Just In Time For Heather's Alimony, Paul McCartney Finds "Lost" Beatles Track!

A 14-minute track called "Carnival of Light," recorded during the Beatles' experimental (use of) psychedelic (substances) era has "resurfaced." With the permission of Ringo and the widows of John and George, Sir Paul would like to release it into the desperate hands of Beatles enthusiasts and completists. I'm sure, of course, that its sudden "resurfacing" has nothing at all to do with the fact that Paul's divorce from Heather Mills was finalized, like, days ago.

No, I'm just kidding. I TOTALLY think that's why.

According to a CNN article on the "discovery:"

The improvised work features distorted electric guitars, discordant sound effects, a church organ and gargling interspersed with McCartney and John Lennon shouting random phrases like "Barcelona" and "Are you all right?"

*snort* Yes, that sounds very special, Paul.

I don't care if you're the burners I used to roll with or Sir Paul Fucking McCartney —  a stoner jam session is a stoner jam session. They suuuuuck. If I want to listen to a bunch of people higher than Kilimanjaro dick around on guitar and shout nonsense for 15 minutes, I need only walk a few blocks outside of my university campus on a Thursday night, past one of the commune houses full of stinky seniors. But I'm not going to do that because I value my time and  ears, and also recognize my succeptibility to contact highs.

"Carnival of Light" was performed only once and former Beatles producer George Martin gave a big fat NO to putting it on Anthology, which raises additional flags for me. George Martin? LOVES money. I'm pretty sure if they made Money Cereal, it would be part of a complete balanced breakfast in the Martin household. All signs point to Major Stinker, way beyond the insipid and sort of creepy "Free as a Bird."

"Nay, Amber," you say! "This is all about pleasing the fans, man!" If Paul's excitement about releasing this track has nothing at all to do with his $70K a year in child support, the nearly $40M alimony and estate settlement, or the expensive nanny and private school fees, then I'll eat a big log of Norwegian wood.

Thankfully for Paul, Yoko Ono and Olivia Harrison really love money too, and Ringo probably really needs money, so I'm sure the track will be coming soon to iTunes.

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Comments

[Keryn]

Heehee. That was so funny.

[Renee]

You've captured my exact sentiments.

My husband and I are HUGE Beatles fans. We were married on John Lennon's birthday. We honeymooned in Liverpool. We named our daughter Lennon and our son Harrison. We're fanatical, I have to admit.

Needless to say, we will probably be listening to this release. But I'm not getting my hopes up. Drug Rock is Drug Rock, and this is Paul, so, you know, take him with a grain of salt. There's a reason we're not naming any more kids after Beatles, and he's it.

[David]

Yes Heather really worked hard on producing all that music over the decades. She deserves every single penny.

It's only 30 years old, but our modern no-fault divorce system puts a new smile on my face every day. How did humanity come to this?

[Snarky Amber]

David, I don't really see anywhere that I implied Heather did or did not deserve her divorce settlement. I also don't think you want to get into a discussion with me about how often women are fucked over and impoverished by divorce, and that cases wherein women marry rich men and get great divorce lawyers are not representative of how the majority of divorces go down. You don't want to have that argument with me, because I'll win it. Men leave marriage better off on average; women get the short end of the stick. Heather Mills is a straw man.