The MamaPop Pop Culture Confessional: Dad Gone Mad Edition

So remember how we decided that it would be, like, SO MUCH FUN to subject our favorite bloggers and sundry characters to a MamaPop Pop Culture Confessional, wherein they would be compelled to confess their current top five pop culture pleasures, guilty or otherwise? And how we like totally got Kristen of Motherhood Uncensored to spill her dirty, dirty secrets and then we all sat around and drank the communion wine and made up penances for her? That was fun, right?

Well, we're doing it again. In fact, I think that we're going to try to do it every week (so if there's someone out there whose pop culture confessions you're dying to hear, let us know in the comments.) This week, it's Danny of Dad Gone Mad (and whose first book, Rage Against The Meshugenah, is being released this summer and you should all totally buy it because you need to laugh that hard, I promise you). Seeing as his confessions involve penguins, boners and anecdotes about his junk falling out of his bathing suit, you might want to not consume any liquid while you're reading this.

Herewith, Danny's Top Five Pop Culture Moments Of Shame And/Or Glory, in his own words:

1. TV Hosts With British Accents Trying to Pronounce Hip-Hop Names.

I was a big Fonzie fan as a kid, and one of my favorite episodes was the one in which The Fonz tried to utter the word “wrong” and literally could not do it. And as they say, everything old is new again. For example, I don’t know why FOX is so intent on casting the likes of Simon Cowell, Nigel Lythgoe and Cat Deeley in such prominent roles on its shows, but I’m so glad it does. Without them we would miss out on the pure comedy derived from hearing a proper, over-enunciating Brit fumble with names like “Lil C” and “Lil Rounds.”

“Well done, Little C. Uh, Lit’ll C. Lit--. Lower Case C. Uh, C.”

Don’t hurt yourself, guv’nuh.

2. AwkwardBoners.com.

Let’s face it: being a man is awkward. We fart a lot and we produce a lot of fluids and sometimes our hangie-down parts go rogue on us. We learn early on that our bodies are a rich source of humor, and this site is a cathedral for that stuff. If a fart in church is funny, a boner in church is hysterical. (Spoken like a Jew.)

3. The Madagascar Penguins

Never mind that it’s a kid’s show. Aside from Scrubs, this is the best writing on television. My kids love it, but I laugh just as hard as they do. At first I was skeptical because my favorite part of the Madagascar movies, Sacha Baron Cohen, does not provide the voice-over for King Julien (“Shh! We're hiding. Be quiet everyone. That includes me. Shh! Who's making that noise? Oh, it's me again...). But they’ve found a strong stand-in for him and the show is laugh-out-loud funny to me.

4. Kate Gosselin’s Quote-Hair-Unquote

Kate, now that you’re separated from what’s-his-face, can you please fix your fucking hair? The back of your head looks like a wet dog’s matted ass after he wakes up from a nap. Assuming you will now become a cougar, eight little kids will place you far enough behind the relationship eight ball that no man with half a brain would come near you. Also, you’re an unrelenting bitch. So please, for the love of all of the shows about midgets and megafamilies on TLC, shave that fucking bird nest off of the back of your head. Or put on a hat. Caw! Caw!

5. “Accidental” Celebrity Nudity

Sometimes when I go the beach, my junk falls out of my bathing suit. And sometimes, when I go out to dinner at a snazzy Beverly Hills bistro, I forget to wear underwear and then the paparazzi take a flash photo of me and next thing you know my package is on the damn internet. People. Please. I have no problem with nudity; heck, I love it. But spare us the “oops” routine. We know you have a new album dropping next or your new movie needs publicity or whatever, but if you know you’re going to be getting out of a cab and you “accidentally” let your crotch be photographed so it will appear online the next day with a little star covering the good parts, well, shame on you. But hooray for us!

Hey! I have a book coming out soon. Suddenly I feel the urge to drive over to Red Lobster with no pants on. Nah. Too many shrimp jokes. Better make it Long John Silver’s. 

Confessory Judgment DELIGHTFULLY FILTHY. Thoughts on Kate Gosselin's hair are a little bit two days ago, but extra grace points for finding a way to make current pop culture really just another opportunity to reflect on your junk..

Danny's pop culture penance: five Hail Whedons and a 1000 word essay on what David Hasselhoff's crotch as displayed in any season of Baywatch reveals about Western civilization and its inevitable decline.

Sooo, now we pass the torch/baton/microphone to y'all: What pop culture-y things are YOU loving this week?

 

Comments

[Palinode]

I have this thing for Cat Deeley. Tall skinny models are not my type, but there's something strange about her face that I find fascinating. Plus I love it when the dancers have finished their routines, and suddenly Cat Deeley is looming over them like some jovial giant. I think really tall people fascinate me in any context because they're always looking at the tops of other people's heads. Is that gratifying in any way? I'd find it a bit unpleasant.

[Jill]

I love the Penguins of Madagascar, too! I find myself watching it even after my kid's 4yo attention span has caused him to lose interest! And I don't even get tired of watching what seems to be the same 6 episodes over and over again. It's a mainstay on our DVR from here to eternity!

[Alyssa]

Agreed. Sometimes in the afternoon the boy is distracted and I could put on some adult tv if I wanted to... but I almost always opt for Penguins of Madagascar. I'm pretty sure we both enjoy it equally.

[ali]

I honestly think that Britney does NOT do it on purpose. I really think she forgets that there is a way to get out of a vehicle like a lady. I mean, really, do you think she REALLY wants the world to see her untidy and ungroomed lady bits?

[Her Bad Mother]

Yeah, I kinda think she does, actually.

[ali]

then she's grosser than I thought..
EW.

[Carolyn]

Bwahahaha, this made me laugh EXACTLY when I needed to. Nice job.

[Liz C]

Ah Danny, good stuff. I recently confessed on my blog that I'm fixated on The Duggars (18 Kids & Counting on TLC). I can't help it. It's like really good science fiction.

[SarahMcow]

Awkwardboners.com - a gem. Nicely done.

[michele]

yay dad gone mad!

[Doug]

So glad I found this blog...Hilarious.

[Momo Fali]

It really IS all David Hasselhoff's fault, isn't it?

Danny, if your junk "accidentally" got photographed would they use one of those little stars to cover it, or would they go with a yarmulke?

[defendUSA]

Yes, indeed. I do find Kate to be a bitch. She acts as though the way her life has turned out had nothing to do with her. Bitch and a half. Her martyr state makes me want to puke...They do have cute kids, however.
And, yes, could she please, please get a new best friend to tell her that her hair sucks?

[shane]

I agree some of the best writing is in kid's programming- and recently the Penguins have replaced Sponge Bob (another well written hilarious show) as the number #1 daily must see. Glad to know I'm not the only 40-year old enjoying this guilty pleasure.

[The PCS Queen]

Amen about Kate's hair brother! I just don't get it. I thought it was a California thing. Is it long or short. Pick a style already!