Friday Eye Candy: Bad Good Mother Edition

Because it's a fad, apparently, to be a bad mother, or talk about bad mothers, I thought, well, why not just be ALL FADDISH AND SHIT and do a little bad mother eye candy, and prove that it's not a fad.

You thought these were 'good' mothers? Ha. Think again.

Look, Carol Brady was always sweet as pie and her kids clearly adored her. But come on: she was a stay-at-home mom with school age children and she needed Alice to help out? What was she doing all day?

How much you wanna bet Carol Brady was a fan of an afternoon martini? Or six?

June Cleaver was always perfectly dressed, perfectly coiffed and maintained a perfect home. She held regular afternoon tea parties, and always set her table with silverware and china. Can you say, obsessive compulsive disorder? If the Beaver ever brought home an earthworm, she freaked. Dirt was an absolute no-no. The boys probably developed severe allergies due to living in such a sterile environment. I'm also willing to bet that they needed therapy in later years to address the effects of living with parents who maintained a sexless marriage. Twin beds in the master bedroom, y'all. That shit is wrong.

Donna Reed: see June Cleaver, above. TWIN BEDS, people. And you can't tell me that wearing those pointy bras made women anything other than MAD CRANKY. Just because they didn't show the beatings on television doesn't mean they didn't happen.

Clair Huxtable. Okay, I can't think of any way to spin to Clair Huxtable as bad. You're welcome to try, in the comments. I'll just insist that she's bad-ass.

Like most of us.

Suggestions welcome in the comments!

Comments

[Martha]

Claire Huxtable was THE SHIT. If she and Roseanne ever teamed up, there would be no need for shows like Supernanny...

I think I just felt a chill.

Also? I think Carol Brady just kept Alice busy so she could go get some meat from Sam the Butcher, knowhumsayin'? ;)

[kdiddy]

Claire Huxtable a) had FIVE children (way too many) b) worked full-time as a lawyer even though her husband was a successful ob/gyn (neglectful and greedy she was!) and c) subjected her children to urban living. It's an atrocity that they kept that shit on the air as long as they did

[Martha]

You raise some interesting points that I hadn't thought of before. And might I add, she also allowed that hussy Cousin Pam to move in, Cousin Pam who wanted to have PREMARITAL SEX? And wanted BIRTH CONTROL ADVICE from her own COUSIN CLIFF? SCANDAL!!!

Not to mention her allowing Rudy to be such a temptress with both a young Buuuuuud AND Peter.

Harlots. Raising a bunch of harlots.

[ljpock]

Martha - Harlot is one of those divine words in the English launguage that is just not used often enough....thank-you :)

How about Mrs. Keaton. You know there was some secret pot-smoking going on and really, must everything be a lesson? This just teaches the kids that they can expect and explanation for everything in life instead of just learning to expect someone's elses authority because sometimes you can't questions "because I'm the boss" lol

[Her Bad Mother]

ha ha - totally forgot about Mrs. Keaton. Although I think she's probably more in the category of bad mothers who are actually good - because I'm sure Alex had some judgments about having a hippy mom...

[Martha]

I also like "strumpet."

[Della]

Hahahahahahaha! I totally did NOT realize that HBM wrote this article until I saw the comment. The Silleh is Back! Boo-yah for Friday Fun Day.

In other news, I am eating M&M Premiums, Almond version, and they are not as good as the regular almond M&Ms.

[Della]

@Martha - WIN! Strumpet is my favorite.

[ljpock]

I know have a good word to try and work into daily conversation - awesome!

[Suzy Q]

You talk about afternoon martinis as if they are a bad idea. I don't geddit.