Top Chef Vegas Recap: Episode IV, A New Hope

Fine, it wasn't really "A New Hope", but it did have an Obi-Wan/Yoda type hero. This episode was full of stars and this post is full of spoilers so if last night's Top Chef is unwatched on your DVR you might want to wait until tomorrow to read this.

Vivre Las Vegas, bitches.

The high stakes Quickfire was high stakes indeed.

The winner received immunity and a special prize to be revealed later and the loser had to go home. That's right, you heard me. Tom Colicchio was not fucking around this week. For the Quickfire the chefs all went to Daniel Boulud's Brasserie and Daniel himself made them all cook something where the main protein was snails.

*shudder*

Listen, I'm a foodie and I am happy to eat a lot of weird shit. I have eaten my share of escargot, but it just makes me uncomfortable. There - I said it. Snails are creepy and you all know it.

To make a long story short, Kevin won. Kevin is kind of a badass. Henceforth in this Episode IV recap Kevin will be the Luke and Mike the Douche will be Jar Jar Binks. Kevin won the outstanding prizes of 1) immunity and 2) he didn't have to cook a damn thing. He got to eat with judges.

THEN! Then it got good. The bottom three in the Quickfire had to re-compete. Ashley, Jesse and Robin were given 20 minutes to make an amuse bouche. One bite to save your life. It was awesome.

Robin made an avocado soup with crab (don't get me started), Ashley made foie gras dish and Jesse made a tuna tartare with a quail egg on it (the only thing that actually looked like one bite) and Jesse ended up getting booted. I felt sad, but she had it coming. She has been on the bottom pretty much every time.

But then they showed Jesse feeling sorry for herself - again - and I stopped being sad for her.

On to the Elimination Challenge: It was a team challenge. Everyone drew knives. They either got a traditional French protein (rabbit, chateaubriand, lobster, trout etc) or a traditional French sauce (veloute, a poive, Bearnaise) and then they paired up accordingly.

The judges for the Elimination Challenge were some of the best French Chefs in the world. The world. The judging required a translator. It was hard core: Hubert Keller, Daniel Boulud, Laurent Tourondel, Jean Joho and Chef of the Century Joel fucking Robuchon (who may or not have been played by Anthony Hopkins).

CHEF OF THE CENTURY!

I wasn't sure if I was going to call him Obi-Wan, Yoda or Mace Windu because there is no doubt that he is one bad motherfucker.

Tom Colicchio was nervous to eat with him.

So Robin and Ron made some over cooked frogs legs and a salad that I cannot believe they weren't sent home for. They slipped through the cracks.

My bekerchiefed friend Mattin paired up with Ashley (who just let him run the show because he was French) made sauteed poussin and ravioli with sauce veloute and green asparagus. Mattin put bacon in the veloute which sounded awesome to me, but the judges said the bacon flavor was overpowering.

 

Mattin gets to be C3PO.

Jennifer and Michael V. were the team to beat. With Kevin sitting with the judges I say these are the two strongest individual chefs in the kitchen, and they worked together as if they had been doing so for years. They made this amazing looking rabbit chasseur with mustard noodle and shiso.

Hector and Ash were hosed when their Chateaubriand took far too long to come up to temperature.

Eli and Laurine made lobster, sauce Americaine with cauliflower puree and it looked great, but apparently the lobster was overcooked.

Last, but not least the Bryan and Jar Jar Binks made a warm cured trout with a deconstructed bearnaise. The whole thing was outstanding - even Robuchon used the word "perfect" (or his translator said he did, I don't know, I don't speak French). The whole recipe was Bryan's and everyone's favorite douche, Mike, tried to take credit for it during the judges table.

And they all got to cook in Joel Robuchon's kitchen. True story.

Quick end result, because I am beginning to bore myself and plus I have twelve minutes to deadline and I still need to spellcheck - Hector went home, and I am sad because I liked him, but he kept screwing up the red meat and Bryan won the prize. The prize was training on Dagobah cooking in Joel Robuchon's Las Vegas restaurant for a week.

To me it sounds like work, but the other chefs all looked like they were going to die of envy so I guess it is pretty cool. After all, Eli said that he thought Robuchon might be a unicorn and we all know how awesome unicorns are.

ps - When Michael V. said that a chef cooking for Joel Robuchon was like a singer singing for the Beatles he was mistaken. Singing in front of Ringo Starr would be laid back, it would be like singing in front of Luciano Pavarotti or someone like Pavarotti but more alive.

Comments

[Snarky Amber]

Dude, the escargot I had at Bouchon was TO DIE.

This episode made me so fucking hungry I couldn't sit still. I was bummed to see Hector go, too. He was such a sweetie, and I'll take him over, "BTDUBLEHVAY, JE SUIS FRAINCH" Mattin any day as my favorite foreigner on the show.

[laurie]

Kevin should just win now on principle, and Ashley should have yelled "YOU LIE!" at Mattin, because in this case it was totally valid.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

LIAR! What is liar in French?

But she made it evident.

[rebecca]

Husband: Kevin is awesome.
Me: Yeah, Kevin totally rocks my socks.
Husband: Kevin makes me want to be a better gnome.

and can i say: CANDIED. BACON. JAM.

we spent at least 10 minutes straight discussing what we would put it on. Consensus: EVERYTHING.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

He makes me want to be a better gnome too.

He also makes me want to eat in Atlanta.

[rebecca]

shoot, yeah. ATL is totally the new NYC.

[amalah]

In past seasons, you were lucky if you could find one, maybe two, genuinely talented cheftestants who you also genuinely wanted to root for (i.e. not assholes cough ILAN MARCEL HUNG LISA cough etc.), and suddenly this season we have Kevin and Jen and both of the Voltaggio brothers delivering amazing food pr0n every week AND just generally seeming like awesome people? Crazy.

Of course, then we have Jar Jar Binks, who I probably dislike more than any chef EVER -- more than GreasyMcBitchfaceLisa even! Two straight weeks of letting a Voltaggio brother basically do all the work? Bullshit. Go home soon, please. (Wait, he's from DC. Maybe he can leave the show but stay in Vegas.)

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

I know! The level of talent this season is insane.

I don't want Mike to come back either, especially now that I called him a
douche so many times on the internet. But when he does that little arrogant
laugh it makes me want to punch my TV - and I love my TV.

[clarabella]

I keep hoping that once he actually starts cooking HIS own dishes, he'll choke. But then I remember that they still like him when he does (Boulud liked his escargot). Damn.

[Snarky Amber]

"Menteur". :)

[Snarky Amber]

IAWTC, all of it, except the part about hating Mike the Douche more than Lisa. I will likely never hate a cheftestant more than Lisa ever, even if they're still running this show when I'm in the nursing home.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

I am so with you on this. He is the new Hung. - or Tiffani.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

Wow.

I feel like I under-hate Lisa.

[Jenn_C]

Yes! Exactly. But it seems the converse is true, too - for as much talent there is, there's quite a few stinkers coughPasta Saladcough in the bunch.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

It is like they are good and also lazy. Not ALL of them... I really think
Hector was talented. I'm not sure what his deal was.

[Jenn_C]

I think Hector has mad skills and I swear one day I will eat at his restaurant; but this just wasn't his challenge - I mean, come on, the man made tofu taste good two weeks ago. That's some talent right there, not to mention cojones. He would have kicked ass two seasons ago during the finale in Puerto Rico.

Ooh, Top Chef Puerto Rico...Please, Bravo?

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

Agreed. They should bring him back next year.

[Alison]

AMEN to that!!! AfreakingMEN! I have never but NEVER been so happy to see someone pack their knives and GO ALREADY. Gah. That was a lot of caps. But that's how passionately I disliked Lisa. Thanks for listening.

[Alison]

The Star Wars analogy is killing me. JarJar. Heh. Genius.

Is it just me or is there a marked distinction in talent this season? There are a few who just seem to be head and shoulders above the rest. Like we can already predict the top 4 even. And those top 4 are all so very talented that - heck - I'm just going to call it right now. Double winners. You read it here first.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

Oooh. Bold prediction!

Nicely done.

[laurie]

Lisa interested me in a "how did you get that way" sort of way. Mike is just a garden-variety ass. I don't want to look at him anymore and nothing about him is compelling. Lisa verged on insanely angry, which maybe is more interesting to me than it ought to be.

So yeah I'm going to stop typing about this and work on one of my own problems some more.

[amalah]

That pasta salad was made of suck and sadness.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

Amy speaks truth.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

Does this salad have too much vinegar?

Yes.

Okay, let's serve it to Joel Robuchon just like this.

Okay.

[BaltimoreGal]

"...especially now that I called him a douche so many times on the internet."

WIN!