The Rebirth of Marginally Funny Testicular Injury Jokes

C'mere for a second, Extract. We need to have a talk. You see...you had the pedigree. Mike Judge returning to his golden halls (The WORKPLACE comedy, a genre he redefined with Office Space), Jason Bateman ...always- funny-even-in-weird-offbeat-movies-like-Adventureland comedienne extraordinaire, Kristen Wiig... JK Simmons acting surly... A "getting hit is the balls" joke...Ben Affleck playing the Deidrich Bader "Fucked-Up Friend with Bad Hair"  part... You should have SHINED, LIttle Star! But you really just...didn't. Sorry, Bro. Even Mila Kunis couldn't make you super interesting in a "sexy starlet needs a paycheck" kind of way.

Oh, I wanted it to be good. I really did. Bateman gets a pass forever for being in Arrested Development, and Mike Judge defined this type of comedy. But there was just something missing. It felt like I was wandering around in a dark forest and instead of trees there were...I don't know...telephone polls. And instead of mosses and lichens there were...Man. This is a really crappy analogy. It's making me feel sleepy.

But let's press on anyway, in the spirit of Extract, shall we?  In this dark forest is also Gene Simmons with bad hair. And that's like finding a family of adorable deer that have been poisoned when you're sent to get water and now you're scared that you're sharing the dark forest with a psycho killer. 

I've really got this metaphor thing down, huh?

It had it's moments though. I think. My daughter asked me if it was funny, and I said that I laughed out loud once. But that I didn't remember why. That kinda sums up the movie. Maybe you'll laugh and maybe you won't but it's probably better than watching tv, unless you have cable or if you rented Office Space. Or Idiocracy. Or a comedy written by Seth Rogen. Those are awesome! The men are all like children! HAHAHAHA!

One thing Extract had in spades was dick jokes. Or more specifically, ball jokes. See? Look at the poster up there. The broken walnut? That's symbolic. See if you can work it out. And that is a running them through the whole film. In fact, the primary ball joke is even in the trailer. Why they didn't call the film "Balls" is beyond me. I mean if they can get away with Mr. Woodcock, you'd think "Balls" would be a fine title. And probably a lot more descriptive than Extract. In fact, during the movie I found myself if the title was a clever usage of the OTHER definition of "Extract". Will Jason Bateman be PULLED OUT of his life? Does he lose a tooth in some ball-related incident? This IS a Mike Judge film. He's proved himself to be consistently clever. Maybe there was a deeper meaning. 

There wasn't. Like so much else about Extract, it was a missed opportunity.