Gold's Gym, Wall Street Journal Plumb New Depths Of Female Body Micromanagement

July is almost over and yet nobody told me about Cankles Awareness Month until today. All month I could have been collecting pledges, doing walkathons and writing blog posts about this devastating condition plaguing U.S. women, but sadly I have only two days left to do my part to spread awareness. Did you know that a horrific condition called "cankles" (wherein one's ankles appear to have no clear definition from one's calves) is ravishing the nation, condemning countless women to a life where espadrille sandals and capri pants are but a mockery of their hideously and freakishly deformed lower leg regions? 

The Wall Street Journal has contributed to spreading awareness about this awful condition with an "in depth" news exposé about the ways we can combat this scourge:

According to its site dedicated to the "cause," Gold's Gym created Cankles Awareness Month to "point out the absurdity of...new buzzwords [such as cankles, muffin tops, or love handles] and give people real, tangible advice they can use to combat them." However, while Gold's feels their approach is a, "tongue-in-cheek shot at America's obsession with perfection," it's a swing and a miss, really, because it only shrouds the micromanagement of women's bodies with the veil of concern for "healthy lifestyles" and "real, tangible advice." However, under this rhetorical clothing, it's all the same harmful you're-not-good-enough shit women struggle with every time they turn on a television, open a magazine or open their Facebook home page.

This sort of concerned "we just want you to be healthy!" rhetoric on its face sounds nice, but I've never heard of a medical link between heart disease and poorly defined calves and ankles. The truth is, focusing on sexy, toned backs, ankles and love handles often leads to eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder because, for many, no matter how many squats they do do or meals they replace with Special K and diet water, "cankles," cellulite or back fat are simply part of their genetic makeup, and only surgery (or refusing to allow narrow standards of beauty to rule their lives) will eliminate these "problem" areas. 

While an attitude favoring self-improvement and regular exercise is certainly desirable and positive, when we attach it to these body "flaws" that keep cropping up in media with their clever names and "in depth" news stories featuring faceless pictures of fat ankles or gut spillovers (connoting the shame and bag-over-the-head mortification one is supposed to feel about their horrific bodies), rather than, say, to the healthiness of our hearts and lungs and minds, the end result is more time spent staring in the mirror at small parts of our bodies and wondering if we'll ever be good enough, sexy enough or "healthy" enough to deserve love or to be desired. Imagine if we spent that kind of time and effort working on being more compassionate citizens of the world, or creating art, or spending time with our families? 

I know, I know, strange orders from a blogger who two to three times a week ponders such important questions as whether Jon Gosselin realizes he looks like a really douchy cyborg when he goes around with his Bluetooth earpiece in ALL THE DAMN TIME, or whether Britney has finally discovered the modern miracle of underwear. Perhaps I should abandon all this damn feminism, quell my cries for body acceptance and get started on my Cankles Foundation grant proposal instead. Any volunteers to staff the phones for my telethon?

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Comments

[BaltimoreGal]

I had cankles when I was thin, I have them now that I'm not. So what does that prove, Gold's?

[ozma]

This phenomenon fascinates me. It's like there are an infinite number of body parts for commercial ventures to create anxiety about. Remember when people had slightly normal colored teeth? I actually read that some women have surgery to conceal the veins on their hands.

Eventually, they may run out. But I could be wrong! They might turn to internal organs next. Or they could do this on the cellular level perhaps.

[Jozet at Halushki]

*standing up and applauding*

*a lot*

It's all fun and games until your 10-year-old, intelligent, athletic, kind-hearted, good-natured, beautiful-in-all-definitions daughter comes home crying because other 10-year-old girls are making fun of her tummy bulge.

It's all fun and games until a neighbor's 8yo daughter is sticking her finger down her throat.

If we're going to occasionally make fun in a "take back the night" sort of way, I think we need to more often let our daughters and others know that it's only a joke among those who truly understand the pain behind the joke. And we need to speak the truth that fights back the lies ten times more often than the joke.

Thanks for this post. You've earned two free underwear jokes. ;-)

[Darcey]

One of the telling reason that my bff had indeed found her Birth Mom (other than the fact they looked just like sister) was when she leaned over to me and said, "Hey, she has cankles, too!"

For that reason alone, I say we celebrate cankles!

[Irma]

Hey, can we have a new contest on Mamapop? We can all submit what we feel will be the NEXT way the media and/or pharmaceutical companies try to make us feel bad about our bodies!It'll be fun, c'mon, no one has told me to be ashamed of my collarbones yet. Or what about my elbows, SURELY I should be concerned about my elbows, right?

Only problem is I can't think of an appropriate prize for the winner except a stiff drink.

[TasterSpoon]

Neck wrinkles. Or has that already been done? I feel like Sylvia Plath mentioned neck wrinkles in The Bell Jar.

[Another Suburban Mom]

Cankles! I have to worry about fucking cankles now!

I don't think so!

[michele]

wackadoodle. i don't think there are exercises for such things, i think it is genetic.

[Irma]

I don't think it counts unless Brooke Shields tells you about it...

[Velma]

Awesome post. I often wonder what the next "Must Change! Not Good ENOUGH!" body part will be. I like elbows for it, although my son recently pointed out how "wrinkly" my knuckles were. KNUCKLES!

[BaltimoreGal]

My mom grew up without her mother- she died when my mom was 5.
One day one of my mom's aunts looked at her and said, "Oh my, you have your mother's legs." This was not expressed in positive manner.

I've got those same legs. Straight down from the knee to the foot, pretty much. BFD. I've got bigger fish to fry!