Michael Jackson Is Gradually Consuming Himself

The Sun recently published a horrific close-up of Michael Jackson's ear. If you didn't know it belonged to the once-great pop star, you'd think you were looking at a bat's ear, or a detail from some 1980s monster flick. Why? Because apparently Jackson is using bits from his ear to rebuild that precarious little pyramid we've agreed to call a nose.

The Sun's web page is grouchy about people stealing photos from its site, so I invite you to go to the source and look at Michael Jackson's hideous horror show of an ear. What the hell? Is he attempting to recreate one of his more lurid videos by turning himself into a bat?

My guess is that it's a kind of swap game, in which Jackson is attempting to move portions of himself to different locations on his body. It's Musical Parts! First he's taken his ear and put it on his nose. Next, he'll take cartilage from his knees and rebuild his ear. His shoulders will replace his knees, elbows will fill in for shoulders, and some nice papier-mache will fill in that elbow space.

Now things get interesting as we enter the speed round. First he switches his eyes (but not eyelids) with his nipples. The nose is relocated to the left foot, which is switched with the right hand. The lips go to either side of the neck and the teeth arranged in mohawk-fashion along the skull. The game pauses while he cuts a video directed by Guillermo del Toro for his comeback album, and then it's back on. His buttcheeks are shifted up to the middle of his back, his hands stuck on where his ass used to be, his legs attached to the ends of his arms, and his junk tied with a lovely red ribbon. Commence triumphant tour schedule! Sold-out venues! Children screaming in terror! Adults passing out from revulsion, their unconscious bodies still attempting to crawl away from the horror!

The game continues until every body part is back in its original place, or he's sold to the world's worst zoo. Whichever comes first.

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Posted by: schmutzie | June 12, 2009 at 02:34 PM

GAH.

Posted by: BaltimoreGal | June 12, 2009 at 03:47 PM

I had a really good laugh at that. Talk about someone not comfortable with their self.

Posted by: Mrs. C | June 12, 2009 at 05:16 PM

Umm, aren't children ALREADY screaming in horror? (Insert reason for screaming here. Seriously, you only get to pick one. Hard, huh?)

So sad to remember him from the Thriller days, back when he was black and good looking and successful and dating grownups. What a sick, sick person he is...it really is too bad that no one was able to help him back in the day, who knows how many lives (including his own) would have been the better for it.

Posted by: Irma | June 12, 2009 at 07:08 PM

Yuck. That is all.

Posted by: Gina | June 13, 2009 at 01:21 PM