Robert Pattinson to Present at the Oscars

It was announced this week that Robert Pattinson will be presenting at this year's Oscars. Nielson should see a spike in ratings from the zygote-coffin female demographic. I'm using an older photo of him, before he Britney Spears'd himself and cut off all of his beautiful, magical locks and started allowing himself to be pictured in circa-90s flannel. You know what, though? I'm willing to overlook it.

No one knows what award Pattinson will even be presenting; the media is all hyped up simply because he will be there. Oscar ratings have been on he decline, which is a nice way of saying that I'm not even sure the Academy can even get its own control room to pay attention to the telecast. Oscar organizers may just stand Pattinson on stage and pay him to say things like "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb" before breaks. 

I would watch it for that.

The media stopped fainting all over itself just long enough to speculate about Pattinson's date that he may or may not bring. It's a quandry which seemingly supercedes the economy in terms of importance. Who will he take? His mother? Some D-list starlet whose lack of intelligence renders her stunningly incoherent but yet beautiful? His co-star who puts more energy into toking it up, and advocating said toking, than into her role? (Maybe that's how we can energize Bella. Put a bowl of hash in front of her. Oh come on, I keeeed! Sort of not really!) (By the way, those "retarded" groupies make you fat bank and keep you in the grass, doll. Crazy groupies go with the job!)

The downside is that I will be on air during the Oscars but if I have to break programming to witness him deliver an Edward Cullen line I will.

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Comments

[Rhonda]

SKWEEEEEEEEE! I'll be watching.

I can't believe I just turned 36 and just 'SKWEEE'd'. This Edward thing just may have possibly turned unhealthy.

[Alison]

I am just too giddy for words. I haven't watched an entire Oscar presentation for several years, but this time you can bet I'm going to TIVO that betch. And I don't care who he brings to the ceremony as long as she/he is a blood relative.

[MWAS]

Be still, my beating heart!

[Peggasus]

That's probably what Joaquin Phoenix looked back in his heyday. I get the feeling that this boy will not age well.

[Isabel]

Wait...how did I miss Kristen's pot smocking and "retarded" comment? Dude, get rid of her and give us MORE EDWARD (I mean, more Robert).