Preposterous Pooches: Poodle Owners Pursue the Rainbow Connection

That thing to the left, my friends, is a poodle. I know that the picture is fairly small, and at first glance you may have thought that it was an Easter basket or a Frederick's of Hollywood discount bin or maybe even a Carmen Miranda impersonator on a gay pride parade float, but no.

Creative poodle grooming is so 2008, but these loud and proud pooches are such eyesores, such fabulous trainwrecks of human folly, that I am compelled to look deeply into those heart-shaped sunglasses and proclaim that YES! YOU. ARE. AWESOME.

Not all dogs are lucky enough to find fame like Taco Bell's Gidget or Paris Hilton's four-legged fleet, but these poodles definitely give it the old Clairol try.

There is just something at once so visually stunning yet so pathetic about these poodles who have been dyed, trimmed, fluffed, and hairsprayed to within an inch of their very canine-ness that moves me to want to honour them before they fall prey to fame's downward spiral of pills and cocaine bumps.

See the pride on this teenage mutant ninja turtle's owner's face?

 

And could you deny this puppy his inner guppy?

 

I think I just made myself throw up. I apologize for my Flandersitic outburst.

This next pup is a poodle-maltese cross, but I couldn't hold his lack of pedigree against him. Or the fact that I don't think he's even dyed. Or overly groomed. Or actually even fits in with the theme aside from his being half poodle. Whatever. He makes it onto this list by sheer dint of his awesomeness. What a sad panda:

Of course, the whole glam world of poodle grooming just doesn't seem as fabulous when a furry pulls their pet into the lifestyle. Not that I am against furries, mind you, but it just raises issues I'd rather not give much thought to:

Oh, wow. I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, and then it came to this. I started out with a perfectly innocent entry about extreme dog grooming, and a furry playing twinsies with her poodle sneaked in. Awful, huh? Yeesh.

I blame Doris Day:

Comments

[mouthy_broad (michele)]

there are no words for that mess. but don't blame doris! she was just acting!

[lori]

Sitting at my desk with my hand clamped vice-like over my mouth to hold in the screams/laughter/screams of laughter will surely be a casual "what? I'm not looking at stuff online" look when my boss comes in but this is what you've reduced me to.

I was REALLY not prepared for the pink poodle and her owner.... OH MY LORD.

[Mouse]

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle one is unbelievable.

I'm bookmarking this so I can threaten my standard poodle anytime he acts up.

[linda]

Holy crap, the first poodle looks like a Popple!

[Jill]

No freaking way. Those poor puppies! wow. just wow.

[BaltimoreGal]

Sweet freaking Christ on a cracker.
I'm all for bedecking your pooch with a pretty collar, but pup #1 looks nutty (and possibly poisoned), pup #2 is DEFINITELY uncomfortable, #3 can't possibly be safe, and #5 is wrong on so very many levels.
Unless you're using Kool-Aid, I think it's wrong to dye your dog (all those chemicals!). Even then, I do have to question your sanity.

[schmutzie]

Just to be clear, I would NEVER dye a dog this way. It's nuts. And probably unhealthy.

[BaltimoreGal]

Oh, I know that!!! When I was saying "your" I meant in regards to the photos, all hypothetical-ish. For one thing, I can't imagine a woman who cuts her own hair (super-short pixie-like, no less) dyeing her dog pink!!!

[Sumo]

Wow. Just before reading your article, I had seen this on twitter from @ryanpequin
"the most rad poodle: http://tinyurl.com/mpn2kf"

[schmutzie]

Now THAT is just blatantly ridiculous. I love it.