Heroes Recap "Shades of Gray"

Master. Master. Master of puppets I'm pulling your strings. That's the theme song for one Mr. Doyle, which, to be clear, he did not download off of Napster. Doyle is right where we left him last week, in Claire's kitchen, eating popcorn and being creepy. He begs Claire to help him escape the agents. She says no so he plays the abilities card.

Claire plays the get out of my house card and Doyle manipulates his own eye into shedding a tear. His own eye! Tears of a clown and all that. Door. Doyle. Ass. Hit. Out.

Nathan Petrelli and the military guy, whose name is suddenly Danko, have a talk. Actually, they grunt around an awkward pause. It's awkward for all of us. Nathan gets a phone call about Parkman being strapped with a bomb in D.C., which we already knew, because, hello, that's so last week. Danko denies any knowledge of the situation. Note to self - Danko lies.

Danko sees Nathan go out the "roof access" door and starts to suspect Nathan of having a secret helicopter, but really Nathan has the secret of flight and he uses it to fly to D.C. and boy are his arms tired. Applause. He finds Parkman surrounded by police and C-4.

Danko gives a go on the bomb. Due to a computer issue the bomb doesn't work. We suspect Rebel. Noah just watches and would have let it happen. Noah is very committed to his cover.

Petrelli has Matt read a bomb tech's mind to deactivate the bomb. Nathan has to tell Matt to do this because the latter is kind of druggy and the former is kind of bossy. They complete each other. They read a mind and defuse the bomb, then Nathan punches Matt. That shit is going on the news for sure.

Sylar finds his dad's hovel. It's a trailer covered in stereotypes. Dad's hobby is taxidermy, the official hobby of serial killers everywhere. This just in: Sylar and Lex Luther are brothers! His dad is Lionel Luther of TV's "Smallville." He is on oxygen and smoking like Michael Weston's mom on a bender.

Nathan finally/kind of faces Danko and relieves him of his command, or threatens to, or makes promises he can't keep. Nathan's plan is a bit murky. Danko shows everyone the video of Tracy claiming Nathan is "one of us." Noah watches. Everyone else is all seen it.

Danko tries to get the truth out of Tracy but she won't talk because Nathan beat him to her and sold her a bunch of crap. She also bought his ocean front property in Arizona. Everyone looks at the security camera knowingly. She does tell Danko that Nathan was crap in the sack. Zing! Danko expected as much. We all did.

Claire goes undercover by applying at the comic book store that Alex used to work at. It is filled with the cast of "Chuck." It would appear that the employees at the comic book store don't read 9th Wonders (the official comic written by heroes for heroes) or they would have expected her.

Claire is given some sort of nerd quiz. Flight or invisibility? That is the question. Also, what kind of hero are you? Apparently the crying on the inside kind. There's no crying in comic stores!

Sylar and his dad share a moment. Knowledge is dropped. Myths are broken. Cliches explained. Rabbits killed. Daddy has the ability to take powers. Like father like son! His favorite is boring people to death. He gives a little whistle, but he does not, however, let his conscience be his guide.

Also, morality doesn't figure into it. Neither does bunnyality. North winds blow. South winds blow. Thunder. Lightning. Kill the wabbit!

Then, stuff the wabbit. There, the wabbit is just like new, but better because it doesn't eat or crap or breathe, and it holds down papers in the event of a sudden breeze. It's really better for everyone this way.

Danko grills Noah about the Petrellis. Noah blames Angela. Noah calls Angela. Noah is complex like this. Angela smells socks.

It would appear that Angela can learn things from people via their belongings, either that or she has a foot fetish. If my theory holds true then Danko is an argyle man.

Meanwhile, the bad guy agents are still watching Claire when suddenly they take off to get Doyle. Rebel texts Claire asking her to help Doyle. Roaming rates apply.

Doyle is caught in an alley stairwell by Agent Hottie McHotison and explains to her how he has this effect on women then uses his power to stop her and makes her point her own gun at her own head. Oh, the irony. But he doesn't kill her! Oh, the humanity.

Oh, Doyle rules!

Claire shows up and knocks out the dude agent who is a secondary character anyway.

"Barbie," says Doyle and other things go unsaid.

Danko meets Angela in some fancy restaurant. They talk genetics and families with abilities. Angela Petrelli is trying to act powerful or possibly sexy. It ain't working. She is sucking oysters off a half-shell and subsequently my lunch out of my stomach. The sound of her sucking oysters off the shell is quite possibly the scariest power of them all.

Sylar's dad witnesses the power to heal and he wants it. Oh, he wants it bad. He wants to live forever. He wants to learn how to fly. Fame! So he tries to whistle Sylar to death, and Sylar flexes his shiz and leaves Daddy to die, alone, by disease, which is just how he found him.

He takes his lucky rabbits feet (and head and torso and tail) and doesn't look back.

Nathan gives Danko his walking papers after having them signed by the president and he tells Noah that he's got the job. Danko pushes Nathan out the window to test his theory of relativity. He proves it. He can fly! He can fly! He flew.

Noah, who was standing there the whole time, defies typical "Hereos" protocol and doesn't push Danko out of the window as well. Shock rolls in.

Claire gives Doyle a new identity from paperwork arranged by Rebel. She asks him if he has really changed and we can tell by his raised eyebrow that he hasn't. Laughter, laughter, laughing at my cries. That's more Master of Puppets in case you didn't recognize it.

Enter Hiro and Ando. Finally. They were told 3 episodes ago to save Matt Parkman. They just showed up at a home in L.A. and some babysitter goes crazy on them because she quit two hours ago and nobody came to relieve her. She thinks that Hiro and Ando are babysitters despite their repeated attempts to explain the contrary. They're there to save Matt Parkman and, wait for it, Matt Parkman is the baby. It's junior! The part of Matt Parkman, Jr., is played by Jack Jack Parr.

Cue Mohinder with the voiceover and the montage. Rebel texts Claire and says her pass is up- the bad guys are coming. Cut to Sylar's dad with his oxygen and his loneliness. Cut to Danko who has a new paperweight and an unwelcome house-guest. Hint, it's Sylar. Cut to the Bennet household where agents bust in but Claire's not there. She is outside the 2nd floor window watching it all and she is being held in midair by her dad- the flying one. Special thanks to the tree for saving hundreds of dollars in special effects.

And then it's all "to be continued..." and I think that popcorn sounds pretty good.

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