Friday Eye Candy: Sours Edition

So, I had big plans this week to write an epic post on the topic of girl-on-girl hating, having read a piece in the Times (UK) about whether women have a greater tendency than men to hate on persons of the same gender for spurious reasons (evidence cited: all women hate Sienna Miller! And Keira Knightley! JUST BECAUSE!) To which I was all prepared to go, whuh? For the most part, whenever I see girl-on-girl snarkage, there's good reason for the snark (evidence: Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Girl just BEGS to be snarked on. Not because she's blond or skinny or A GIRL, but because she says stupid stuff.) (Oh, also? SARAH PALIN.)

(She's a fine woman, I'm sure, but DAMN she says some weird shit. Misquoting Starbucks cups? SERIOUSLY?)

Most smart women writers that I'm aware of are equal opportunity in being critical. Women in the public eye who say or do silly things, men in the public eye who say or do silly things (Spencer Pratt, anyone?) - they're all game. I can't, offhand, think of any women - Perez Hilton not being a girl - who just snark on famous women, just because. So whaddup?

Anyway, I was going to say something about that, but then the week got away from me and I had a mini-breakdown while left alone with my manic children, and so it just didn't get writ. But! I can pay tribute to the impulse to write that post by doing an FEC in honor of all of those public figures who push my snark buttons. Let's call it FEC: Sours.

My criteria: they bug me, because they say or do stupid stuff. And they bug me NOT in that oh, they're irritating, but in the deep dark corners of my psyche I think they're hot kinda way (that's a whole 'nother FEC). Nope, these are the real sours, the ones that make your lips pucker, and not in the fun way.

Here are two of my top sours. Nominate your own in the comments: I'm thinking that Sours: All Stars would make a fine Halloween FEC.

Spencer Pratt. Proof that there is a Satan, and that he is not cool.

Proof that Satan, also, is not a feminist (and, possibly, that his sense of humor? Demented.)

Now you - who are your Sours? (Note - the rule is firm: no 'just because' sours. A true sour is a sour for good reason. Cf. Spencer Pratt and Ann Coulter, above.)

Comments

[lolismum]

1) Bill O'Reilly
2) Dick Cheney
3) Donald Rumsfeld
Proof that there are multiple Satans, they team up and they have the power to destroy minds and countries and futures and they are not very smart.

[jojo]

Michael Moore
Rosie O'Donnell
Al Franken

ALL idiots!

[Karen]

Jojo is my hero for today.

Also: Bill O'Reilly definitely makes my list. The man is a moron who won't take a stand on anything, anymore.

Also also? Michael Savage. He has a disproportionate level of rage and anger. Man needs some serious meds.

[Sally Says]

I hope I'm getting the concept right...Sour Candy - I look forward to reading her once a month and I like to see pictures of her but I hate her because she's such a cow:

Plum Sykes, author and Vogue Magazine contributing editor.

In her article about Gywneth Paltrow she mentions at least three times that Gywnnie has to exchange a top for a larger size.

In her article about Kate Moss she calls the model short several times.

In this month's Vogue she declares all women need a husband, a baby and a long sleeved dress by the time they're 35.

I can't stand the woman... but I *have* to read her. It's ridiculous.

[Jenn]

Gwyneth Paltrow - the launch of her new "website" is enough. But add in her fake british accent, her latest interview with Oprah, and her superior attitude about every. thing. and you should have enough to qualify her.

[Abbey Road]

Aw man. It's like Friday Eye-Poking-Needles, not Friday Eye Candy. Gimme pretty people plz. :( But uh, I nominate... Charlie Sheen. Smarm and skeez and ick and perv and disproportional success and also one of the most god-awful tv shows, like, ever.

[BaltimoreGal]

I love Al Franken. Otherwise I agree to varying lengths with everyone else on the list. From TV? Billy Mays (screaming product guy) and The Furniture Store lady (bad red hair, nasal voice, unattractive). Also Steve Doocy and Sean Hannity.

[Sally Says]

mmmm, yeah, OK I read way too much into the FEC directive. Still love/hate plummy ol' Plum, though.

Abbey Road, you want pretty people?
http://www.vman.com/twilight.php
pretty.

[Barbara]

Hm. Staying away from all things politics, because this is the time that they all skeeve me out:
Charlie Sheen
Denise Richards

[Suzy Q]

Pretty much all political pundits. So sick of them.

Also, I second Jenn's nomination of Gwyneth Paltrow. There are just so many reasons to hate her.

And how about Oprah, the Queen of Everything? She's placed herself on such a high pedestal, I can see her panties.

[Kathy]

How about the entire cast of The Hills? I seriously do not get that show, or why it's supposed to be entertaining.

I can tolerate "jerk" far easier than I can "stupid." I disagee with pretty much anything that comes out of Elisabeth Hasselbeck's mouth, but she doesn't bother me as much as her cohost, Sherry or Sherrie something -- the one who asked Bill Maher if he talked to god, um, as he was mocking her.

[rednexmama]

Rachel Ray: seriously, adding chicken and tomatoes to pasta makes you a chef??? OVER AND OVER AGAIN?!?!? Well, hell, sign me up.

Perez Hilton: Karma's a bitch, eh?

David Caruso: I swear man, put your hands on your hips one more goddamn time!

Hildy from Trading Spaces: Hardly ever watch this show but I ALWAYS seem to when she's on, forcing me to turn the tv off and walk away.

Jennifer Aniston: ok, we get it. Brad Pitt broke up with you. It was bad. You were America's Sweetheart. Um, whatcha done lately?? Anything? Anything at all? You know, other than do your best to skank your way through the smarmier sections of Malibu?

Katherine Heigl: You don't like the scripts? Give them their money back and walk away. And then keep. your. mouth. shut. please and thankyou.

Please bring me some non-sour pretty people. These sours are sucking my lips so far back into my face that I think I can kiss my spinal column. And not in a cool way.

[bd]

Ack! Amazingly the only one out of everyone's comments that I REALLY felt strongly about was Hildy on Trading Spaces! She is the worst. (So I have come to worship at the alter that is Divine Design. Holy Crap people, have you SEEN Candice Olson's bathrooms! OMG. My kids have to check on me to find out why I am screaming during the big reveal). Rednexmama, I totally agree about David Caruso and Rachel Ray too!