Dear Fred Phelps: Jesus Called and He Would Like You to Kindly Go *%&^ Yourself

Disclaimer: I apologize ahead of time for the hateful language that I use in this post.

You know Fred Phelps, right? He's a former lawyer, politician, the pastor of the Westboro Baptist Church, founder of the charmingly named godhatesfags.com and, most notably, a despicable human being.

I know it's wrong to wish for such things, but it would honestly be such a relief if some freak tectonic plate shift were to occur and swallow up Phelps and all of his followers.

I get frustrated with myself, because people like him are so obviously completely batshit (or engaged in some long-running, completely bizarre performance art), that it's really not worth the energy to be pissed at him. A grown person who seemingly hates everyone in the name of God and who uses phrases like "up the pooper" to illustrate his disdain for homosexuality is obviously to be briefly mocked and then thoroughly dismissed. I think it's fair to say that Phelps and his followers exist merely as cartoonish extremes and don't hold any significant sway over society or politics.

But it's just...you know there are people whose existence just fucking bums me out, and he's one of them.

The WBC's practice of protesting funerals, particularly those of veterans from the Iraq war for defending a country ruled by homosexuals, displays not only their mind-boggling, but impressive, leaps of logic, but what happens when you add the more self-righteous and disgusting brands of religion to a group of people who apparently carry the gene for utter douchebagginess and being so stupid and outrageous that they corner themselves into irrelevance.

So I guess it comes as no surprise that Phelps and the WBC plan to picket the funeral of Madelyn Payne Dunham, aka Barack Obama's grandmother.

You know...whatever. Yeah, it's their first ammendment right to do shit like this. And it's my first ammendment right to say that I sincerely hope they all die of dystentary. I may not be the most patriotic person ever, and, yeah, I have some radical ideas, and, no, I am not a fan of any organized religion, but I have nothing but vitriol for people who are so fucking disgusting that they are compelled to call attention to themselves while people are mourning the loss of their loved ones. Seriously. Just fucking die already.