Victoria Beckham's Remarkable New Discovery: It's Easier To Pee If You Aren't Wearing Pants!

Science in practice: that's not an apple, it's a wayward hacky-sack. Also - note tights!

Science. It's amazing.

For example, did you know that if you drop an object, it falls? That's gravity. Scientists discovered gravity one time during a scientists-only hacky sack tournament, way back in the olden days. You know, when that mathematician guy missed the sack and it dropped to the ground and everyone when hunh? And then dude was all “I deduce that the forces which keep the planets in their orbs must be reciprocally as the squares of their distances from the centers about which they revolve; and thereby compared the force requisite to keep the Moon in her orb with the force of gravity at the surface of the Earth; and find them answer pretty nearly. Also, shit falls DOWN” and everyone else was all, oh, Newton, but they were nonetheless impressed and so went ahead and named a cookie after him.

Turns out - according to a recent scientific study released by the laboratories of Beckham & Beckham RDA (Research, Development and Awesomeness) - that the same gravitational forces are at work when one urinates. Pee rolls downhill! (Or down leg, as it were.) Which poses a problem for fashion: how are fashionistas to pee, when the fabric from their silk-cashmere blend pantsuits or acid-wash jeans or Lindsay Lohan Special Edition Leggings get in the way?

Victoria Beckham, Fashion Scientist, has the answer:

Dresses.

Dresses, according to the Scientist Formerly Known As Posh, offer an unique opportunity in fashion: they can be designed in such way as to facilitate ease of urination. The trick? Magic zippers! Beckham explains:

"Like I knew I would spend a lot on high-quality zips because I have had my share of badly made zips. I wanted a zip that undoes from both ends because then you can either put the dress on over your head or step into it - and also, you know, going to the loo wouldn't be this whole big problem."

Because, yes! The whole problem with going to the bathroom in a dress is the zips! How many times have you fumbled with a downward-zipping zip while pressing your legs together in a desperate attempt to hold it in? And how many times have you resorted to the primitive practice of lifting up the skirt of your dress just to get on the toilet more quickly? Too many times, I'm guessing. And I'll bet you were ashamed.

Well, thanks to Beckham's new up-zip technology, you need never worry about fumbling with downward-zipping zips in order to get your skirt out of the way of your stream of urine, nor face the shame of indulging in the technologically-backward practice of simply lifting the skirt. Just zip it up, squat, and go!

Newton would be so proud.

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