Twitter Fail Starring Jon Gosselin

Jon Gosselin, the muse of Ed Hardy and bane of Kate Plus 8, has finally joined whatever century this is.  Jon Gosselin is on Twitter.  Next up, my mom.

That photo on the left? That a Twitpic.  Believe it, baby.

Gosselin already has well over 13,000 followers which must make Ashton more than a little nervous.  Guess how many people Jon is following.  Go on, guess.

If you said ZERO then congratulations, you know a trick question when you see one.  Yes, Jon Gosselin follows no man.  Or woman.  Or child.  Jon Gosselin is a leader, people.  He's on a fucking Honda.

My God, how doth his ego stroke?

Really, he can't follow anyone?  Not even Don Hardy? Or Summer's Eve? Or John Mayer? Spencer Pratt? Rumsfeld? (Side note: I just looked up Spencer Pratt's Wikipedia page by accident and they list him as a part-time rapper.  Oh, thank you, Wikipedia for throwing sunshine across my dull, grey life.)

Jon Gosselin is a loner.  The lone douche wolf.  Women want him and men want to be him.  Except for actual women and men.

I think it's more likely that everyone worth their salt has blocked him.  All every single person in the world of them.

You may find yourself wondering, what the hell does Jon Gosselin have to say that warrants said Twitter account?

Plenty.  For example:

• Sugar Factory hooked me up with Mady and Cara's favorite candy. Definitely looking forward to seeing those smiles when I get home!9:41 AM Aug 31st from TwitterBerry
• Cooling off from the 110 degree weather with some AC and ViB Vacation In a Bottle (easily the most refreshing part of my day!)3:32 PM Aug 30th from TwitterBerry
• Another beautiful day in Las Vegas. Making sure mom's pampered at the spa.12:43 PM Aug 30th from TwitterBerry
• Cirque Du Soleil's KA is truly unbelievable4:01 AM Aug 30th from TwitterBerry
• Amazing day with my friends and family (thanks Mom) at Wet Republic! Thanks to the MGM Grand Hotel, this place rocks!

Basically, nothing more than anyone else, but with feeling!  A bit of shilling, shouts to his mama and a bit of shilling.  Hell, Vegas ain't cheap.  I've seen The Hangover.

What does this mean to you, the casual fan of sanity?  Not much.  Nothing really.  Just one more way for Gosselin to spread douchieness across the internet, leaving us all spring water fresh in his wake.

It actually smells kind of nice. Cologne coming soon!

Follow Jon Gosselin on Twitter (we won't judge) (much)

Follow MamaPop on Twitter (what the hell, you're already following Gosselin)

Photo

Comments

[jodifur]

I now want to quit twitter. And I love twitter.

[Whit]

He breathes oxygen, too, and you've stuck with that. I assume. Don't let Gosselin ruin life for you.

[Sweetney]

I love that Summer's Eve douche box. POIFECT.

[MaoMao's Mommy]

I went over and blocked him just because I could. heh.

[Whit]

Feel fresh as a Vegas night.

[Whit]

Hey, it's a movement!

[rkmama]

Henceforth I will only refer to him as "The lone Douche". Thank you for that.

[Sweetney]

I think we all need to concoct some hair-brained scheme that involves all of us following him and tormenting him mercilessly.

Ideas on the tormenting part? C'mon! MamaPop readers have to be skilled torturers, right?

[Whit]

Just don't use it in front of Mayer. He feels slighted.

[Whit]

We could call him a douche and make fun of his wardrobe. Has that been done?

[lori]

I'm not twitter-fluent enough (i know. i'm a loser) to really come up with a good scheme, but I will be anxiously waiting to see what you all come up with!

Things I learned from Jon Gosselin's twitter feed: He's starting a children's foundation? really? really?
Also, he lists the family website as his website... also: really? really?

[Whit]

Just off the top of my head I can think of 8 kids that might benefit from some Jon Gosselin. I'm pretty sure that's all I'll be able to think of.

[Bill Gookin]

Sure the guy is a douche...but his tweets are no more douchy than mine are. *sigh* Time to go slit my wrists now...

[Whit]

I was disappointed in the similarities, too. I decided to quit drinking ViB.

[Sweetney]

Shut up, Whit! :)

[Sweetney]

Oh and regarding Spencer Pratt's part time rapper career, perhaps this explains something:
http://www.mamapop.com/mamapop/2009/05/i-frankly-dont-even-know-what-to-say-about-this.html

ARRGH MY EYES.

[Bill Gookin]

Should I feel old, or just lucky, since I had to look up ViB? :)

[Whit]

Ha, I only know what it is from his tweet. Looks like Amway energy drink or some such shit.

[Whit]

I can't even watch that.

[Liana]

Favorite quotes from this post include:
"The lone [douche] wolf. Women want him and men want to be him. Except for actual women and men. "

And:
"What does this mean to you, the casual fan of sanity?"

Beauteous writing and hilarious, too :)

[Whit]

That's kind of you, but in all fairness Jon Gosselin did all the work. I just calls it like I sees it.

[robyn g]

Here's another favorite: "All every single person in the world of them."

Heh.

[Angela in Ontario]

Thanks to Jon Gosselin and his shilling of Ed Hardy products, I was able to tell that the owner of the car parked in my parking spot when I got home from the movies last night was a douchnozzle (there was an Ed Hardy air freshener hanging from the rearview mirror). Just think of what else I could learn if I followed him on Twitter.

Not.

[Whit]

It's like a learning experience.

[Val]

Easily one of the most entertaining posts I've read on this here site. Thank you, Whit.