Is Spencer Pratt The New Andy Kaufman?

Because seriously, as I sit here writing about him for the umpteenth time, vowing, as I always do, that I will never write about him and his facial pubes ever again, ever ever ever, I have to give the little bastard credit. He knows exactly what he's doing. He loves what he does, and he's extremely successful at it. So as much as you and I hate him (and I hate him, oh, we hateses him so much) there's a kind of poetry to what he does.

Case in point: Spencer has decided, if his sound byte to US Weekly is to be believed, to legally change his name to "King Spencer Pratt." Now after you clean up the spit take you just did, let that sink in for a minute. And then you tell me if this isn't the greatest performance art this side of professional wrestling.

Here's the whole quote:

"I've decided since there is a Queen of England and a Prince William that there should be a king of America," he tells Us. "I nominate myself for that role."

Oh, Spencer. You card. Now, lest you think this is yet another rant about how viciously douchey Spencer Pratt is, oh no. I have come here to show you that Spencer Pratt is a master thespian. A performance artist of the first form, and y'all? He's punking us. He's trolling. And we fall for it every time. HE EATS OUR HATE LIKE LOVE, PEOPLE.

I wonder, sometimes, if Spencer doesn't study old tapes of Andy Kaufman to further perfect his craft. I KNOW he has to be a fan of professional wrestling, because, and bear with me here, it's the same thing. When you see a professional wrestler on TV yelling and screaming about how much he hates another wrestler, we're supposed to think that's real. When they get in the ring and beat each other up, we're supposed to think THAT'S real too. They don't let the facade down. We're not supposed to think that their kids play together and that they go out for beers after the show. The illusion is never dropped. The same with Spencer Pratt. He plays a villain, and he plays it all the time. The character is always there, in front of the cameras, in sound bytes, on "reality" tv. Spencer isn't just an asshole, y'all. He's a professional.

And just as we're supposed to believe that a body slam in wrestling really hurts the dude on the mat, we're supposed to believe that Spencer Pratt really DOES want to change his name to "King Spencer" and not just because he hasn't been the top story on the gossip rags in a few days. I've gone from hate to loathing to a kind of amazed dumbfoundedness regarding Mr. Pratt. He's extraordinary at being famous for no reason at all, and if it takes stunts like changing his name, he's going to do it.

I just hope that he eventually runs out of pranks to play and ends up in a cage match with The Undertaker where he gets clotheslined off a ten-foot ladder onto the mat, which is covered in thumb tacks and barbed wire. Suffer for your art, Spencer! SUFFER AS YOU MAKE US SUFFER.

Remember, he's not just a bastard of the first order. He's a craftsman. That little shit.

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Comments

[Alyssa]

This is brilliant. However, I have to wonder if Heidi is really clever enough to fall into line with the rouse.

[Angela in Ontario]

See, I never really thought much of Andy Kaufman either.

[fake name]

ya know what? i agree with you. that lil bastard is laughing alll the wayyy to the BANK

[Trish]

I'm with ya. I always thought Andy Kaufman was a bit of a tool. Hey! Just like Pratt!

[LovelyLayla]

At first, and I mean like...way back in the day, I thought their whole act was kinda funny. Keyword being: kinda. But seriously, it's really getting to the point where these two are ruining themselves and their families. It makes me sick when Heidi does the whole "Praise God" ordeal. Is that really necessary? I know she wasn't always like this, right? Spencer has to have some weird brainwashing mechanism going on in in his flesh colored beard. I just can't help but think that Heidi really could have made it on her own without him by now. Maybe even have done some crappy D-List movies or started her own reality show.

[BaltimoreGal]

My simple answer to your question? NO.
Andy Kaufman, behind all the antics, was known to be a sweet person. Can anyone say that about Spencer Pratt?

[JellyBean]

I'm thinking less Andy Kaufman and more Jeff Conaway. Or so I hope that Spency ends up addicted to pain killers & on Celeb Rehab in 25 yrs to air his dirty laundry for all to see, yet none of the young hip crowd will know who he is. I can dream can't I?

[Becca]

Well, not to get all uppity about pro wrestling, but my husband used to be a local ref and wrestler himself. While the outcomes of matches are decided, and yes, the wrestlers themselves do play roles, that shit still hurts. You can't fake flying through the air and landing on a person or getting hit in the head with a chair. There are no wires, and there's no spring in that mat. It's slats of wood crossed over each other, about three huge canvases, and that's it.

But yes, the biggest assholes in the ring are usually the sweetest people out of it.

[Velma]

This is a brilliant analysis. You are almost making me clear away a teeny portion of my utter loathing and disgust out to make room for an iota of respect for the performance skills the little toerag might possess.

ALMOST.

[[mark]]

he's no andy kaufmann.

he's not even andy dick.