Waiter Rant: Fist in the Air for My Serving Brethren

I was a waitress. For a year when I was 19, I waited tables at a high-end restaurant and quit right before starting college. The summer after my freshman year, I waitressed at another high-end restaurant and quit abruptly one night after horrible behavior on the part of some customers and even more horrible behavior on the part of my management. I threw my apron and bow tie on the ground and vowed that I would never wait tables again.

The world seems to be split into two populations. Those who have waited on people and those who haven't and those who haven't...just don't get it. What's the big deal? How hard could it be?

It's so hard. So, SO tough. It's physically exhausting, it's emotionally draining, and financially it's a joke. Sure, you can make some quick cash, but it's very tough, bordering on impossible, to eke out a living as a server. Aside from running around a hot kitchen all night, you have to balance trays piled with expensive food and drinks, and there are many, many burns.

And then...there are customers. Most of the time, waiting tables passes without incidents or with minor irritations at most. And then there are people who are just downright sociopaths and IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT THAT THEIR NICOISE IS LOOKING AT THEM FUNNY. And, you know, you can laugh about it years later, but at the time it fucks with your livelihood and, for most people, just makes you want to sink into a little puddle on the floor and die.

Unfortunately, my time as a waitress ended before I knew about blogs. (Of course, if the economy keeps up with this nosedive business, you may find me donning my orthopedic Reeboks again.) But plenty of disgruntled folks are finding a valuable outlet on the internet. One such fellow, known simply as The Waiter until his identity was revealed the other day, has compiled some of his tales and musings on the service industry into a book: Waiter Rant.

Not surprisingly, Waiter Rant is already on the NY Times bestseller list. Certainly many people can relate to his rants, but perhaps others are curious to see if some of their antics made it into the book. The Waiter offers tips on how to be a good customer, which some folks might take offense to. But seriously, there's being a discerning diner and there's being an entitled dickhead. Know the difference!

Now, let's have some ranting of our own. Tell me your worst waitressing or waitering story!