Big Love Recap

I love watching those ridiculous old airline commercials. You know, the ones that spend their whole 30 seconds pointing out that their stewardesses wear short skirts and are held to strict and misogynistic aesthetic standards and, oh, who cares about flight safety, anyway? Boobies! They're fun to watch because they're ridiculous in our context. But Margene apparently watched them as a how-to video.

We open up on a tour bus and Margene, with her new blonde 'do, is dressed in a teeny outfit and announcing activities over the PA. This is all a pitch for Jerry, Bill and Don's would-be casino partner. The guy that Margene referred to as a drunken Indian. Bill tells him about how they'll have bus trips going from Utah to Idaho daily. He's impressed with their presentation and wants to know how they're progressing with the financial matters. Don confidently declares that it's all but approved, which is a really bad sign because Don, bless his heart, has no intuition whatsoever.

The Henrickson spouses and Ana are at a bowling alley and Nicki whines that she doesn't understand why Ana hasn't said yes to their marriage proposal. Plus, Nicki thinks Margene dyed her hair because she wants to be Nicki. Bill is getting off the phone with Joey, who let him know that Roman is in a hotel in town, when Margene squeals and announces that Ana has decided to accept their proposal! Yay! Bill kisses Ana and they set about setting a date...like, this date. Like, today. Ana's a little surprised that they want to have the wedding tonight but, d'oh, they can't because Sarah has to work. They decide on 3:30 that afternoon and...geez, what time did they go bowling? 9 a.m.?

Cut to--the wedding! Why is this episode in warp speed? The other wives look on as Bill and Ana are married and it is, indeed, a very sweet and simple ceremony. Bill and Ana kiss and then Sarah hisses at her mom that she has to get back to work and Bill's like, "Yeah I got a meeting at 4:30. I'm glad I was able to squeeze in my wedding. My new iPhone helps me keep all of my engagements in order!" Everyone disperses and the wives are left, facing each other. Barb says that they need to settle the living arrangements, but says that she thinks it would be best for Ana to live with her. Margene is bummed but Barb explains that it was Bill's idea in his wisdom. Nicki thinks that Ana should just stay in her apartment until she starts having babies. Margene mutters, "Shouldn't we talk about this?" Sarah stomps by and says, "Welcome to my world." Yeesh.

Bill is at Ted's (Barb's brother-in-law) office talking to him and some politician (?) about the anti-gaming legislation and how it could even be applied to church bingo. The politician sees Bill's point and promises to at least delay them, if not kill them completely. Bill asks Ted what made him change his mind about helping him and it turns out that Ted needs Bill's help. A friend of his is trying to buy some church document from Alby, of all people, and is having some trouble (with Alby? Trouble? NOOOOOO!) and could Bill maybe grease Alby's wheels? Bill insists that he's no longer doing business with the Grants. Ted pushes a little more and Bill finally agrees, begrudgingly, but tells Ted that the next time he wants something from Bill he should just ask because, shockingly, Bill's not a douche like our boy Ted is.

At night, Bill and Ana are stargazing and basking in their newlywed bliss. Bill wants to know why Ana finally decided to say yes. Ana says that the Henrickson's love is generous and giving and she wants to be part of it. "And now you are, wife," says Bill. "And now I am, husband," replies Ana. Aww!

Sarah, Heather, Ben, and Frankie are watching Rosemary's Baby and Heather is FREAKING OUT at the scene where Mia Farrow does the dirty-dirty with Satan. Heather wails that it should be banned. Ben and Frankie are planning a road trip to the compound. Sarah decides to join them, much to Heather's dismay. Frankie golly-gees that the compound is fun, like a carnival! God, somebody take this kid to a real carnival...like, one where they don't excommunicate you just so the old dudes can have all the pretty, young girls.

All four wives sit down for their meeting and Ana commits the ultimate faux pas by sitting in Nicki's usual seat. Barb tries to dismiss Nicki's protests and Nicki says, "If it's only a chair then give Ana yours," so Barb does. Ana asks if they have these meetings every week and Nicki shoots back with, "NOEVERYDAYISTHATAPROBLEM?????!?!?!" Uh, NO, Nicki, CHILL. Margene has brought a pie and this just completely pushes Nicki over the edge because they don't eat at their meetings and oh my god did you just toss your hair over your RIGHT shoulder because you always toss your hair over your left shoulder and the world is all bizarro! Anyway, things don't get any better when Ana tries to volunteer for grocery shopping duty and Margene explains that Barb assigns the duties. Ana and Margene retreat to the kitchen to "get plates." Margene tries to gloss over the whole regimented nature of their family and starts giving Ana the hard sell about living with her.

Bill calls Joey's house to let him know that Lois is now set up at one of Don's apartments and talks to Kathy for a second, asking her how she's doing. "A guilty man walked free. That's how I'm doing," she says. Always a pleasure talking to you, Kath. Joey tells Bill that Alby has turned the compound into a police state as a Hummer goes by with Alby-minions shouting orders over a bullhorn. Oh, by the way, Bill, why are you letting Nicki go to that pow-wow at Roman's hotel? The wha? With the who now?

Indeed, Nicki shows up at a hotel along with many other Juniper Creek-types. Nicki, Alby, Lura (shudder), Adaleen, and Roman all gather around a table. Roman speaks emphatically to all of them about all of the shit that just went down, except for Nicki because she's been nothing but dutiful, right? RIGHT? Nicki channels Rodney King and asks why they all can't get along. Roman agrees, sorta, and says, "All past transgressions can and will be forgiven provided all sinners fall in line."

Ana and Barb are chatting about traveling and make vague plans to travel together someday. Barb is just so pleased with her burgeoning relationship with Ana and says that she finally feels as though she has a true friend in the marriage, since Margene and Nicki are more like sisters. Ana brings up the housing issue and there's some more circular talk but they decide that Ana will stay at Barb's since that's where most of the family stuff goes down. Barb agrees and says she'll talk to Bill about making it final and Ana's like, "Uh, Bill?" Barb explains that there's a way things are done in their marriage, a system, and oh, have you met our brick wall? We bang our heads off of it regularly!

I forget why Bill was at Roman's hotel, but he spies Nicki and asks here what in the h is she doing there. Nicki insists that she went to protect them, to see where they stood and explains that Roman is trying to coerce Alby into submission. Bill grabs Alby and Lura on their way out and tries to talk to them about the documents that Ted wants. Lura explains that the potential buyers didn't speak to Alby with respect. God, shut up, Lura. Alby is amused that Bill has his fingers in yet another shady pie but Bill says that if Alby will tell him what he needs, he'll talk to the buyers and maybe even arrange a penalty for the disrespect.

At her house, Margene is insisting to Bill that Ana wants to live with her and that would be great since she has a baby and all. But Bill points out that they don't want to turn Ana into a glorified nursemaid.

At the office, the DA notices Nicki packing her stuff and asks her what's up. "I lose one case and you're bailing?" Well, yeah, dude, Nicki's work here is done. But Nicki says that she's having more family problems, but that she enjoyed her time there. The DA and Nicki stare at each other...longingly? Hmm.

Sarah, Ben, Heather, Frankie, one of the compound girls who was staying at the flop house and Sarah and Heather's snotty co-worker are on their way to the compound. The co-worker has some, er, misconceptions about how she'll be on Entertainment Tonight. Sarah asks the compound girl why she called her wicked at that one party a few weeks back and the girl explains, "If you don't believe in Uncle Roman then how can you resist temptations?" Uh...okay.

At a family meeting to decide on the living situation, Bill explains that Barb and Margene fighting over Ana isn't fair to Nicki, and that's why he's decided to have Ana live with her. "Why am I the one being punished?" wails Nicki. Ha! Bill explains it's for bonding purposes and all of the wives are officially dumbfounded.

Bill and Don are at the bank and apparently it's not going well. The banker explains that their business will exploit weaknesses in LDS families and blah blah blah they're turned down.

The road trip crew are hanging out in some mountainous area by the compound when Sarah tells Heather that her dad took a fourth wife. "When?" asks Heather. "Yesterday, in the backyard," says Sarah, which makes it sound like Bill was digging and just happened to find a fourth wife. Score! The subject of Sarah's baby, of course, comes up and Sarah finally admits that she wants to keep her baby and raise it herself. Frankie runs off when another compound boy tells him that Frank sent his mom away. Ben runs after him.

Ana's move into Nicki's house is, shockingly, not going well. Nicki's fixed up basically a corner of the living room for Ana to sleep in because she's fixed up her spare bedroom for "crafts." She's also set aside a drawer for Ana's things in the buffet in the dining room. "Screw your drawer and screw your nook," says Ana. Barb and Margene run to Bill to protest the situation but Bill stands firm. Ana tells him that she needs her own house and Bill agrees to make it happen, as soon as something on the block opens up. Ana says she can help with the down payment from her savings and Bill's like, oh yeah I forgot to tell you that we pool our money. Ana is having none of that and explains that her tips from the diner are hers alone and she needs her own house, on the block or not.

Sarah and Heather are working out some plans for college and seem to decide on going to Arizona together and raising the baby. The co-worker overhears and says that she knows a clinic Sarah can go to. Alby's "God Squad" rolls past and the kids panic.

Frankie shows up at his mom's house and is shooed in by one of the other wives. She explains that his mom is in Nicaragua but only Frank knows exactly where she's staying. Frank shows up and starts terrorizing everyone and just generally being the shithead that he is. God, why didn't Lois kill him? Since Ben won't tell Frank where Lois is, Frank says he won't tell them where Frankie's mom is, and Frankie chooses that moment to grow some balls and bitchslap Frank. This, of course, gets him kicked out for good, Frank screaming after them that they're beyond redemption and salvation. God, Frank, just DIE YOU MISERABLE BASTARD.

Barb and Margene are talking about Ana wanting her own house, but Margene has an idea: Ana can have her house and Margene can move in with Barb! It'll be so much fun! Barb doesn't think that will work because...um...there's not enough room. "Don't you want to live with me?" asks Margene. Barb's silence says a lot.

Sarah, Heather, and their co-worker are running through the mountains, doing a really good job of getting lost and panicking when the creepy compound girl shows up to lead their wicked selves back to the car.

The DA has left a voicemail for Nicki, begging her to come back to work because he really REALLY misses her. Ana walks in and suggests that they go bowling so that they can bond. It looks like it's a good exercise since they're laughing and having a good time and DRINKING OMG. Nicki starts getting all slurry and emotional about how the bond between sister wives is unlike anything else, deeper than blood, nothing that can't be shared. Ana says that Barb seems lonely and that she thinks Barb wants her to be her lieutenant. This bums Nicki right out so later she drunk dials the DA and is like, "Itsh a real pleaaaaasure working for you. I've deshided I wanna come back *hic* and work for yoooouuuus."

Frankie wakes Ben up in the middle of the night to tell him that he's going to Nicaragua to find his mother. Ben, of course, has some doubts, like whether Frankie realizes that Nicaragua is far away and is also, like, a whole country and not some small neighborhood where he can go door to door. Frankie explains that there's no hope for him there and thanks Ben, sadly, for the prom, which was a really great night. This scene totally bummed me out.

Barb hears from one of her Eagle Forum friends that the anti-gaming bills are very much alive and that, surprise, Ted lied to Bill.

Margene and Nicki fume while watching Barb and Ana garden together. Nicki, in her own special way, starts inserting ideas into Margene's head. "They don't care about us anymore. You're growing into your own. You're usurping her control. I be that's why she hates your hair." And! AND! ANA WANTED WHITE AZALEAS AND BARB WENT AHEAD AND GOT MAGENTA AZALEAS WHO DOES THAT?

Bill is at Ted's office and is mightily pissed. The price of Alby's document has gone up even higher. Ted scoffs that Bill can forget it. But Bill stands up and coldly tells Ted that he is going to grind those bills into dust and THEN he's going to call the bank and see that his loan goes through. Damn. Bill is GANGSTA when he wants to be. Also, what the hell is in those documents? Juicy!

Margene and Nicki are furiously ripping out azaleas when Barb rushes out to ask them what they're doing? "Don't pretend you're blind to what's going on here, you womanizer!" shouts Nicki. "You're stealing Ana because of my hair!" shouts Margene. Barb wonders when she missed the part where Nicki and Margene started huffing glue. Barb explains that she wants Ana to be her friend, to be an adult with her, and that Ana makes her feel normal. Margene, with her blonde hair and her wild eyes, covered in dirt and torn azaleas, actually says, "I don't do that for you?" Uh, no, Margene. Ana, of course, hears all of this. Bill offers to take her on a honeymoon. But Ana sadly explains that she can't do this and places her wedding ring on the counter. Margene protests, "But you love us!" Ana explains that she's also breaking their perfect union and that if she stayed, what she loved about them would go away. The wives sadly file out and Bill says he thought it was meant to be.

Comments

[cindy w]

Great recap. For the life of me, I can't figure out Nicki. I used to hate her, then they gave her character some layers that made her slightly more sympathetic, and now she's back to being just self-righteous and hateful and generally awful.

I didn't think Ana would last very long, but I'm surprised that their marriage lasted all of one episode. It made me like her more, though.

[Rhonda]

Thanks for the fun recap. This episode did seem on hyperspeed. It takes them soooo long to get new seasons out - it's like they are trying to make this season 3 in 1. I am anxious to see next week!

[clarabella]

Bill went to the hotel looking for Nicki. Someone told him about the pow-wow.

[clarabella]

Nevermind. Apparently I can't remember what you've typed from one paragraph to the other either. Blarg.

[amalah]

At the beginning of the ep I declared that there was NO WAY they'd actually have Bill take a fourth wife. It'd ruin the balance of the show. And then BOOM they did, and then BOOM over already. Hyperspeed is right.

[DianaCLT]

I MISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Big Love sooooooooooooooooooooooo much! Thank you for the recap! It's all I have now. *sniff* *sniff*