People's Top Ten Sexiest Men - Do You Agree With the Squee?

Ooooooooh, my job, y'all. It is SO HARD sometimes. Can you believe what I have to subject you to today? That's right, it's that bleak, tragic event loathed by women everywhere called the People Magazine Top Ten Sexiest Men. Do you think you're up for some photos and some, um...deep analysis? Well, gird your loins, cause we're about to dive in. Strength, mah sisters and brothers! STRENGTH!!!!

Now, I'm gonna do all 15 instead of the top ten, and you'll see why. I didn't want to end up burned at the stake for leaving a certain sparkly boy out of the list. See what I do for you people? MOAR PRETTY!!!

#15 David Beckham Doesn't Becks belong in some kind of "All Stars" of sexy men? Do we really need to keep adding him year after year? I do like seeing him without Posh, since I can't get past her sourpuss to get to the pretty pretty man, and oh buddy, I do love a tattooed and accented lad.

#14 Joshua Jackson Aw, you guys! Our little Pacey Witter is all grown up!! I gave up on "Fringe" within weeks, but Jackson is a great indication as to how child stars can grow up to be hot men. Take THAT, VanDerBeek!

#13 Robert Pattinson *Hits deck* Yes! Yes, he's only #13! Guys, it's going to be okay. He's moving up in the ranks. It's only his first rodeo. I have a feeling we're going to be seeing a lot more of Robby-boy on these lists in the coming years. That said, phwoar, that's a FINE picture, yes? Sigh.

#12 Javier Bardem Err...Um...Okay, I don't think this is a very flattering picture of Mr. Bardem. And rugged men are awesome, and a welcome change from the pretty-boys we always see in the gossip rags, but if we're going to have a rugged man who could, like, chop down a tree for us, couldn't we get Jeffrey Dean Morgan? Maybe I'm being too tough on Javier here. I just can't get beyond No Country For Old Men, guys. I am a shallow, shallow woman.

#11 Mark-Paul Gosselaar Holy crap, Zack Morris! I can't say that I was a fan of the "surfer-shelf" hair-don't back in the "Saved By The Bell" days, but...the HAIR. The hair has GOT TO GO. He's a good looking man, if not a little toothy, but the HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIR. Mark-Paul? The Flip was adorable in the early 60s, ON WOMEN, but less so on you. Hie thee to a salon, stat, and we'll discuss your future on "sexy men" lists after you cut off that mangy thatch. Oh, and lose the vest, too. It doesn't fit properly. Aw hell, People Magazine, you really dropped the ball this time. FAIL.

#10 Lang Lang Lang Lang is a musician who apparently played in the opening ceremony of the Olympics, which I did not watch. he's cute, but is he hiding his neck from Edward Cullen? What's with the pose? And who is he looking at? I have so many questions.

#9 Blake Shelton Blake here is a musician of the country variety, and he's also rugged! How interesting, the dichotomy of rugged and pretty we have here in this list. It represents the battle between the yearning for a pretty face and someone who would totally fix our car if it broke down on the New Jersey Turnpike. That said, he's got great smoldering eyes, but the pincurl of hair in the front has got to be dealt with.

#8 Michael Phelps Aw, Michael. Did y'all see him on SNL? He tried SO HARD! He might be a freakish fish-man hybrid, and I'm still not convinced he doesn't have gills, but as long as I can look at that magnificent torso, I'm not complaining. Can we get Mikey a product endorsement deal that stipulates that he is never allowed to wear a shirt? Because I would buy that product.

#7 Ed Westwick This is the guy from Gossip Girl who's a total douche, right? I don't watch the show, but if he's supposed to be a douche, man, he's got the look DOWN. I'm not feeling the super-square face and the lank, yet wavy hair, either. Eh, I'm giving this one a pass, but I'm sure I'll hear from Gossip Girl fans who think otherwise.

#6 Blair Underwood Now THIS is what I am TALKING about. What a fiiiiiiiiine specimen of a man we have in the dashing Mr. Underwood. Whew. And as a quick aside, does this man age at ALL? Wasn't he on "LA Law" 20 years ago? He's gorgeous as all get out, but I'm not entirely convinced he doesn't have a painting of himself in his attic a la Dorian Gray.

#5 Robert Buckley Mr. Buckley is on "Lipstick Jungle", which maybe just got canceled, so maybe he'll go back to being an economic consultant, which apparently was his profession before he was an actor. Actually, I think knowing he's a smartypants who would balance my checkbook for me actually makes him cuter to me. Again, I am very, very shallow.

#4 Zac Efron  I am not 12 years old, I have never seen any of the High School Musical adventures, and looking at Zac Efron makes me feel like a dirty old woman. THAT SAID. He's got an amazing smile. And I actually think he'll age well. Please age well, Zac. I want to comfortably call you hot someday.

#3 Jon Hamm Oh Jon, you bad, bad, mad man. Mr. Hamm is exquisite, and he can wear the HELL out of a suit, which is vital. I really don't know what else to say, other than Jon Hamm gives me the vapors.

#2 Daniel Craig Come ON. It's 007!!! It's a LAW that he has to be sexy as hell. And those eyes are so...penetrating...Okay, I'm stepping away from this one before this post goes all NSFW on your asses. Mmmm, Daniel Craig ass...MOVING ON!

#1 Hugh Jackman  And now we come to the ultimate in Teh Sexay. Although I prefer my Hugh Jackman in full Wolverine mode, any Hugh Jackman will do on any day. Seriously, the man is made of sex. Sex and an Australian accent. And a hot bod. And he's adorable and funny and loves his wife and kids, and that Australia movie looks terrible but I don't think I care because he's very shirtless and sweaty and dirty and whew. I need to lie down.

So there you have it, folks! What do you think? Who was grossly omitted? Who was unfairly ranked? Who shouldn't have been there at all *cough Zack Morris cough.* Discuss amongst yourselves, I'll be on my imaginary fainting couch, pretending that Robert Pattinson is whispering sweet nothings in my ear.

Is it hot in here?

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Comments

[Gray Matter]

First, important update--Lipstick Jungle NOT CANCELLED! Squeee to that. I don't know what to say--Lang Lang? Michael Phelps? (Impressive, but sexy--ewwww). Zac Efron counts as a "man?" And Hugh lost me completely after "Viva Las Vegas." However, I am blown away by the incredibly comprehensive, and awesome post. Great Job!!

[lolismum]

I should not read this at work. Good thing the busted heater in my office is blowing cold air, otherwise it's going to be an embarrassing morning.

[sassystitcher]

Where is Clive Owen? Where are the usual suspects, like George Clooney? Where's Gerard Butler? Where's Jeffrey Dean Morgan (while he and Javier are extremely similar in looks, they are NOT interchangeable)? I am quite pleased to see Pacey though. He's a cutie. (Zack Morris should definitely not be on the list...it's an affront to sexy.)

I'm pretty sure no one who's famous for being in something called "High School Musical" should be listed as a sexy man.

Because I have Netflix, I will agree that someone from Gossip Girl should be on the list...but not that guy. I mean, he's got the pretty and the scumbag parts down, but how about the parents? Um, the musician turned art dealer is cute. And what about the guy who's Ed Westwick's dad on the show? He is HOT. He's been around a while...Law and Order SVU and Rescue Me come to mind immediately.

And a word about the country choice...I love Blake Shelton. But if I had to pick a country hottie, it's really hard to pass up Tim McGraw :)

[anna]

Where is Robert Downey Jr? I love Hugh Jackman to itty bitty pieces, but I must protest the list that skips Iron Man. Where they afraid to have three Roberts in the top 15?

[Diane]

Yes. Jeffrey Dean Morgan. Can we get him in the Friday Eye Candy? Because rawr.

[Peggasus]

Oh, yeah, I agree with Anna about there being no RDJ.

I also squeal continuously to myself while watching 'The Mentalist,' because Simon Baker? All I want to do is run my fingers through his curly blond hair while gazing into those crinkly blue eyes...

But I've said too much.

[Erin]

Hmm, I am having a love-hate relationship with this list right now. I am super happy with a few of the choices (Hugh Jackman? LOVE the Aussie goodness), but some of them, really? WTF?
Where is George Clooney, and the rest of the Ocean's 11 crew? And is Blake Shelton really the hottest musician they could find? What about Daughtry, or the lead from Avenged Sevenfold? Or Tim McGraw or Keith Urban?

[rebecca]

ITA about Robert Downey, Jr...hot and talented and slightly wounded? I spend the 2 hours of Iron Man gnawing on the screen.
And I LOVE Pacey in here. As apparently the last person on earth watching Fringe, he makes my week.

[Nora Bee]

I love me some John Hamm, but they could have added Nigel Barker.

[Heidi]

Good call, Erin. Love/hate sums it up for me, too.

Love Becks, EDWAAAARD, and Wolverine. Hate Pacey, Zack Morris, Lang Lang, Zac Efron, the country dude, and the kid from Gossip Girl. Michael Phelps can stay if he wears a bag over his head and doesn't speak.

Where's Christian Bale? NPH? McDreamy?

[jacki]

Ummm paging McDreamy, Dr. McDreamy, where are you? Also? Despite being a douche, Maksim Chmerkovskiy from Dancing with the Stars is one FINE piece of man-candy. Furthermore, Steven Moyer from True Blood should, nay, MUST be added to this list!

[jacki]

Could we also start a Sexiest Men Deceased contest, and fill up the ranks with Heath Ledger and Jeff Buckley? Plz, plz, plz?

[Liana]

**sigh**....*droool...* esp. re Hugh Jackman, but also some of the others on the list and even the other suggested names in the comments.

Anyone have a fold-out fan I can wave in front of my face to calm down Southern belle style?

whew!

[Rachel]

Friday Eye Candy should be the list of men who should have been on the list but aren't.

Lang Lang, Zac Efron DO NOT WANT.

Blake Shelton? Really? What about Brad Paisley? He is way hotter.

MPG needs a HAIRCUT.

Becks is 15th?! People thinks Lang Lang is HOTTER THAN DAVID BECKHAM? Insanity.

[sweetney]

i have weird taste: beyond Jon Hamm (OMG!) i'm not really all that into these selections. (okay, Javier Bardem is pretty awesome too. fine.)

[lightmycandle]

Christian Bale?
John Cusack?
James Marsden?

yum, yum, and yum

[TAWNYA BARRINGTON]

Oh Wow...I don't want to fuck any of these men!! Nobody can beat Sawyer (don't know his real name and don't need to.)

[Rachel]

Josh Holloway
James Marsden
Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Christian Bale
Patrick Dempsey
John Cusack

who else should be on the list?

[belladonna]

Michael Phelps - though he has a good body he has become sexless to me. Maybe it's overexposure? Plus, he just can't speak - definitely ruins the mood. I am definitely missing Robert Downey. Iron Man was stupid, but who cares....

[belladonna]

Michael Phelps - though he has a good body he has become sexless to me. Maybe it's overexposure? Plus, he just can't speak - definitely ruins the mood. I am definitely missing Robert Downey. Iron Man was stupid, but who cares....

[Desiree - Mother Musings]

Oh THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!! I seriously needed this today! I can't even begin to tell you. So I don't care who is missing or on here that maybe shouldn't be... I'll take it as it is because MY GOD Hugh Jackman & David Beckham & Robert Pattinson. {fainting}

[Kristen]

Whee! I'm so happy to see Lang Lang on there. He may not be the most rugged or the prettiest, but maybe there is some implication there that hotness might involve being more than eye candy. At any rate, he's one of the best pianists in the world, and it's freaking awesome to see that he's able to enjoy this kind of publicity and that at least one classical musician in the world can be called "hot".

[Connect with your Teens]

I don't know if its me getting old or what but I am not thrilled with this top 15. Enjoyed it less than an other before.

[BaltimoreGal]

mmm, I only like Daniel Craig, David Beckham & Joshua Jackson (and JJ is only since Fringe! Odd.).
I think I'm too old. And I like 'em a little rougher-looking.

Also? I've been watching "The Mentalist" for a couple of years on USA. It's called "Psych". Simon Baker's cute but that drives me NUTS that it's the same show, just serious instead of funny. WTF? Anyone?

[Snarky Amber]

Sweetney, I'm so with you. I think it's that I don't really like 'em all that pretty, usually. I like a face that tells a story. I like Javier, Jon Hamm and Daniel Craig. The rest of these dudes can take a hike.

And I like Pattinson alright, but really only cuz I like Edward. And this pic made me think of a less douchey version of the Hoff, circa Night Rider. Am I the only one getting that? Please don't hit me with sticks for saying so — it's been a rough day.