Available November 1: Twilight Barbies

Yes, it's true. Mattel has been totally reading your diary AND surfing your Twilight fan art website, and is set to release the Official Twilight Barbies (Bellabies? Edwardies?) this fall. Just in time for some new movie, or something. I think it's about a moon? Anyway, like, oh em gee and stuff, the dolls will retail for $24.95 each and will be available wherever Barbies are sold.

Please, remain calm, and try not to trample the 12-year-olds. You're taller than they are -- you can just reach over their heads.

The doll's press release would like you to know that the movie studio provided Mattel with the ACTUAL COSTUMES for inspiration, and Stephenie Meyers "art directed" the look of the dolls. I'm pretty sure this is the Twilight equivalent to being doused in holy water and a good two or three on the Six Degrees of OMFGEDWAAAARD scale.

 

Speaking of Edward, thanks to the power of smooth molded plastic, he's now 100% more abstinent.

(And oddly Fox Mulder-ish, like Mattel had a lot of leftover heads from a failed X-Files set that got left out in the sun too long and they were like, "crap, what are the odds there will ever be some crazy insane national phenomenon with pale skin and poofy hair and a target audience of girls who want to cautiously experiment with their developing sexuality in totally non-threatening ways involving undressed plastic dolls while their mothers beat each other down in the aisles of Toys R Us? LET US STORE THESE PLASTIC HEADS AND PRAY THAT DAY WILL COME.")

I really hope you lunatics are pleased with yourselves.

Comments

[sassymonkey]

But the question is, does Edward sparkle like a discoball?

[Renee]

All I can do is feel even worse for Skipper. She really doesn't need this right now.

[Anne]

I wonder if they could fix some sort of switch in EDWAAAARD's back that you could turn on to make him sparkle? Like my old Jem Barbie with the flashy earrings (of Jem and the Holograms, natch).

Also, that WHOLE parenthetical is the funniest thing I've read all day.

[Sweetney]

Yeah, Mattel wasn't really thinking with the lack of EDWWAAAAARD sparkling thing. I mean, AT LEAST make him glow in the dark. I mean SOMETHING.

[ljpock]

BWWWWAAAAHAHAHAHAH

[Linda_M]

Well - ick. Edward doll is just plain scary, and not in a eerie vampire-y way.

[Mona]

Holy hell, why are even DOLLS wearing skinny jeans these days.
Edward's target audience is 35 year old working mothers, for the OMFG love of all that is right and reliving its youth.
We have PUFFY thighs!

[Jackie]

Why is it that Barbie's face never changes no matter who she is supposed to be but Ken can be different?

[replica jewelry]

cute!!
I really like the movie
if you too
leave a messege to me~
http://replicajewelry.easyjournal.com/

[Elizabeth]

well, it was inevitable. But I am disappointed that Mattel didn't make the Edward doll's skin glittery. I wonder if the Bella doll feels like she's going to faint every five minutes?

[Rhonda]

If Edward glowed in the dark I would buy 100 and set them up around my sleeping husband in various poses of naughty time pleasure and wake him up with a piercing scream and watch with glee as all his nightmares came true. We’ve been married 10 years. Gotta keep it fresh.