Dita Von Teese Makes Wonderbra Hotter Than My Mother Made It Out To Be

Dita Von Teese has launched a new lingerie collection, the Wonderbra Party Edition, and, frankly, I think I love it.

Generally, uber-femininity looks like crazy drag no matter what kind of genitalia is being concealed beneath the champagne pink silk gusset, but this nod to pin-up glamour from the mid-20th century is a kind of costuming I can get behind.

Is there such a thing as costume lingerie? Or is lingerie, by nature, costume? Well, no matter, because if lingerie is costume, then the Wonderbra Party Edition collection does it up good.

This is not a paid ad by Wonderbra, by the way. This is simply my uncharacteristic excitement over underwear. I mean, LOOK at it:

Normally, I hate bras. I have found them by using the fit by feel technique, which is a combination of bargain bins and saintly patience in the face of trying on 20 different styles and sizes. I have had official in-store fittings. I have measured myself according to detailed instructions on certain websites. I have followed the advice of friends and invested in the less attractive but more comfortable matron's armor. I even went through a cheap sports bra uni-boob phase for a year.

After 24 years of wearing these buggers, I've come to a conclusion: brassieres, by nature, are a bitch to wear.

The thing is, I wear one nearly every day anyway, because I hate the feeling of swinging free and easy under a shirt. It looks and feels like I'm smuggling two irritated squirrels under my clothes when I would prefer to pack them away and get on with other matters like grocery shopping and scooping cat litter. My favourite bra is an elderly greyed beige affair with a busted plastic doohickey on one of the straps. Needless to say, I haven't been excited like this about bras since I pulled my first elasticized training bra from its cardboard box in the early 1980s.

Apparently, though, if Dita Von Teese describes her collection as John Willie meets 50's Dior  and throws in sparkly sequins, embroidery, and some old skool screen siren steaminess, I am all over that bra like a... like a... Are we still allowed to say things like "fat kid on a smartie"? Probably not. Let's just say that I like Dita Von Teese's burlesque style. Yum. I haven't even given a thought to whether or not it's comfortable. Hell, I kind of want to make the underwear as outerwear thing cool again.

The Wonderbra Party Edition collection launches today, September 23rd, in London, England and will be available (and on a Schmutzie near you) this winter.

Comments

[sweetsalty kate]

The degree of gasping, nodding, oohing and aahhing that occurred over here while reading this post is an indication of ... stuff. Secret stuff. Private stuff. Sexytime stuff. Squashy bit stuff. Stuff you don't write about on the ... oh. Never mind.

[TwoBusy]

You know that funny feeling when you used to climb the rope in gym class?

[schmutzie]

TwoBusy, for me it was swingsets and ponies. And now Dita Von Teese.

[Jen.]

"It looks and feels like I'm smuggling two irritated squirrels under my clothes"...

oh.my.god. The truth, it hurts, oh it hurts...

[Palinode]

Okay then, if you wish to wear Dita von Teese's underwear around the house, I won't stop you.

[BaltimoreGal]

I appreciate the illustration of the two irritated squirrels!

[indycitygirl]

If I buy these articles of underwear will I look like Miss Dita??If so,sign me up...BTW,a fat kid on a smartie,I just inhaled my AM coffee through my nose snorting and chortling,too funny

[kdiddy]

Only in Europe?!?! noooooooo