The Pick-Up Artist: A Glossary of Terms

So, last night began the second season of The Pick-Up Artist. For those of you who don't know, I not-so-secretly adore this show.

This show is perhaps the most unintentionally funny show ever on television, and that includes both Flavor and Rock of Love. But between guffaws at the painfully awkward nerds whom pick-up artist "Mystery" is whipping into shape, or the prospect that his ridiculous "techniques" would actually work on anyone with half a brain cell, those of you who did not catch the first season may find yourself asking, "Sets? Negging? Avatar? What the fuck is this guy with the fuzzy hat TALKING ABOUT?" It's okay, I'm here to help.

The following is a glossary of some basic terms to guide you in your viewing of this season of The Pick-Up Artist.

avatar (n): Avatars are accessories. Mystery asserts that avatars are superfluous additions to an ensemble that add to one's sexual appeal and inspire interest or intrigue. The best approach in the application of avatars, rather than having one or two nice accessories, is to go wild. Get a facial piercing or two. Wear a hat with aviator goggles on it. Pair it with a velvet jacket with a feathered collar and at least two rings on each hand. If you look like Huggy Bear, you're ready to go to the club! (related vocabulary - peacocking)

DHV (n): Acronym for Demonstrations of Higher Value. These are techniques to demonstrate to your target that, rather than being a sleazy douchebag trolling for pussy, you are an alpha male with plenty of pussy vying for your attention. Thus, the pussy you're currently pursuing will hope she gets to be that special pussy tonight. Methods for demonstrating higher value include telling stories about how great you are, or employing your wingmen to talk about how awesome you are while you go get your target a refill on her GHB cocktail, in case the DHV doesn't work.

kino, kino-testing (n): touching your target casually to assess how many drinks you will need to buy her before she will let you put your penis inside of her.

neg, negging: 1 (n) the opposite of a compliment, intended to take uppity broads down a notch. An effective neg will lower a target's self-esteem just low enough that she will want to sleep with you in order to prove her worth, but not so low as to cause her to arrive at the conclusion that you're just an asshole. 2 (v) to deliver a neg.

obstacle (n): People who attempt to stand in the way of a pick-up artist's pursuit of a target. Examples include other guys with something of substance to offer, a target's more sober friends, or an especially attentive bartender. (synonym: cockblock)

peacocking (v): Peacocking is dressing for attention. Like, for example, dressing like this:

This attention is supposed to be positive. *snort*

set (n): a group of people. Because you can't just say A GROUP OF PEOPLE, for fuck's sake, now can you? "Set" is often made into a compound word with the quantity of people in the set one is "opening" (ex: twoset; threeset). A set with mixed genders is called a "mixed set." Very risky. To "open a set" is to approach a group of people who were having a good time before you got there and wedge your way in with canned lines intended to make you sound interesting and confident but, in fact, just sound like obvious conversational crowbars to anyone who hasn't been on a strict diet of Jaeger Bombs and BJs.

target (n): a term for the woman a pick-up artist wishes to seduce, conveniently allowing said pick-up artist to easily see her as an object at which to shoot his load, rather than a human being.

wing, wingman (n): A wing is a person who accompanies a pick-up artist on his quest to get laid. Wings ensure that targets know how awesome the pick-up artist is and hopefully, as a reward, will get to go home with the target's slightly less hot friends.

This is by no means a comprehensive glossary, but should be an adequate primer for any novices. Happy club-rat trolling!

Comments

[Lori]

Thank you for the vocabulary primer. Now I'm all set. This show sounds both fascinating and revolting... excellent!

[BlackEyedGurl]

I also love this show, although not in such a secret fashion. I think they should rename the show "How to Get Laid & Influence Idiots."

Sadly Mystery's methods are firmly rooted in evolutionary psychology. I know, you are sad to know that there is research out there that actually confirms his theory of DHV, negging, and kino & that they do work.

I find it funny that most of these guys are looking for a "girlfriend" but from what I can tell Mystery is as single as they come, with the exception of the strippers he gets BJs from whilst wearing his Dr. Horrible goggles.

[Dana]

Holy hell, someone tell Coaty McFuzzhat that there there exist other stores besides Hot Topic.

Does this lunchbox actually get laid? By physical human girls?

I almost want to watch it just to see my question answered. Damn it, I played right into their hand! [shakes fist]

[sweetney]

oh god, it's so bad it's good, isn't it?

(departs to subscribe to season pass) (shakes angry fist at amber)

ps: Lori's "fascinating and revolting" kind of nails this one, eh?

[Snarky Amber]

Believe it or not, the guy apparently gets a lot of tail. I don't get it. I also don't think I'm the kind of girl he'd "target". Too much brain matter rattling around upstairs.

[missbanshee]

Oh god, I can't believe I never noticed the lips tattoo on his neck. I love this damn show SO MUCH. Although I need several showers after watching.

[Kathryn]

Oh my God, I don't usually comment (one of those who hangs on the sidelines and chuckles to herself), but I just had to ask why. WHY is this show being renewed??? It's so bad, it's almost (note I said almost) not funny. WHO has a vocabulary like that??? WHO dresses like that? WHO names himself Mystery? Oh, the horror! Can you imagine THAT guy sauntering up to you in a bar or club? Would you be able to keep a straight face? I couldn't. Totally biting off my friend here, but it's like Spencer Gifts threw up on him!

[jennifer]

"Does this lunchbox actually get laid? By physical human girls?"

TOO funny. (and, my thoughts exactly.)

[BaltimoreGal]

This show makes me question evolution. Seriously. If I saw this guy on the street I would fall over laughing. It has GOT to be staged.