.

Rolled pants? NO. Absofuckinglutelyno.

[*fish]

She ought to just put on a pair of ratty sweatpant and a stained t-shirt. She's rolling in money and any designer would love to dress her for free and these rolled jeans are what she has chosen to wear/be photographed in?! Proof of brainwashing, no one in her "right" mind would be trying to bring this awful fad back!

[Lindsay]

I love how the papers are saying that those are Tom's jeans. Um, she's 5'9, he's 5'7. By that logic, the jeans should be too short for her. How would they be long enough for her to tight roll anyway?!?!

I honestly think she's feeling lazy and just picked up those jeans at the salvation army, or something of the like. Hideous.

[Robyn G]

I don't know who is to blame for all this insidious tight-rolling, but stupid ass JCrew is in on it too:

http://www.jcrew.com/browse/multi_product_detail.jsp?externalProductCodes=92222%3A96844%3A99338%3A98029%3A96727&FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2534374302024441&bmUID=1218222918976

And now, I can never shop at JCrew ever again.

Ok, so I don't shop there now, because their clothes keep being made for tinier and tinier people. But I don't even like their STYLE anymore.

[Liana]

"I personally like tailored, fitted looks. I want to see ass."
Exactly, Dana! Or at least, you know, the actual width of her legs...

[mommypie]

I'm sorry, but I'm betting most anyone who actually LIVED through 80s fashion as a teenager would close THAT door and run far, far away.

Oh, and forget the staples and safety pins. I ripped out the side seams and actually had my friend's mom sew them back TAPERED them so the roll was perfect. Sick.

[KimPossible]

And the cuffs had to be tight rolled BEFORE you laid on the bed with a wire hanger to pull up your zipper. Yes, that's how good I was... my Jordache's were oh so tight, but still was able to cuff them! Hold your applause.

The scary thing to me is her shoes also. I know she can't wear heels cuz of Tom-o, but those shoes go right along with the cuffed jeans, can she really not know??

[mp]

I can do that again, I am so fricking short..man that will be awesome.. Next thing I need my sweaters back from The Limited.

[Jen]

Lord help me....I kinda like it! The tight-rolling with the ballerina flats? *blink* *blink* Just me?

[veronica]

I've been known to wear the baggy jeans...but you do it with the proper accessories....Vans and a t-shirt or hoodie for the "skater boy" look (it's a total comfort outfit). But the pegged jeans...GOOD GOD NOOOOOOOO! There are a few things that I will NEVER wear again - pegged jeans, parachute pants with 20 zillion zippers, or a she-mullet....that was then, this is NOW!

You'd think she'd have someone on staff who's job it is to make sure she doesn't look like a bafoon before walking out the door. If I had that much money, damn straight I'd have that person!

[Dana]

WOW Kimpossible. You win the 80s, girl.

[AJMick]

But where are her eastlands with the curly-que (pig tail?) lace ties and funky colorful socks?

Lord help us all!

[T]

Mommypie - do I have a long lost adopted sister? I did the same thing and had my mom sew them tapered so that there was NO SAGGY ROLL. I saw a picture of her on another site and one of her ankles was coming undone. God help me, I was transported back to 1985 and could feel that loose roll on my own ankle. Ewwww!

[blissfully caffeinated]

Thank you Jesus, someone is saying it! This isn't flattering, even on her, and she weighs like 18 pounds.

This cannot happen again, I can't take it.

[Cheryl]

The jeans? Beyond stupid. That is all.

[Isabel]

No, no, no, no. Peg and rolled jeans (as we called them in Utah-the heart of the fashion world) can NOT come back.

No, no, no, no.

[baltimoregal]

AJMick!!!
I had those Eastlands too!

[PazMateo]

I almost peed my pants reading this article.

But my jeans, as a gay man, would be* tightrolled so perfectly that my feet would go numb.

* If I wanted to look like an idiot

[becka520]

I love these! Is it just me...? I love the t-shirt with baggy Jeans. It makes for comfy weekend wear.