Heidi Montag Is Way Stupid When It Comes to Spencer Pratt

The fifth season of "The Hills" starts on Monday, so I thought that I should get a head start on reporting the ongoing ridiculousness of Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt, and the media machine that they keep trying to make out of their totally for reals love affair.

Is it just me who can't believe that those two are together solely because they are so desperately locked into one of the world's greatest love stories?  I think that both of them have realized that her vapidity and his Snidely-Whiplash-ish-ness would never go very far individually, but, put them together, and voilà! You have a pop culture duo that can do no right, but, man, do they make doing no right so much fun to watch.

Heidi Montag just released her new single, "Look How I'm Doin'", on Wednesday, and I would warn you not to click that link and listen, but I kind of get off on torturing you.  The song is messy, poorly phrased, and simply not singable enough to be retained in anyone's memory for very long, despite how much the Autotune attempts to make something workable of her voice.  Hell, even the addition of Cathy Dennis, the songwriter behind Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl", could not save this song from Heidi Montag.  A word of advice Heidi: having boobs plus blonde hair plus being on reality television does not a singer make.

But her new single is not why I'm talking about her today.  I just mentioned it to cause you pain.  The real reason why I'm talking about Heidi Montag is that she told MTV that she wants Spencer Pratt to rap on her next album.  Seriously.

"Spencer Pratt is amazing," she said. "I'd love to get him on my album. He sings, he raps — he does everything."

Really? The gopher-faced boy raps?  I am simply not going to buy that truckload of feculence. I don't believe that MTV possibly does either, or the studio at which she records, for that matter, but the entertainment industry is not solely about good talent.  If it were, we wouldn't have Nicklelback and Ted McGinley.

I guess we've got to hand it to Heidi, though:  she's obviously an incredibly charitable soul, because without her, Spencer Pratt wouldn't get any work at all.

Comments

[BaltimoreGal]

Flesh-colored beard. That is all.

[Scandalous Housewife]

Nooooooooooooooooooo! Tell me no! Spencer is Douche Bag supreme-ous!a

[Amanda Nicole]

I clicked on the link and lasted up until the 53 second mark. What do I win?

[LovelyLayla]

Ugh!!!!! Make them go away. Spencer must love his life though, considering he has never had a job. His parents pay for his car and cell phone, he lived off his sister for awhile, and now Heidi helps him out...and I don't get how she stays afloat.
Someone should just pay them to go away.

[Alyssa]

I feel like the last 6 words of this title might be unecessary

[Chickiedoodle]

I wonder when Heidi's going to go on tour. Or even, you know, sing in public. Even once.

[Karina in T.O]

Oh yeah, because these two are the Ava Gardner and Frank Sinatra of our generation. Pfft!

[Scwinn Girl]

I thought I was the only one that thought Nickleback sucked.

[Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy]

Spencer Pratt's flesh colored pube beard gives me a migraine.