Waiter Rant: Fist in the Air for My Serving Brethren

I was a waitress. For a year when I was 19, I waited tables at a high-end restaurant and quit right before starting college. The summer after my freshman year, I waitressed at another high-end restaurant and quit abruptly one night after horrible behavior on the part of some customers and even more horrible behavior on the part of my management. I threw my apron and bow tie on the ground and vowed that I would never wait tables again.

The world seems to be split into two populations. Those who have waited on people and those who haven't and those who haven't...just don't get it. What's the big deal? How hard could it be?

It's so hard. So, SO tough. It's physically exhausting, it's emotionally draining, and financially it's a joke. Sure, you can make some quick cash, but it's very tough, bordering on impossible, to eke out a living as a server. Aside from running around a hot kitchen all night, you have to balance trays piled with expensive food and drinks, and there are many, many burns.

And then...there are customers. Most of the time, waiting tables passes without incidents or with minor irritations at most. And then there are people who are just downright sociopaths and IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT THAT THEIR NICOISE IS LOOKING AT THEM FUNNY. And, you know, you can laugh about it years later, but at the time it fucks with your livelihood and, for most people, just makes you want to sink into a little puddle on the floor and die.

Unfortunately, my time as a waitress ended before I knew about blogs. (Of course, if the economy keeps up with this nosedive business, you may find me donning my orthopedic Reeboks again.) But plenty of disgruntled folks are finding a valuable outlet on the internet. One such fellow, known simply as The Waiter until his identity was revealed the other day, has compiled some of his tales and musings on the service industry into a book: Waiter Rant.

Not surprisingly, Waiter Rant is already on the NY Times bestseller list. Certainly many people can relate to his rants, but perhaps others are curious to see if some of their antics made it into the book. The Waiter offers tips on how to be a good customer, which some folks might take offense to. But seriously, there's being a discerning diner and there's being an entitled dickhead. Know the difference!

Now, let's have some ranting of our own. Tell me your worst waitressing or waitering story!

Comments

[Georgia]

I was waiting tables in a very intimate, upscale restaurant in San Francisco. The dining room itself was only a few tables crammed together, so it's not like this guy couldn't have said "excuse me" when he needed my attention instead of fucking SNAPPING his fingers at me! I gave him the look of death and walked right by. He meekly said "excuse me" the next time I passed. It helped that the owners were good friends of mine.

On the other hand, I once spilled a bowl of very orange, very hot soup on the lap of a man in a very nice light colored suit during the lunch rush.

[Karen]

My mom was a car hop (not on rollerskates, as she constantly had to remind my dad) at a mom-and-pop restaurant back in my hometown. She said that she vowed two things after working as a waitress: To never, ever be rude to a waitperson (and she hasn't been, to my knowledge) and to never allow her kids to wait tables for a job. While my brother and i did sling some pizza slices and fried rice at our college's student union once in a while, we never waited tables.

[kathy]

LOVED THAT BOOK!!!! Been reading that blog for a couple of years..

There are too many good stories to narrow down. I always hated being blamed for cold food. One shift I did get snarky (I had already graduated and JUST started my new job, needed the waitress gig for transition money). The customer was complaining that the soup was cold, and they had attitude like it was my fault. I had JUST gotten it from the window when the cook put it there, so it wasn't sitting around waiting to be delivered. I responded with I am sorry, I didn't know you wanted me to stick my finger in the bowl to test it for you before I served it....

Another good one, I can't take credit for it though:
A customer wistled to my coworker to get her attention. She went to the table and calmly said "Two things whistle, tea pots and ass holes. I don't see a spout on you. What do you need?"

[Dana Whitaker]

I never waited tables, but I have huge respect for anyone who has. I've had enough friends and family members who have served as waitstaff, and have seen enough horrible behavior on the part of patrons, to know that I would never survive.

[Cheryl]

I worked at a fast food restaurant, a local pizza joint, and a diner during college. I don't know why I thought I could make a living at those places.

Anyway, one night at the diner, a rather large man and his date came in about ten minutes before closing time. The owners had a strict policy of serving anyone there before the door was locked, so fine. He orders a half-pound burger with everything on it, a chicken tender snack, fries, onion rings, and a beer. All for him. Fine. About halfway through his burger, he calls me over to tell me his burger is raw in the middle. "Would you like me to make you another?" No, he says, it would take us too long to do that, it's getting late. Well, when I ring him up, he asks me what I'm doing. "Getting your check together." He is amazed that I'm going to charge him for his dinner. I tell him that since the manager is not here right now (she wasn't, just me and the cook), I'm not allowed to give out free food. I was, however, going to minus the price of the burger ($5). Well, he gets irate and starts hollering about this injustice and how he's never going to bring anybody he knows here and how he knows the manager and how he can't believe I'm charging him $11 for the rest of his meal. On the verge of tears and not knowing how to respond, I mumble something about how I'll take care of it as he storms off. As it was, I only made $3 that night in tips. Worst night ever. Luckily the manager understood and didn't take the ticket out of my paycheck.

Oh, and I checked his hamburger, it was well done, like all good diner burgers cooked by a 17 year old are. The 1/4 cup of ketchup he had put on it made the meat look red.

[Lise]

God, I have not waited tables for over 2 years now, but still when i get stressed out i have dreams about being in the weeds during the dinner rush and feeling sooo overwhelmed and underprepared.

I worked at a poular forrest-gump themed resturaunt and the most horrible part was the greasy food we contatly had to serve. It made me actually lose weight.

[Sadie]

I waited tables at a variety of places through high school and college (chains to white linen restaurants) and I totally agree that there are two kinds of people in this world; those who've been servers and those who just...don't get it. Even a decade later, I seriously cannot be friends with people who treat service people rudely.

I could not even begin to recount the legion of ridiculous customer stories I have amassed, but I do remember waiting on a table of horrible leering men once - men who were so irritating and lecherous that other tables noticed. And when the table of pigs left, a couple sitting nearby left me a $50 tip on a check of the same amount in pity. Kind of restored my faith in humanity.

[Dana]

I waited tables for a couple years, a stint at Houlihan's. Some douche paid his bill by wadding up the cash, my tip, and the bill in a napkin and throwing it at me while leaving (he didn't tell me that the cash was in the wadded-up napkin. I guess *he* thought it was a hot move. I thought he was ditching - as anyone would - and chased him out to the parking lot where he was all indignant. I made him and his party follow me back into the restaurant to prove that the cash was in the napkin ball. He demanded some of his tip back going "Well, that's going to cost you," and handed me $1 back. I threw it in his face and told him to kiss my ass while standing in front of my manager.

[sweetney]

i have long contended that every student, upon graduating from high school, should HAVE TO go into a service industry position for a year. no going straight to college and living off mommy & daddy's money. being a waiter or busboy or whatever for a year -- having that first-hand experience and knowing the shit that those people endure -- would set assholes straight right quick. you can tell a lot about someone's character based on how they treat people in the service industry, IMHO.

[missbanshee]

Been reading Waiter for years. So excited to get the book.

My waiting story? 16 years old, working at Friendly's during the summer. Horrible in every way, made infernal by the nametag that read "My name is Miss Banshee and I'm fast and friendly." Exactly what every shy 16 year old girl needs. Hate.

[Amalah]

Oh God. Let's see...there was the customer who stole a $5 bill that had slipped out of my apron in front of the whole restaurant and walked out with it...the guy who hit on me and pinched my ass IN FRONT OF HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN (and who of course ended up being the ones paying the check and leaving my tip)...the abusive kitchen staff with their mysterious, never-ending complaints about my handwriting (I didn't abbreviate enough, but whenever I did, they cooked my orders wrong)...getting paid random, ever-changing amounts of below-minimum wage under the table by a creepy manager...and then finally having to quit when the place got shut down by the INS for employing illegals. (Arab illegals. In Pennsylvania. At a Jewish deli.)

My anxiety dreams to this day are always about waiting tables. I have nothing but patience, love and 20% tips for the people who serve my food now.

[AJMick]

Sweetney - I couldn't agree with you more. I waited tables for a couple years in college and I think it is an incredible character building exercise that everyone could learn from and potentially become better people.

I'm betting the bitch at my office who tells me "we're up here and they're down there", with hand gestures while describing us vs. our colleagues, probably never waited a table or worked a similar type job in her life.

[Michelle]

All current & former waiters/servers should know there is a support group waiting for you (us) in the forums at http://bitterwaitress.com/

AWESOME decompression/oversharing available there...a running thread called "Dear... " where you can write open letters to whomever has ticked you off that day. Here's mine (from last year):

Dear Mother-Of-A-Two-Year-Old:

I know your days are filled with stress and worry and that you are tired and need to relax with a drink after chasing your precious snowflake all afternoon. I know because I have the same life you do - but at 430pm, I then come to work here to serve you that drink. Yes, where you and your 2 year old come to have drinks and dinner, I am actually trying to earn a living. I love that your child is free-spirited and independent. I wish mine wouldn't cling to my legs and cry quite so much when I leave her at home when I come to work. What I don't understand is how you can relax with that margarita and allow your baby to run around my tables for an hour. Now I had to worry about her, in addition to trying to do my job - worry about her falling down, about her running into the kitchen to whatever perils await there, and getting items dropped on her after she trips another server and ... what? - you didn't hear that loud crash when six drinks hit the floor after my best cocktail server couldn't see your munchkin dart out from under that table? I have to worry - since you apparently don't. And when I returned your baby with a crayon and paper to color at your table? You gave me the death stare and said, 'Don't touch my child.' Thanks - you had already made my shift a real winner - even before you left $5 on a $80 tab. I guess that fifth round just ate up all your disposable income for the month and I'll get my share next time, right? I'm glad I budget better - and that my kid behaves better, too.

Kiss off & don't come back,
MM

[Becki]

Well, waitressed 3 years at Disneyland and 1 in the real world when in college.

Hard work but I am cheery and outgoing and generally I loved it. There is a bit of freedom not being tied to a desk.

Cant remember the worst - (we got even with them anyhow by nuking their hot pies before bringing them out.)

But will always remember the poor, funny German tourist who I spilled hot coffee on while training - he was a VERY GOOD SPORT ABOUT IT BUT. . .

. ..for the entire next 2 hours whenever I would walk by with a coffee pot, he would jump up and throw his hands in the air, spout German and pretend to shrink in horror much to the amusement of all around him . .

but he even left me a tip . ....!

And also will never forget the Japanese tourists who brought me a check I had misadded in their favor. When I thanked them profusely for their honesty they stated they had "just seen Mr. Rincoln and he would not approve of dishonesty!"

(And sorry,
the story is just NOT the same if I say Mr.Lincoln - their endearing pronunciation makes the story sweeter.)

[Linda]

"I have long contended that every student, upon graduating from high school, should HAVE TO go into a service industry position for a year."

Oddly enough, I actually did this! Not by choice mind you, since I had to wait to get into the college I wanted until the next fall.

People, seriously. Restaurant work SUCKS. I worked as both a hostess and a prep guy (the person who portions the food before the shift) and it was horrible, absolutely horrible. People are mean, rude, threaten to get you fired. Anything else you can imagine people would do they DID. Management in restaurants are just as bad. It seems to me that if you are capable at your job the likelihood of the management secretly plotting your demise goes up threefold. I was reprimanded more times than I could count for the dumbest things—my shirts weren't starched (no other hostess did this, but apparently I did), I was honest about wait times or reasons food was slow, and because someone decided to put me on two schedules, which meant I had to literally perform two jobs at the same time.

I hated this work SO much. But you will never, ever talk down to people who mop the floor or serve you coffee for your entire life.

[Linda]

RE: The comments where people don't "get it"

I had a friend all through college who was a server, yet on various occasions she's been mean or snarky to waitpeople and other people in CS jobs. Does anyone else know someone like this? And if so, WHY would they do it, they know how hard and unforgiving the work is!

[JellyBean]

I've never waited tables, but I did hostess one summer during college at TGI Friday's. We were located in a large shopping mall parking lot. On July 4th, the mall sponsored a fireworks display. So, we were amazingly busy with families eating pre-fireworks and then the restaurant cleared out all at once to watch the display. The restaurant was the messiest/dirtiest it had ever been. It took us over an hour to clean to make it look presentable again and then EVERYONE converged on us after the fireworks. The waiting list was so long there was no way for people to eat before we closed in a few hours. People were becoming extremely rude b/c the wait was so long (what did they expect, they were the only ones at the mall to head to Fridays?). I began to be rude right back at them not caring if I got fired. Then some asshole offered me $20 to get a table right away. I looked at him increduously. Then he upped it to $50. I told him no way b/c everyone could see what he was doing and they would have rioted if I accepted his bribe. Also, I was fed up at that point and $50 meant nothing to me. But I look back and think how stupid to pay $50 for a table at TGI Fridays!!!!

[Mouse]

I've never waited tables, but have had enough friends and family do it to really respect what they go through. My standard tip is 20%. The worst I've ever tipped is 15%. My wife and I became regulars at a great breakfast place in my hometown, and there was one waiter who made sure we were in his section if he was working. He gave us great service, we tipped well, and everyone was happy.

I hate it when I'm in a restaurant and some ass decides he needs to complain loudly. Just makes the experience unpleasant for everyone. I remember one at a fancy restaurant (multiple courses, multiple waitstaff attending to everything, everybody really knew their shit) who wouldn't stop moaning about how slow the service was and why did a meal need to take so long.

My favorite story, because I benefited, comes from when we were in Paris at a wonderful, traditional French bistro. It was Christmas Eve, so nearly everybody in the dining room was foreign. Another American family was doing everything possible to insult the Parisian waiters. "Why don't they have hamburgers?" "Can we get a half order in case we don't like it?" As they and a couple other tables increasingly insulted the waiters' sensibilities, we found them even more attentive to our table. The food was amazing and they gave us great recommendations.

[Lori]

I didn't ever wait tables (and the entire eating out population should be thankful for that) but WOW do I have respect for those who do. Customer service is hard enough without having to carry plates & cups full of food and drink! I can't imagine how hard that job is. I get so embarrassed and outraged if I'm ever with someone who doesn't tip or is stingy with their tip, or, heaven forbid, is rude/demanding of the wait-staff.

[Suzy Q]

I've never waited tables (hostessed one night for a friend) but my sister did for years. She trained me up right. I always tip well, even though I don't necessarily agree with the American system of tipping, and treat service people with courtesy and good humor.

I just finished going through all the archives of Waiter Rant. And a good week it was!

[qwyneth]

I've never waited tables (I have worked retail, but it's not nearly as bad), but I have plenty of friends who have. My husband and I tip at least 20%, usually more. I've even been known to slip extra tip into the bill if I think the person paying is skimping the waiter. I'm also uber polite and try to straighten up the table before we leave, as my kid and husband can be messy eaters. I have so much sympathy for waitstaff. People pissed me off enough when I worked retail--I can't imagine trying to feed them.

[ali]

The people I'll never understand are the ones who "don't believe" in tipping. I was a waitress for two years in college (and a hostess for a while afterward), and it never ceases to amaze me how many people either just weren't taught, or are just generally assholes. There is nothing worse - nothing - when you're living off your tips, give someone great service, get thanks for the great service, then pick up the check to see you were absolutely stiffed. I just. don't. get it. How could you do that to someone - especially knowing their hourly is below minimum wage AND taxed? (The people who rave about your to your manager and then tip 10% are a close second here.)

[Bonnie]

I have been in the food service industry for 22 years. I have horror stories a plenty. But the nicest people can also do the most annoying things. What drives me batshit is seperate cheques when everyone at the table orders the same price entree. One restaurant I worked in I had 4 regular lunch customers (woman are famous for seperate cheques)who would always order caesar salads and diet cokes. They did not require reciepts for expence reporting so why could they not divide by 4? Most restaurants these days use computer ordering. ( I ordered from station-order is diplayed in kitchen ) Seperate cheques required me to manually write order and go to kitchen then ring in seperate-ditto for drink items ) Seperate cheques can be very time consuming when your whole section requires them. Also if I ask your table if they would like a beverage please do not say no thank-you until I bring Joan from payroll her wine (then change your mind). Then, when I bring your wine Joe from accounting decides one drink won't hurt. We serve in patterns-greating-drink order-return with drink order-entree order- deliver-quality check on food-coffee/dessert-cheque. All the while smiling. Please do not upset the delicate balance we try to maintain while busy. One demanding table can screw your whole shift. I'm not bitter or anything ;)

[rachel]

i waited tables for three years - one at macaroni grill and the other at a small independently owned mexican food restaurant, where i also bartended for almost a year. oh man, the stories i could tell.

one time, i had a lady who was a complete bitch throughout her meal (just very short and rude to me, but nothing too major) and when i thought she was done and took her plate away, SHE THREW A FIT. it had about two bites of rice and beans left on it, and i offered to get her a whole other side, way more food than she had left, and she just glared at me. the manager handled them after that because i couldn't and the man she was with left me more than i thought i would get, and another couple two booths down left me $7 (and they weren't even my table).

and another time when i was bartending right after college graduation (our restaurant is the closest to the college) i managed to knock a blender over in such a way that strawberry daiquiri splashed up into my face and across the bar to a nicely-dressed customer who was waiting for his drink. apparently i did it on purpose and then didn't apologize to him. because, you know, of course when i was hovering in weed territory i would purposely make a big mess and get daiquiri ON MY FACE in the process. luckily, my bar customers left me large tips because they could tell i was upset.

...and those are the only two times that customers have made me cry. thank goodness for the walk-in and sympathy tippers.

[rachel]

sorry, i know my last comment was kinda long, but i forgot something.

one of my boyfriend's friends doesn't believe in tipping. because he has better things to spend his money on, and when informed that servers make $2.13 an hour, they should go get another job.

fucking asshole.