YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE?!? YOU'RE IN THE 21st CENTURY BABY...

And nobody carrrrrrrrrrrrrrrres.

Dude. Step away from the microphone.

It's official. Guns N' Roses has a FIRM release date for Chinese Democracy, their first release of original music since 1991, on November 23... OF 2008. One wonders: Doesn't Axl Rose have a single person close to him with the wherewithal to shoot him straight? Someone needs to pull this guy aside and break it to him. It's over. Way over. In fact, your end was beginning even BEFORE the huge successes of the Use Your Illusion records and the monstrous tour that followed. While you were busy throwing tantrums and milking that stupid 80s Rock God thing, 3 kids were busy digging your grave in Aberdeen.

How many lives ago was Appetite For Destruction? I was 16 with a belly full of low-end fortified wine. In Michigan. In high school with a bunch of chicks who kept flip-flopping on their heart's favorite New Kid On The Block. I HAD an appetite for destruction. I was compelled by forces I couldn't articulate to get as high as I could and blare Mr. Brownstone through Sony Walkman headpones. I wanted to burn something down.

What was the real source of that high-pitched wail, Axl Rose? Sounded like something dying.

There was never really any hope for you in terms of longetivity, my stringy red-haired friend. You came at the end of the 80s and Ronald Reagan. You were trying to carry on a traditon against the likes of Jane's Addiction and Gangster Rap and all those rumblings from Seattle. What chance did you have?

Don't get me wrong. You were the cherry on top of all that stupid hair and cocaine. You really were. You were the grand finale, the end of something. But. Can't you stay ended?

I'll put it bluntly. Nobody wants your stupid fucking record 17 years later. We can't afford a tank of gas, let alone a diamond studded police hat. So please. Take us down to the Paradise City / Where the grass is green and you stop torturing us with your nostalgic freak show.

Available November 23 exclusively at Best Buy.

Source

Comments

[plumwin]

Amen. Funniest thing I've read (and will probably read) all week!

[sweetney]

i'll believe that release date when i see it.

recently read the newest GnR band bio (never liked their music, but find them an interesting 80s cultural phenom), and lordy lordy is axl rose CRAZY. like, i can't even go into it. EPIC NUTJOB.

BHJ if you wanna borrow that i'll mail it to ya. holla.

[Sarah]

Those eyes...that waxy skin...I won't sleep for days. Thanks a bunch.

[Darcey]

I happened to get my hands on a copy (don't ask) - and all I can say is that I was not impressed. I mean, don't get my wrong, I LOVE GNR. Love them. I got grounded for having their cassette tape, which I had taken from my bff's older brother, and as soon as I thought it was safe, I went out and bought another one.

But seriously. I would rather see one of their cover bands (my fave being Appetite for Destruction, who played here in Atlanta on Friday), than try to listen to the "new" GNR.

[Stephanie]

agreed that this was just damn funny.

[DianaCLT]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't GNR just an "R" now? Isn't Axl Rose the only original member in GNR now?

[LiteralDan]

I think an important step in our efforts to help Axl to see reason would be to stop calling him Axl and start calling him Billy. Or, better yet, William.

[Marla]

I'm sorry, but there is no music that I want bad enough to have to walk into a Best Buy to get it.

(And this was not written by the seventeen year old who blasted "Welcome to the Jungle" on the way to the cottage to skinny dip with loads of girlfriends, beer and few inhibitions -- it was written by the thirty-nine year old mommy who might get her jollies from huffing laundry detergent fumes these days, but who still has some standards.)

[Aprylsantics]

I can't hear a GNR song without thinking of Adam Sandler doing an impression of Axl Rose. I like Adam Sandler. Axl Rose, not so much. Maybe he could do a collaboration with Leif Garrett.

[Frank M]

Awww... give the guy a break.. like Marcia he has bills to pay. Maybe after this bombs he can go to Celebrity Rehab with Garey Busey!?

They brought back Knight Rider, and 90210, as sucky as they are...

My wife's high school friend - John Fugelsang said something to the effect that "they are the first two shows to suck in two centuries!" heh

My favorite line of yours was about the 3 kids already digging his grave in Aberdeen.

I wish they would bring back the Greatest American Hero. I'm so sad they killed him off in Heroes already.

[Rhea]

Love GNR but this post said it all...it's a little late for a comeback...unless is totally rocks, then it's all good.