Sandra Bullock and George Hamilton Are A Gruesome Twosome

First, we have Sandra Bullock. She's never really captured my interest, but her string of crappy movie rolls elicits this weird strain of sympathy from me, so I kind of like her. Hollywood makes female actors over the age of 35 either the butt of jokes or tragic and tortured, so I guess a woman's got to do what a woman's got to do to make some coin.

And then, we have George Hamilton, who is looking very much like a roast bird in need of basting these days. There's really not a whole lot to say about Hamilton, either, except that he is less witty and charming and more a caricature of witty and charming. If he tanned less, had believable teeth, and ditched the snap-on hair, he'd be more genuinely likable, but what can he do. I don't think that tan's coming off any time soon.

So, you are probably wondering, what do these two have to do with each other, anyway? Puh-lenty.

Something about Sandra Bullock's face has bugged me for years. She looked like someone else I had seen before, but I couldn't place it, and that drove me nuts, because she has pretty distinct features. Then, one afternoon a couple of days ago, I saw an ad for Pita Thins on YouTube, and it hit me: she looks just like George Hamilton, only younger and female.

It's like Sandra Bullock and George Hamilton were separated at birth. I mean that facetiously, of course, because if they were twins from the same mother, that would mean that Mrs. Hamilton gave birth to George in 1939 and then continued to carry Sandra for nearly another 25 years. The uterus is an amazing organ, but I doubt one could stand up to the test of carrying a 25-year-old fetus around.

Here is the pair side by side for comparison:

 

Do you see it? Maybe a little around the nose? Here, I'll tone down George's carrot complexion and brighten Sandra's:

Oh, come on. It's so obvious. Here, I'll switch around some of their features to make it more obvious. Do I have to do all the work?

 

Okay, now they have each other's noses and cheekbones and one of each other's eyes. You must see it now. Their nose/cheekbones combos are nearly identical, and if you took that heavy eye makeup off, Sandra's eye would look pretty believable on George, don't ya think? They even have the same folds around the cheeks and jawline when they smile.

Come to think of it, though, these two don't necessarily have to be brother and sister. Are we absolutely certain about her parentage? Because Georgie boy has admitted to a sexual relationship he had with his stepmother when he was 12 — TWELVE YEARS OLD — and if they had a love child together, then... No, that doesn't work, because she would have had to be pregnant with Sandra for almost 13 years, which means that...

Sandra Bullock and George Hamilton can make non-incestuous babies together, and if they space them all two years apart, they could look like a family of nesting matryoshka dolls! Human nesting dolls that can blind you with their teeth! They'd be like a circus family with super powers!

Comments

[mrschaos]

That is really funny. It also scared the snot out of me. Creepy.

[Palinode]

Frankly I'm tired of masturbating to images of Sandra Bullock. Time to make the switch to George Hamilton. It's a logical transition to getting off on images of leather furniture.

'Snap-on hair' is a perfect description, by the way.

[sweatpantsmom]

It's 1:44am and I'm laughing so hard I woke the cat. But I'm also cursing you because I'm going to have nightmares of carrying a 25-year-old fetus.

[Fawn Amber]

You. Are. Whack. LOL