Rihanna and Chris Bown and the Mystery of the Secret Wedding

If Star Magazine is a reliable resource (and for the love of all that is holy I hope it isn't in this particular case) that mean that Rihanna and Chris Brown got married over the weekend.

I don't think I have to tell you why that is so messed up, but just in case you have been living under a rock for the past month let me fill you in.

I am here for you people.

Chris Brown and Rihanna have been dating for a while. Rihanna is a singer and a model. Chris Brown is a recording artist, an actor and (an alleged) woman beater. In fact lately he has been a very high profile  woman beater. The couple was supposed to perform together at the Grammy Awards but were forced to cancel after an incident that involved a text message, and argument and Rihanna looking like she had been in a car accident.

Instead of pressing charges again the bastard who did this to her she (allegedly) ran off to Star Island and (allegedly) married him.

Now Celeb Glitz says that they don't think there was really a secret wedding, and I hope that is true but even People Magazine is reporting that they are back together and spending time at one of Puff Daddy P Diddy Puffy Combs Sean "Diddy" Combs's homes, on Miami Beach's Star Island.

I am not going to pretend to understand the psychology behind domestic violence. I cannot related to abuser or the abused. I can't tell you what it would feel like to be in Rihanna's situation but I can tell you this: she isn't doing any favors for the rest of the women out there in her position.

I know she is only 21 years old, and barely that. I think she must be in a very bad place in her head to feel like she should go back to the man that the whole country knows beat the crap out of her.

I really hope the wedding rumor is false. Sure on the surface it seem like a fascinating subject for a post. We all want to read about it and talk about it and gawk but when I stop and think about as if it were one of my friends instead of a celebrity it makes me feel sick to my stomach.

I feel bad for her, but WOW. Didn't she read Jodi's post? I have said it before and I will say it again, as a celebrity she has a responsibility to be a role model and she is failing spectacularly at it.I would prefer to have women learn by her example, but I am afraid that they will be learning from her mistakes.

I just hope she lives to tell about it.

Comments

[Kathryn]

I don't understand why that picture of her in the purple coat has been posted. It's clearly a photoshop job, and posting it only detracts from the seriousness of her actual injuries, which are documented in the photo of her on the phone. I'm surprised and disappointed in the choice to go with sensationalism in this post.

[lolismum]

Kathryn, actually, both pictures posted here are fake. They are both photoshopped. Google them if you like. I do agree with you.

[Diane]

I agree ... just no need for the 'shopped images here. That's just extra humiliation this woman doesn't need.

And if you read the rest of what Jodi has written on the subject, you would recall her saying she never judges the women who stay.

[Kathryn]

Well, the second photo, if nothing else, is at least more realistically done. But my point still stands, and I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who thinks it's a bad idea to post the fake pics.

[Kristin]

My first thought on seeing that first picture in this post was "How can they joke about this". I've also seen documentation that the second photo is fake as well. I know this is a pop-culture website, but if you're going to talk about domestic violence, do some research ond DON'T turn it into a joke. Those pictures are ridiculous.

[Sils]

Okay, first of all and as a general rule, I don't think a 21 year old should be anyone's rolemodel for a relationship - whether they have been the victim of domestic violence or not.

While I know that some responsibility comes with the power of fame I think we're asking a lot of a girl who, at 21, is probably not even remotely ready to be married - let alone have her personal issues dragged out for everyone to be judge and jury on.

Being a 21 year old girl is HARD (I cannot speak to being a 21 year old boy as I have a vagina and no penis), there are hormones and freak-outs and Serious Emotional Instability. (Seriously, if I could have ten minutes alone with the 21 year old Patti the would all be spent telling me to calm the eff down because, seriously, in 10 years? You will be SO embarassed that when you broke up you left him 47 messages for him to play to all of his friends.)

If she has gone back to him to work out their relationship, I'm not suprised. When you're 21 it's LOVE and NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HOW REAL IT IS, okay? THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER LOVE LIKE IT, okay? At 21 she's probably not at a place where she realizes that yes, even though you love someone sometimes the relationship isn't healthy - for either of you. And yes, even though you love someone you're not going to whither away and die without them. It's a hard lesson that most people have to learn... and around the age of 21 is when most people have to learn it... most people get to do that in the privacy of a dorm room.

All that said:

1. Disclaimer: I am well aware that some 21 year olds are ready for marriage, but statistically this isn't the norm.

2. If he did beat her, even once, I really hope this is a rumor. Even if they're back together he needs to prove that he's dedicated his life to her via rehabilitation if it's going to last.

[jodifur]

I hope she would read my post. I hope she didn't marry him, b/c then should could be compelled to testify. I wish none of this happened to her and I hope they both get some counseling. 3 weeks is not enough time for either of them to be healed.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

You guys are completely right.

I took down the photoshopped pictures.

It was in poor taste and I apologize.

Sarah

[Hilary]

I just hate all the photos, real, 'shopped, whatever. The way a woman must feel to return to a partner that (allegedly) strangled and threatened to kill her- this is just wrong. I hope it's false. I, too loved Jodi's post and I feel similarly: I don't blame Rhianna I just wish she hadn't gone back to him and I hope she survives.

[Heather]

I wish that instead of hearing so much about why she doesn't leave and that she should be a role model, that we were instead hearing more about WHY DOES HE HIT HER and WHY ISN'T HE A BETTER ROLE MODEL to Black men. Or men period. I think that by constantly shifting the questioning to her, it's a slippery slope to blaming the victim.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

In this case I think it is clear that Cris Brown is the bad guy.

I totally understand what you are saying though, and it is a good point.

[Amy H]

I just read the CNN article that outlines the police report of exactly what happened and it is HORRIFIC. They were right when they used that term. I thought they were being dramatic at first but after reading the report, it is clear that he is out of control.

Remember when everyone was saying that the teeth marks on her hands and fingers were probably from her starting the fight? Well it turns out that is not the case. That happened way late in the beating when she was trying to get him to back away.

If what the police report says is true, he is a monster. These two need to stay far away from each other.

[AmyC65]

SILS: Okay, first of all and as a general rule, I don't think a 21 year old should be anyone's rolemodel for a relationship - whether they have been the victim of domestic violence or not.<<<<<<

Should be? probably not. but IS she? Unfortunately, probably so.

[Debbie]

Thanks for taking the pictures down.

I think the other thing that MamaPop needs to realize when they post photos is that images like those of a domestic violence victim can be very triggering for other domestic violence victims, whether the photos are real or not.

You may argue that your readers want those photos on your site, but we all know where exactly to get those types photos if we want to see them, and I thought MamaPop was better than that. I understand why you'd want to get the traffic from being the first gossip site to post them, but since that kind of internet - what's the word here? ?prestige? - is a long, long way off for MamaPop, how about considering the emotions and reactions of actual domestic violence victims who suffer from PTSD and may be reading your site?

[veronica]

OMFG!!! I just read the article on CNN describing the attack...how horrific. I can not believe for one second that this is a first time occurence or that without a SHIT LOAD of therapy he won't abuse again.....you don't get to that point casually...that's some serious shit.

My heart just breaks for her. No one should have to endure that from someone, let alone from the hand of someone they love.

[Jen]

I disagree that 21 is "too young" to be married, I'm 20, will be 21 next month, and have been married a year as of tomarrow and am loving life and my great guy. But ANY AGE is TOO WRONG to marry a freak abuser! She's just 21 so where the hell are her parents? He dad? If any guy treated me like that my father would kill the bastard, and I'm not jokeing when I say kill. The freak would disappear and never be heard from again, believe that! Of course my father tought me martial arts and how to use weapons also so I can take care of myself. I would have broke Mr. Brown's arms, both of them, if he tried his punk ass crap on me!

[veronica]

Unfortunately Jen I don't think it matters how physically cable you are of handling yourself - when put in that situation you react in ways you never thougt possible.

I always said that I would never put up with that crap, that I would hit back...but when it actually happened....it's just so different. I did try to hit back once though and although it's sad to say, it just made it that much worse. Sure I felt some vindication for getting a lick in, but it wasn't worth the extra licks I took and the extra rage that followed. And then it's all the mind games of turning it back on you that now you're no better than them because you hit them.

The physical aspect of the abuse is only part of it, the mental part is such a big factor and plays with your mind in ways you never thought possible unfortunately.

[Jen]

When you learn martial arts, you don't just learn physical self-defense, you also learn discipline. You learn how to calm all those voices and panics you would feel without the training. I'll admit I've never been in a *domestic" violence situation, BUT I have been involved in street violence twice. Once with a female friend and myself who were harassed for our attentions against our will by two street thugs who wouldn't take no for an answer and decided it was ok to put their hands on me. Another time I was alone and three thugs demanded my cell phone and money. In both instances nothing short of violence worked. They demanded it, so I gave it to them, and not what they asked for, but a lot of pain. In both cases I kept my composure, when your trained, your mind goes to another place. Your at peace and calm even in the most extreme of circumstances, time seems to slow and you handle the situation without emotion. I got a few bruises, but nothing compared to the brutes I faced. In the first instance, my friend stood aside, she was not trained, so even then I was basicly on my own, but I protected us both. Just because we are women does NOT mean we are defenseless, you choose to be a victim or not by how you conduct yourself and how you prepair. Training is how you prepair your mind and body, it IS possible. I'm not saying I'm invincible, but I'm no soft target ether. I still practice and train with my father, who is my instructor every Saturday morning, I stay in good shape in mind and body. And like I said, if I couldn't handle it, I KNOW my dad could and there would be some real hell to pay, I've seen him in action, and you don't want to know what he did to the bastard who murdered my mother and little sister, nuff said there. The world is a battleground, ether be prepared for it, or be prepared for the consequence of not.