Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt Elope

Alternate post titles: The End is Near and Angels are Crying Somewhere.

Now, I'm still holding out hope that this is some sort of prank, but Perez Hilton announced yesterday (and US Weekly confirms) that Heidi and Spencer eloped in Mexico last Thursday.

I should not care as much about this news as I do, I KNOW THIS, but even though there is very little reality portrayed on "The Hills" -- the MTV show that skyrocketed these two clueless nitwits to superstar status -- I am kind of pissed off that Spencer, the most ginormous douchebag who exists on or off an MTV program, finally convinced Heidi to say "I do" apart from any family (Heidi's dad tells People Magazine he wasn't told about the nuptials) or friends or -- it seems -- semblance of sanity.

If you are a long-time "Hills" viewer (and I understand if you'd rather not admit to such) you've seen Spencer manipulate Heidi out of friends, out of a job, out of a solid relationship with her own mother and sister and you have probably found yourself screaming at the television more than once, "HOW ARE YOU WITH THAT GIANT, STUPID ASSHOLE?" You've probably also found yourself taking more than one tequila shot to calm yourself down after getting so irate over the love lives of soulless celebrities. (Just me?)

But the one straw I grasped hold of through my embarrassing obsession was that even though there was a strange beach engagement and an even stranger engagement ring, there didn't seem to be a wedding anywhere in sight. But, oh holy hell, we bypassed wedding planning and went straight to clinically insane, didn't we?, because it seems they did indeed tie the knot in Cabo San Lucas on November 20 with just the ocean and the screams of millions as their backdrop.

Heidi tells US Weekly that she isn't sure when she'll get around to telling her mom the news, and, you know, nothing keeps your elopement under wraps like an interview and photo spread with a national magazine.

She also shared some vows and thoughts with US Weekly, including the totally ironic statement that "The minute we said our vows, I couldn't stop crying." Heidi, I never thought I'd say this, BUT OMG, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND.

Comments

[Suzy Q]

Maybe they'll stay in Mexico? Wishful thinking, I know.

I STILL maintain that Spencer is gay, too.

[sweetney]

Can you imagine how little you would have to think of yourself - how low your self-esteem would have to be - for you to not just date, but MARRY spencer pratt? hayzeus cristos.

poor girl. someone should perform an intervention.

[Nd]

Satan must have looked beautiful in his bridesmaid's dress.

[danish]

If I were Heidi, I would not admit that I couldn't stop crying while saying her vows. I mean, that statement just does not project JOY and HAPPINESS, does it?

[Erin]

I can't help but wonder if she lost some huge, cosmic bet... He obviously sold his soul years ago, how on earth he is attractive enough to even talk to, let alone sleep with, is beyond me. EWW! I can't believe I brought that up, I apologize. Speidi sex is just not right...

[sils]

Well, when he has her locked in a room with a gun pointed at her and there's a hostage rescue group outside I will try to be the bigger person and not say "I told you so."

He's the most controlling, emotionally abusive douche on television and I can not believe that no one has yet staged an intervention for this woman.

[rebecca]

i don't watch the hills, I can barely stand these two in short bursts...he grates my nerves in the short clips I see of him...what a big, giant douche, laying the groundwork for an abusive marriage,and doing it in front of millions. blech.

[Jennie]

Rebecca, you're right, he's shitting on marriage in front of millions of people. Even if the bullying and abuse is all for show, and he's perfectly lovely to her when the cameras stop rolling, they're promoting to really young and impressionable girls that it's OK to be talked to and treated that way by your husband.

Big, giant douche. NAIL ON HEAD.

[Snarky Amber]

Wait. Speidi can get married but my mom can't marry her partner of 12 years?
Huh.

[Heather]

you are hilarious.
and i COMPLETELY agree on all fronts.

[jodifur]

Are we starting a pool on how long this lasts? I have 20 bucks on under a year. And I have never seen a minute of the Hills. I get that just from this site and magazine covers alone.

[JennC]

"it seems they did indeed tie the knot in Cabo San Lucas on November 20 with just the ocean and the screams of millions as their backdrop."

Dude, I'm glad I didn't get a chance to read this (or the comments) at work. I would have been so busted just now.

[jodifur]

Hey look, they are not legally married!

Morons-

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/11/26/AR2008112600892.html?hpid=entnews