Big Love Recap

I was trying to think about the worst date I ever had to try to segue into this recap, but I'm coming up blank because I never dated that much...I just sort of hung out with dudes until we moved in together. So I'm having a hard time relating to Ana in this episode, but I certainly feel for her.

As the episode opens, Ana and Bill are at a Sonic-ish drive-in for their date. Bill asks Ana if she ever watches the Weather Channel. "It relaxes me," Bill says serenely. Ana's like, "Uh..." Because, honestly, once your date turns to a discussion of the Weather Channel, how could it possibly get worse? Oh, I know: if your date's braided wife pops up from the back seat to steal some of your fries for her son, who is also along for the date. Hi Nicki! Ana's a good sport though. Barb also pops up and asks Ana if she enjoys gardening. Ana explains that she's always lived in apartments and had windowboxes with carnations for awhile. They agree that carnations are very nice...and the conversation just kind of...ends.

Later, Bill and Margene are getting their freak on. Margene's all into it, but not THAT into and starts ordering Bill to pull out. She explains that he looked at her sideways when she was 6 months pregnant and besides, "It's not my turn." And what about that other wife you have? Nicki? Margene points out that she hasn't had a baby in four whole years. The nerve!

Bill later discusses some nagging expenses and family events with Barb, but the conversation soon turns to Nicki and her dry, barren uterus. Barb doesn't know what Nicki isn't conceiving. At home, I shoot my hand wildly up in the air and yell, "Oohh! Oohh! Oohh! I know! I know! Pick me! Pick ME! I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT HER SECRET BIRTH CONTROL PILLS!"

Ana is on the phone wailing to Margene about how boring the date was and demands that she never abandon her like that again (I guess Margene was at home on babysitting detail). Margene has a weird look on her face and hangs up and wanders into a sports bar. Huh?

Nicki is on the phone with her mom and there's some talk about Rhonda being one of the Jane Does. Nicki whines a little about the stress of being a mole in the DA's office and this makes Adaleen freak out at her because she is, after all, living in a camper and Roman's in jail and raids have been happening all over the place. After they get off the phone, Nicki takes one of her secret birth control pills. TOLD YOU!

Kathy and Joey are talking about her upcoming deposition. Kathy's a Jane Doe! Wanda sits a few feet away and rocks out on her Casio and stares at her husband and sister wife, not looking at all crazy. Ahem. Despite their efforts to keep their voices low, Wanda seems to hear all that she needs to hear.

Barb gets home from having some treatment at the hospital and is met by Margene who gleefully announces that she sold 15 of their video poker units at that sports bar. That's great and all, but she's home two hours late and totally left Nicki in a lurch with the kids. Now she's late for work, but just to make her day a little better, Barb and Margene decide to aske her what's up with not having more kids. Nicki thinks maybe it's Bill, but Barb points out that Margene just had a baby, so...there goes that theory. "Maybe Margene broke him," offers Nicki. Snort.

Bill and Don are giving a presentation to Jerry on their casino plans. Jerry talks shit on their slideshow and wants to know where the model is. "I need something tangible," says Jerry. He needs glitz! Snazziness! He snots that he knows Bill and Don are mom and pop (or pop and mom and mom and mom in their case) but come on now. Don gets upset and leaves. Bill chases after him and finds out that Don promised the model but it's crazy expensive and they're both broke and shit's a mess in general.

Sarah is at Scott's getting dressed after some hanky panky. Scott's pissed about Sarah's plans to go to Arizona and wants to know when she plans on telling her parents. Sarah's like, "Back off."

Bill crawls into bed with Nicki and they get into a brief Scripture quote-off before the question of Nicki's birthin' abilities comes up again. Nicki's like, "What about Ana?" Bill says that he doesn't want to marry Ana just to be a brood mare. "Why not?" asks Nicki. Ha! And also: eek! Nicki thinks that maybe all they need is a blessing from Roman. Thanks, Nicki, because the image of Roman presiding over some babymaking is exactly the image that I wanted in my brain.

Alby is in his office listening to music on his MacBook when Wanda barges in. The really scary thing about Wanda is that she creeps Alby out. Christ. Wanda tells Alby that she wants Kathy gone. Alby doesn't want to get into it, but explains that he likes Kathy and is all, "Could you do me a solid and NOT kill Kathy? None of your antifreeze-tinis Kthankxbi."

At home, Sarah gives Barb a phone message from the hospital confirming her appointment and is like, "Uh, what's that about?" Barb brushes it off as her annual appointment. EVERYTHING'S FINE WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT CANCER AND WHY ARE YOU CANCERING THAT CANCER? I'M JUST READING MY HOROSCOPE BECAUSE I'M A CANCER I MEAN A SCORPIO. Sarah finally breaks the news that she wants to go to Arizona for college since she's been accepted into their nursing program. Barb points out that they haven't saved for out-of-state tuition and Sarah retorts that life might be easier her for Arizona, since Utah's kind of crowded already with all of their wives and children and whatnot.

Nicki and Bill visit Roman in jail to get one of his creepy Kokopelli blessings, then Roman asks Nicki to leave so that he can talk to Bill alone. He tells Bill that he knows who some of the Jane Does are, including Rhonda, and orders Bill to bring Rhonda to him so he can give her one of his Don't-Testify-Against-Me-Or-I'll-Kill-You Blessings. Bill tells Roman that he's not his errand boy, but Roman assures him that he is because otherwise he'll get Rhonda to tell everyone about Bill and his family. And since Bill has met Rhonda, he's like, "I see your point," and puts on his special errand boy hat.

At home, Bill tells Barb about Roman's threats and that the trial is a total cesspool. Nicki eavesdrops on their conversation and gets to hear all of the nausea-inducing details about the trial's possible effects on them and their financial situation.

Later, Margene and Nicki have yet ANOTHER conversation about Nicki's lack of offspring and Nicki says something to the effect of lifting Bill to everlasting glory through her reproductive pyrotechnics and Margene's like, "I had really hoped to have a serious conversation with you." Nicki assures that she is serious. Hee!

Frankie, Bill's wayward little brother, shows up with Ben at Deb's where Sarah and Heather work. Frankie meets Sarah's co-worker, the "suburban predator." Sarah fills them in that they were also discussing the number of children in the Henrickson household and whether Bill should take another wife. Frankie autmatons, "It's his right to grow his family." Yeeeaaahhh.

Ana is at the Henrickson's for dinner and things are going...swimmingly. Until Margene and Nicki get into it about babies and Nicki's job and Margene's selling prowess. They storm into the house while Barb helpfully explains, "She's finally trying to assimilate and that's really important to us." Ana throws up in her mouth a little. The wives fight in the kitchen while Bill tries to assure Ana that everything's cool.

Alby shows up at Joey's house and tells him about Wanda's visit. "She was disturbed," says Alby. Joey's like, "Uh...yeah? In other news, the sun came out this morning?" Alby warns him that if anything happens to Kathy he'll send Wanda far far away. Joey tells him to get the eff out of his face.

Margene shows up at Bill's office with a model of the casino for their meeting with Jerry. Don's freaking out and fights with Bill before saying that he's done doing business with him. Jerry shows up in the middle of this and expresses his doubts, saying that the whole polygamy is kinda...complicated. Margene decides to once again take matters into her own hands and explains that being prejudiced against polygamists is like calling Jerry a drunken indian and some other horrifying stuff. Bill's like, "OMG WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" Jerry picks his jaw up off the floor and hightails it out of there. Trying to salvage what remains of his business, Bill corners Don's wife Peg in the hallway and tries to figure out what to do. Peg explains that their other wives ran off with their kids. Oh, man.

Barb is at the hospital recovering from her biopsy. The doctor is kind of evasive about her questions. Uh oh. Barb is ordered to get a ride home from someone since she's not allowed to drive.

Back at the office, Don breaks down to Bill about his wives, wailing that he's failed as a man because he can't even claim his kids without risking being thrown in jail. Bill consoles him and the whole awkwardness of the situation is overshadowed by the very real fact of a father yearning for his children. Bill gets a phone call, presumably from Barb. He gets her from the hospital and they have a rather doomy conversation about the possibility of her cancer returning. Barb doesn't want to say anything to anyone else until they know for sure, but muses on how awesome heaven will be. Bill's like, "You're not helping."

Nicki shows up at Adaleen's camper with a casserole and attempts a heart-to-heart with her mom about the baby situation. Adaleen's all, "Yeah, totally, what's wrong with you? You should have waaaay more kids by now." Nicki lets her know that the more kids Adaleen had, the more she resented them for making her more mother than wife. Adaleen tells her she's on the road to ruin. What a nice mother-daughter chat!

At Joey's, Wanda and Lois have yet another bizarre conversation about Wanda's bird. Frank shows up with Jodean (NOT Kathy) and picks a fight with Lois that culminates in Frank strangling Lois. Wanda covers her eyes and blindly starts stabbing at Frank with a knife, but it's finally Frank's other wife (Frankie's mom) who slams Frank in the head with a shovel.

Bill feels the need to tell Nicki about Barb and Nicki starts freaking out. Barb wants to talk to Nicki and they both stare at each other expecting something else to come out of the other's mouth, when finally Barb tells Nicki that they're taking her to the fertility clinic.

Sarah, Heather, and Ben arrive with Frankie at some flop house for excommunicated Mormon boys. There are a few stray Juniper Creek girls there, who inform Sarah that she's wicked. To make things a tad stranger, Scott is outside having followed Sarah there. "Are you...stalking me?" asks Sarah. Scott professes to follow Sarah wherever, but she's all, "No thanks. You're annoying and I'm not in love with you." Scott leaves, devastated, and Sarah gets distracted by the fact that Rhonda is staying at the flop house.

Margene wants to go with Bill to apologize to Jerry but Bill thinks maybe she should sit this one out. Bill explains to Jerry that, "My people and your people are, like, total twins!" Jerry seems unsure about all that but I guess he's willing to go into business with Bill after all.

At the fertility clinic, Nicki lets the doctor in on her birth control secret, noting that she stopped taking them a few days ago. The doctor tries to talk to her about her rights and options, but I guess the pressure finally got to Nicki. She heartbreakingly explains that she's not a monster, she wants to be a mom and do her part...and fill toy dumptrucks with pudding and make gallons of carrot raisin salad.

Bill and Don make up with their business deal looking bright. Bill gets a call from Lois who cheerily assures him that things are getting better...especially now that she has Frank tied up in the basement.

Sarah sits alone in her room and sobs and the camera slowly pans down to a book in her lap: Options for a Young Mother. OH GREAT. Actually, I totally saw that one coming whenever they had that clip of her crying in the previews.

Bill shows up at Ana's apartment and they get all kissy and admit to missing each other. Ana asks if it's just them, but suddenly all of the other wives and kids bust in and Ana's like, "OH COOL! THAT'S GREAT! COME ON IN, ALL OF YOU, WHATEVERRRRSSS!" The wives and kids start setting up for a picnic on Ana's floor when Barb's phone rings. It's good news! Barb smiles at Bill, Bill smiles at Nicki, and Ana keeps smiling maniacally while holding a baby, all, "YAAAYYYY NO SERIOUSLY THIS IS SO GREAT I'M SO GLAD ALL 500 OF YOU SHOWED UP AT MY TINY APARTMENT TO HAVE A PICNIC THIS IS AWESOME!"

Comments

[DianaCLT]

Phenomenal recap! Bravo! I watched the EXACT SAME EPISODE...but your recap makes me want to watch it again, and LOL at all the stuff that only made me grin before! Woo-hoo! KDiddy, you're the bestest recapper E-VER!

[Smiley]

I quit watching this show sometime during the 2nd season. I love keeping up to date with it through these recaps. They're much better than watching the excruciating slowness of the show.

[Rhonda]

Great recap! This show had sooo much going on!

Love Louis' comment: 'why are you rubbing that bird's anus with a q-tip?'

Lol - about Wanda freaking out Albe - good observation.

Did you catch the look on Barb's face at the very end? After the 'whee no cancer call' she looks at Ana with a wierd look - I swear it was like a, ummmm re-do, I'm not dying, no need for 4th wife look!

If you can get all of that from a look.

[DianaCLT]

Rhonda - I totally just giggled when I saw your name. Are you, by any chance, hiding out in a flop house from Roman? ;)

[Rhonda]

Why yes, in fact. And the re-cap was awesome - but you probably need more Rhonda commentary next time! ;p

No, my parents had a thing for that stupid Beach Boys song. Damn those Beach Boys.

[FM]

I don't remember the daughter-in-law helping her drag Frank down the stairs.

In the episode I saw, Wifey #1 did it all by herself.

Was I high?

[tkemaven]

I don't get to watch Big Love because I'm too cheap to have HBO, so I look forward every week to reading your recaps.

The last paragraph? Pure comic genius. :)