Heroes Recap: Nobody Wins

Last night was the season premiere of Heroes, brought to you by Boston and clam chowder.  I was excited.  I was also tired after dealing with important parenting matters.  Heroes was to be my escape.  It was 2 hours long, now with an extra hour of commercials!

It turns out that I couldn't remember crap from last season.  I was lost at times, but instead of a smoke monster I had a warm beer and a lot of questions.  Apparently last season didn't leave much of an impression.  I checked to make sure House was being recorded.

If you followed along last year you may recall that I covered Heroes in some detail here at MamaPop.  Apparently my recaps didn't leave much of an impression, either.  It happens.

The show started with carny folk.  They had beady eyes and tiny hands. They had powers and the means to travel.  They were burying one of their own. It was all downhill from there.

Claire Bennet went to college.  She found herself with the most annoying roommate ever, who dies about an hour into the episode.  She lived about 60 minutes too long.

Noah Bennet is single and has a change of heart.  He wants to help.  He's also eyeing Tracy, who is back from the frozen tundra, pissed off and slightly damp. I'll give him that one.

Peter Petrelli is a working man's hero.  He can still only hold one power at a time and he is clutching Emo.

Mom Petrelli is I don't know what.

Nathan Petrelli is still dead.  Sylar is still Nathan.  Sylar is also Matt Parkman.  Matt Parkman is confused and jealous.  The water guy needs a haircut. 

Darth Maul likes to cut people.

Hiro finds his special purpose.  Point Steve Martin.  Hiro and Ando save cats and bug the hell out of me.  Hiro's sister is a victim of the butterfly effect and blue Slurpees.  I am a victim of subtitles and poor acting.

A bunch of stuff happened, mostly in 3 minute increments between the show.  Also, Guitar Hero.

And Danko died and nobody cared.

Something about a compass. Doesn't anyone ask for directions anymore?

The highlight of the night? Lydia, the tattooed lady.  She had eyes to adore so, and a torso even more so.

You can learn a lot from Lydia.

Apparently.

Do I sound slightly bitter? I am. You see, I've spent the last two seasons defending Heroes to all of the naysayers and those that have jumped ship only to have this as my reward. It was hollow and transparent and not a fair to anyone. It's just a carnival.

Heroes is playing out like a crappy soap more than a sci-fi drama. I suspect that the show has acquired its own power and it involves morphing into Smallville.

I would have been better off with the chowder.

Comments

[Ren]

Heroes is playing out like a crappy soap more than a sci-fi drama. I suspect that the show has acquired its own power and it involves morphing into Smallville.

Except that Smallville still has more action per episode than Heroes has had lately. I'll give Heroes at least one more episode before I delay watching it promptly. After that, who knows.

[Whit]

Ren, I do like Smallville, I just have to forward the DVR during the sappy stuff.

As for Heroes, I think I'm going to switch to House.

[Kim]

I watched about the first half hour. Of course, I am one of those naysayers who left a season ago, but they had me going a little bit, and it looked nice on the HD TV we've got since last season so that helps. Giant HD Milo is not something a girl can easily turn away from.

But then Nathan/Sylar showed up and I was like OH GOD YAWN. So I let the dedicated folks in the household stick it out and went upstairs to embrace the internets.

[TwoBusy]

On behalf of Boston, we hereby refuse to take ANY responsibility for Heroes, or the suckage thereof.

[Whit]

Kim - I was forced to watch at unicorn point.

TwoBusy - The Red Sox are responsibility enough.

[foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)]

I finally watched the last three episodes of last season that have been clogging my DVR two weeks ago. I still had zero recollection of what happened when I watched the premiere episode for this season today. Nothing ever happens on this show. I'm seriously considering breaking up with it for good this time and not taking it's calls when it comes sniffing around for sympathy viewings.

[Just Shireen]

Peter Petrelli is a working man's hero. He can still only hold one power at a time and he is clutching Emo.

Heh. So true; so true.